Why is Val Single? (3069 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.39 on 98 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val (View user info) at 2005-01-05 16:17:31 EST
I have found that I'm not too good when it comes to guys. I've had three boyfriends in my life, and have never been out on a date. Sad, I know. Obviously when I'm in a relationship with someone, we go out. But I've never been on a date with a "potential." Unless I have... and I'm just completely clueless. Most people think that just guys are clueless when it comes to signals and such. Apparently, this is not the case. During a lengthy, Verizon-minutes-using conversation with Creep today, he brought up some very valid moves of mine that could be a little smoother. Here are some of my biggest signal-mixers. Author's Note: for Uber-purposes, encounters with the male species written about in this post will be referred to as dates. I never know if it's a date or not (it's probably not), so just deal with it.
The 3-Slap
Yes, it's true. I've been known to do the "3 slap." I'm sure you males out there know what I'm talking about: you lean in for the hug, and with your hand you slap him on the back. "Good game, buddy!," this move shouts. So any progress that was made on the entire date is destroyed with a simple twist of the wrist. Good game. The one slap says "I had a great time, friend." The 2 slap says, "Oh, you think I'm going to call you? That's sweet." And the 3 slapper says, "Sorry, pal. I'd rather eat my own eye boogies than ever see you again. Please die soon, so I don't have to feel completely pseudo-guilty for not calling you."
And I don't MEAN any of it like that. It's my way of saying, "I had a wonderful time and can't wait to see you again. Please call me soon so we can drive to a movie and screw in the parking lot. Then we will go back to my place where you can eat sushi off my naked body, and we can watch the action movie of your choice. You don't even have to cuddle with me, or ever call me again. Just this one night has satiated my thirst for love for the rest of my life. Here's my best friend's phone number: she's lonely and vulnerable, call her right now before she starts feeling any sort of self worth. Hurry, you!"
Well........ not quite all of that... but still.
Body Language
When out with a guy, I'm always very aware of their body language. Are his legs crossed? If so, are they crossed in my general direction, or away? Are his arms crossed? Is he fidgeting? Did he just suavely wave his fart away from me? However, despite all of my corner of the eye detective work, I have come to the decision that I SUCK at my own body language. I cross my arms, fidget a lot, crack my knuckles, and lean away from the other person. ... and this is when I like them.
Eye Contact
I've always been really self conscious of how I look, so I guess my avoidance of any eye contact at all is my way of becoming invisible. 'If I don't look at them, they won't see me' type of thing. Jesus Christ, the more I write this, the more I realize what a head-case I am.
"Call Me"
The date ends. We find our keys. A hug, the 3-Slap, the goodbye while looking at feet and crossing my arms. And then.. a chance for redemption. "Call me!" And whether the guy means it or not, he says he will. At which point I re-ruin everything for myself. "Well... yeah I mean.. call me if you want. You don't have to or anything. It's completely fine if you dont. You know what? It's no big deal. Don't call me. It's cool. I understand. I like you a lot, but it's totally fine. See you later!" And with that, it's over. He may call me again... but I probably won't answer because I'm a complete and total loser.
Listen, guys. If I ever happen to go on a date with any of you, let me know if it's a date, and not just a friends thing. This way, I know how badly to fuck things up.
Time to eat a gallon of icecream. And by eat I mean drink. And by icecream, I mean vodka.
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-19 05:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-03-19 03:43:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-19 03:24:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear... where to start? Good Luck!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Long time no post!
So how's my favorite, STRICT, school marm doing?
-----
I'm working on a QUALITY POST. It's going to take a couple of weeks. They blocked uber at work so I don't have so much time for it.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-03-19 03:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-19 03:24:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear... where to start? Good Luck!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Long time no post!
So how's my favorite, STRICT, school marm doing?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-19 03:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear... where to start? Good Luck!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-19 03:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you sound interesting, fidgety nervous wrecks of girls are quite endearing
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-08 08:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My life's ambition has always been to find a woman like you aand woo her. Of course you live on the other side of the world and I'm can't 'woo'.
Now I feel like driving my car into a brick wall wit no seatbelt.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-18 17:11:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, I laughed...at you :)
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-12 11:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ohhh yea, I know that story with the "call me thing."
"I' mean, you know, uhmm,"
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-02-21 04:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello again, Val. Don't worry, things will start to look up. Or they won't. Either way, getting drunk is fun and makes the voices go away for a while.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-02-06 16:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-01-16 02:32:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
Your story doesn't jive, and moreover its pathetic. You haven't a clue what guys go through for a date....
===================================
At least I'm not the only bitter one on this site.
And Kaelic... I'm not a nutcase. I'm charming...
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-02-06 02:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah that's a brilliant fucking idea jerk.
However, Val is hot and I'd do her.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-02-06 02:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:59:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's okay, we're in the same boat here. Or maybe it's not okay and we're still in the same boat except it's sinking. I even think we might be the same amount of neurotic. Maybe there's some group therapy that we should join.
----------
Or instead of group therapy you can have hot lesbian sex and post videos of it on Uber.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-02-06 01:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe if you weren't such a nutcase, more people would ask you out.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-02-06 01:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't worry, I'm sure the guy has pretty much already decided whether he wants to have sex with you or not a few days, if not seconds, after he meets you. Unfortunate, but true. Men are dogs. Not in the mean and vicious way so much as the dirty, fighting over scraps way.
Whether you pat them on the back, shake their hand or pull their pants down with your teeth, men generally like women to touch them. Hell, a "3-Slap" sounds like more action than I've ever had.
Submitted by Otters (user info) at 2005-02-06 01:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well how old are you? Three boyfriends doesn't sound that bad at all. At least you aren't one of those girls who meets a guy in high school and marries him at 22. That's just depressing.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-02-06 00:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't really know you all that well but I have however read some of your posts and think you a good person. Too bad you are single but You know if one door closes another one inevitably opens you just have to be there when it does.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-02-06 00:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
drink
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2005-01-16 02:38:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you rearrange the letters in "Val Single" you can get Vaginells
doesn't that sound like a cool product?
i'd buy it
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-01-16 02:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Guys will know if you're interested and will pick up on
"I had a wonderful time and can't wait to see you again. Please call me soon so we can drive to a movie and screw in the parking lot. Then we will go back to my place where you can eat sushi off my naked body, and we can watch the action movie of your choice. You don't even have to cuddle with me, or ever call me again. Just this one night has satiated my thirst for love for the rest of my life."
Your story doesn't jive, and moreover its pathetic. You haven't a clue what guys go through for a date....
Cheers....
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2005-01-16 02:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you ugly or something?
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-01-16 01:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
mmmmmmmmm What the Hell Man!!!!!1 looks to me like you read too many fuking books, and your mind is all fucked up babe.like the eye contact, the body language,and all the rest of the crap you carry on with .For Fucks sake ! just let yourself go and be the natural , wonderfull person that you are .and you will be in love .just be yourself .not the image that you are pretending.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-16 01:23:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you from jersey?
im me: timdwpi
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-09 19:56:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Val is single because she smells funny. Like grandma.
I'm kidding... you smell lovely.... really... I'm sure....
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-09 19:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
personally, i would rather be going out with the wrong guy...
i am twisted like that
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-09 19:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
would you rather be single or going out with the wrong guy?
patience!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-01-09 19:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The 8 inch penis between your legs might have something to do with it.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-01-09 19:35:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why the hell am I still single?
Oh yeah, because I'm an obsessive compulsive hyperactive only-child fucking psychopath.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-09 17:20:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd fuck you but that isn't saying much so spread 'em.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-07 12:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i want to talk to you when i get off work k?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-07 08:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-01-07 08:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:17:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
tou fucking che!!!
--
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:16:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Why is Val single? Well, we all read these....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49427
http://www.ubersite.com/m/48961
Who wants to play seconds there?
------------
Just repeat after me....
"We all make mistakes."
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-01-06 21:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Guys go on dates to get laid.
Why do women go on dates?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-01-06 17:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There is a field. It's just got a shitload of weeds.
And you're out of Roundup.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe there is no field.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, well, I'll give you one hint... Ubersite is not the field. Sure it's fun, but it ain't the field, at all.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and GLALL is never on AIM during the day. He's at work right now. If you want to catch him, it'll probably be around 5 (pacific time)
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure you'll find someone good. Or something else stereotypical.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:07:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well it's one thing if, when single, you enjoy going out there and playing the field.
I can't play the field.
I don't even know where the field is.
I am so with you on that one. I don't know where to begin.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well it's one thing if, when single, you enjoy going out there and playing the field.
I can't play the field.
I don't even know where the field is.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-01-06 16:01:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is 1Point21Gigawatts single?
Because he fuckin' loves it!
You should adopt the same mentality, and force yourself to enjoy it.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-06 15:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GLALL, you on AIM?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-06 15:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus did i write this post? i go through about all the same godamn things. Fucking eye-contact.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:35:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, ive never seen her so its a logical question.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
are you a psycho?
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Why is Val Single?"
I don'know, are you ugly?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:09:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-06 12:45:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
HadToBeDone: it's cool... it had to be done........muahahaha! The wit... I just can't control it!
...
sorry.
----------
Well, you figured out the reason for my existence.....
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-06 12:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HadToBeDone: it's cool... it had to be done........muahahaha! The wit... I just can't control it!
...
sorry.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-06 11:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious.
The end ruled.
Call me... if you want... you know what, it doesn't matter... don't call me... shit, quicksand! HELP... well, help if you want.. ypu know what, you don't have to help... actually, just let me die... DAMN!!!!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-01-06 00:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
har har.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-01-06 00:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, Val, I've got about $600 lying around, wanna go on a date with me?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-01-06 00:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:17:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
tou fucking che!!!
------
Maybe that came out a little harsher than I intended it....
Maybe.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-05 22:54:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just finished, and I must say: that is the single most pathetic thing I've ever read!
KIDDING! KIDDING!
In all seriousness, you're missing one crucial point in all of this... I don't want to sound old-fashioned, and forgive me, ladies, for sounding so, but it's not your JOB to make the moves! It is the guy's responsibility to look you in the eye, take you by the hand and say, "fuck next week! I want you now!"
The stigma that's placed on GIRLS who would do that makes it too risky for most. It's not fair, but it seems to be the reality we're put here to deal with.
It sounds to me that you have not been meeting the right guys. You don't want a total asshole who thinks he's the shit groping you, but you don't want some sheepish boy either! You want someone to relate to, that's all...someone in whose eyes you can stare and not be afraid or self-conscious.
Thing is...you shouldn't even have to realize that you're figeting at all. If you ARE, then please, by all means, just POINT IT OUT! Ask your date, "why am I figeting?" That should be enough to start the conversation on a desirable path. TALK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU"VE JUST POSTED! BE HONEST YA DIPSHITS!
When I look back over my life, I don't regret the things I have done...I only regret the things I didn't do.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-05 22:11:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See? That's the equivalent of the pat on the back! You build me up Buttercup, baby just to let me down! :P
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-05 22:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well........ not quite all of that... but still.
-------------------------
OK, that killed it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-05 22:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I don't MEAN any of it like that. It's my way of saying, "I had a wonderful time and can't wait to see you again. Please call me soon so we can drive to a movie and screw in the parking lot. Then we will go back to my place where you can eat sushi off my naked body, and we can watch the action movie of your choice. You don't even have to cuddle with me, or ever call me again. Just this one night has satiated my thirst for love for the rest of my life. Here's my best friend's phone number: she's lonely and vulnerable, call her right now before she starts feeling any sort of self worth. Hurry, you!"
-------------------------------------
Well, I have gotten that far thus far, and I have to ask....
WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!?!?!?!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, i agree with HadToBeDone. if i knew a girl had standards low enough to be with that psycho, i wouldn't try for her. no offense. well, i guess there's really no way to say that without being offensive. it's just not my intent. anyway, you definitely seem nice and intelligent and you're certainly attractive. do you wear deoderant?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:39:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:54:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
With your looks you'll usually attract the creeps faster than the good ones.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Damn right, cause I'd hit that shit.
Ba-dum-bum---CRASH
See, it was a play on my scr.... nevermind. You suck.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
tou fucking che!!!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why is Val single? Well, we all read these....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49427
http://www.ubersite.com/m/48961
Who wants to play seconds there?
Submitted by The_Great_Tom (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not because of her looks, that's for sure.
Submitted by FreshPrince (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess I'm single now...
Mainly due to the fact, that... Well, I forget...
I mean, I'm forgetful and I'm not a big talker, unless it comes to racing, or pot, or computers, or cars, or motorcycles, or golf, or pot
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:16:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm single because I'm too insanely awesome for words, let alone for just any guy to date.
Just kidding. Apparently I'm "intimidating". I prefer "sarcastically honest" but hey.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww, poor Val. I feel your pain. I've been single for a long time too, and I have NO idea why. I mean...I'm not ugly. Well, I'm not BUTT-ugly...erm, anyways, good post, some funny lines.
Oh, and EatMeCompletely?
***********************************
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:36:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
"OMG, VAL I LOVE YOU! LET ME STICK MY INTERNET PENIS IN YOUR INTERNET POOPER!"
All in all, you probably shouldn't listen to me. The last piece of ass that I got was when one of my fingers poked a hole through the toilet paper. And believe me when I say, you do not want seconds on that.
**************************************
HOLY CRAP that was the funniest fucking thing I've read all day. I feel like I should +2 something of yours just for that line.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-05 19:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Psycho bitches usually stay single and alone.
On a more positve note, I'm just neurotic enough- and have plenty of cash for alcohol - that I'm sure I could stand you long enough to fuck you twelve ways to Sunday before I would have to run for cover.
That oughta cheer you up!
Give me a call!
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's okay, we're in the same boat here. Or maybe it's not okay and we're still in the same boat except it's sinking. I even think we might be the same amount of neurotic. Maybe there's some group therapy that we should join.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" Did he just suavely wave his fart away from me?"
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Some of the repiles on this post are fucking gold.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:48:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PEE-LUS MOTHERFUCKING 2.
It's all about the rhythm. Just kidding. As a man, you need looks, money, or suavity (word?). Without one or more, you have no game. Trust me, this is a known fact. As a woman you need...Oh wait, just make sure you're somewhere between one and two hundred pounds for most men. Roughly. That's the way I see it, but don't take it from me, I'm a loser in the strongest sense of the word.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
worst camwhore ever.
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:33:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck...
It's with the FLOW not flood and sorry about that thing with the link,
I should get some sleep, I'm like a zombie right now
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36240 <--- Her camwhore
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps because you worry too much during your "dates"
just think that everytime you are with a male that you
dont know for a long time, it's a date... and go with
the flood
Ohhh... and for those who are wondering if Val's hot,
<a href="http://www.ubersite.com/m/36240">check out her camwhore
</a>
Submitted by Duckhunter7382 (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've had three boyfriends in my life, and have never been out on a date."
nothin wrong with that it only takes one relationship to be your last relationship.... if your 80s or something then you should be worried.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's because Val doesn't come to UberCons, even the ones that she herself organizes. SNAP!
Just kidding. I love you.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i am single because i am overweight. the same reason i choose not to date overweight girls/women.
because they're fat.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe coz val is a slut
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm single because i chose to be.
haha, yeah right. it's because i'm a loser.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The first thing you need to be is happy with who you are. If you aren't, your relationships will always fail. Don't try to mold your personality to the way you think it should be or what you think guys want. It will only make you miserable.
It sounds like you need to relax and enjoy yourself. Don't take everything so seriously. Date around. This is how you learn to have a healthy relationship later on.
I'm an overly analytical person and it always ruined things for me. I would read into every little thing and it would make me insane. My advice - stop it. It's only going to make you doubt yourself, which totally sucks ass.
I'm sure you rock. Don't be afraid to let it show.
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:37:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Because you're shallow, vain, and you search for means of physical beauty by putting yourself in a situation where there's less than two women competing with you, and a nest of dorks that whack off to Lara Croft (the 32bit version).
Quit being so typical and someone like me might give you a first glance.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure it's not all you. Lots of guys are intimidated by good-looking girls. Well, I suppose that could be construed as being your fault. Maybe you just need to ugly yourself up or something. I honestly don't know what to tell you.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:20:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:12:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you a lot. I've read your posts, and I have the sense that you're an intelligent young woman with a mind of her own and a good sense of humor. I'm sure you'd be a catch for any guy.
But...the Right guy will pull you in closer to his body when you give him the "go get 'em tiger" backslap". The Right guy will gently guide your chin up to meet his eyes when you nervously look away. And you won't need to tell the Right guy to call you...you'll just know that he will.
Chin up, kid. Good ones are out there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His was better and correct. There are good guys out there. I just wanted to make you smile.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you a lot. I've read your posts, and I have the sense that you're an intelligent young woman with a mind of her own and a good sense of humor. I'm sure you'd be a catch for any guy.
But...the Right guy will pull you in closer to his body when you give him the "go get 'em tiger" backslap". The Right guy will gently guide your chin up to meet his eyes when you nervously look away. And you won't need to tell the Right guy to call you...you'll just know that he will.
Chin up, kid. Good ones are out there.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this and thought I had rated it.
It didn't quite make +2.
Following this.....
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:36:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
All in all, you probably shouldn't listen to me. The last piece of ass that I got was when one of my fingers poked a hole through the toilet paper. And believe me when I say, you do not want seconds on that.
.......It got there.
-Dave
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bronchitis......
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:54:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
/realself on
"Why is Val single?"
I have been trying to think of a good answer for this for quite some time. I'm still at a loss. It boggles my mind.
Monarch is single because:
- Monarch is chivalrous (for some reason girls don't like this.)
- Monarch is old-fasioned (overly independent girls hate that.)
- Monarch is picky. Never comprimise your standards just for a date.
- Monarch is a 'nice guy.'
All good reasons. Despite being attractive enough to get girls, I don't have one due to my own peculiar brand of morals and standards. But that's my own choice, ya' know?
I think you just need a little bit of confidence in yourself. You need to start viewing yourself as the aggressor. Instead of waiting for them to come to you, go looking for them. Take charge of the situation.
If you haven't looked in the mirror lately, you're beautiful. Most guys would kill to land a girlfriend like you. The real trick is avoiding the creeps. The 'one night stand' sounds like a lot of fun, but it's over-rated. With your looks you'll usually attract the creeps faster than the good ones.
/realself off
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:47:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:36:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
All in all, you probably shouldn't listen to me. The last piece of ass that I got was when one of my fingers poked a hole through the toilet paper. And believe me when I say, you do not want seconds on that.
---------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
awesome!
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:47:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a book you need to read:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/068987474X/102-8073757-2982543?v=glance
If a guy is trying to get with you, and he's not a wuss, no amount of back patting is going to deter him. If he didn't call you back for a second date, it's because he didn't want to.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"OMG, VAL I LOVE YOU! LET ME STICK MY INTERNET PENIS IN YOUR INTERNET POOPER!"
Had to be done. But look on the bright side of things: You know that you're a headcase - which you are really not. <fake statistic> 95% of the population sucks at dating. How can this be true, you ask without really saying anything? Because it's not true, I reply. It is dating that sucks.
The eye contact thing isn't an easy one to conquer. I say find a guy with an enormous goiter. Make sure that he's a nice guy so that you would want to steer clear from hurting his feelings. I think that you'll find yourself never looking away from his baby-blues, browns, etc.
All in all, you probably shouldn't listen to me. The last piece of ass that I got was when one of my fingers poked a hole through the toilet paper. And believe me when I say, you do not want seconds on that.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
feel your pain sister....
is val hot?
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"OMG, VAL I LOVE YOU! LET ME STICK MY INTERNET PENIS IN YOUR INTERNET POOPER!"
heheh
i dont know what to tell you. i know why i am single, its because i am a horrible person.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No worries... however I thought that you back-slapped 4 times though.. the fourth being "My knee is ever-nearing your worthless groin."
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, what's up with that? You always look cute as hell in your pics.
"Well... yeah I mean.. call me if you want. You don't have to or anything. It's completely fine if you dont. You know what? It's no big deal. Don't call me. It's cool. I understand. I like you a lot, but it's totally fine. See you later!"
Oh wait, now I see.
Haha, j/k, but still, too funny. I fidget alot too.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why would you be self conscious? You're gorgeous!
Yeah, I have trouble keeping eye contact. I look everywhere *but* the persons eyes.
Then trying to look away my gaze roams over the crotch.. I dont know why! I don't
do it on purpose!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
None of that should matter, your a woman
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's my way of saying, "I had a wonderful time and can't wait to see you again. Please call me soon so we can drive to a movie and screw in the parking lot. Then we will go back to my place where you can eat sushi off my naked body, and we can watch the action movie of your choice. You don't even have to cuddle with me, or ever call me again. Just this one night has satiated my thirst for love for the rest of my life. Here's my best friend's phone number: she's lonely and vulnerable, call her right now before she starts feeling any sort of self worth. Hurry, you!"
That was hilarious, +2 for that. But you know what this kind of post is going to bring, don't you? Reviews that say:
"OMG, VAL I LOVE YOU! LET ME STICK MY INTERNET PENIS IN YOUR INTERNET POOPER!"
"Val, I'm the smooth internet stalker type. I feel your pain, have a large penis, and care deeply about whatever you say. None of those statements are true, but please let me meet you through a penis-shaped hole in the wall somewhere so my ego won't be hurt."
Watch as the magic unfolds.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you could be my girlfriend... well not really girlfriend more like a trans atlantic hooker. the deal is I give you plenty of charlie and you hang about my pad and fuck me and the other ladies a few times a day. its a pretty good deal im sure youll agree.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
we love you anyhow val.
Stay single so some of us can continue to fantasize, k?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh.......
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, val...you big silly. just repost it.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:18:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck. And I tried to make sure it would be a jpg. Sorry folks.