I'm a hateful bitch.... at least, I hope you think I am... (4567 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.87 on 135 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Loren (View user info) at 2005-01-05 16:39:42 EST
I haven't really learned much this year, but I think I've fine-tuned a few of my existing beliefs. I guess it's no surprise I don't have much in the way of any new and/or profound knowledge to relay, as:
-I'm getting older and the years are getting shorter
-I'm not in school
-I've been with the same company for 7+ years
-I don't change my mind often
-I don't get out much
-I drink heavily on a daily basis
Gone are the days of after-hours parties, 3-day benders, 3-hour long sex-capades on work nights, and here are the days of, "Holy crap, you stayed out until WHAT TIME?"
With these inevitable changes comes a certain sense of comfort though. For example, when I agree to go out for drinks with my coworkers I don't have to fear a DWI, because I usually leave - due to sheer exhaustion - after one. "Jesus, it's 7 O'clock already??? It's almost my bed time!"
Vacations are planned differently now too. Now, instead of the checklist including:
-How is the action at the nightclubs and on the strip?
-I can't wait to get a suntan
-Don't forget the beer funnel
It's evolved into:
-I hope like hell there's a curfew
-Don't forget the spf 30 and the beach umbrella
-Don't forget the Advil
One thing that hasn't changed, however, is absolute necessity for adequate accommodations for small children:
-Separate pool
-Separate restaurant
-Separate hotel
-Separate restrooms
-Separate ocean
-Separate vacation dates
----------------------------
Random thoughts and personal life-lessons-learned in 2004, in random order:
* Deep down, I truly envy people who can freely crap when others are in the bathroom.
* Want to make life a little better for your fellow human being? Get the fuck out of the left lane when you aren't passing. ***(1mph. faster than the car next to you is NOT an acceptable reason to stay in the left lane).
* Want to make life a little better AND safer? Turn off your fucking cell phone when you're driving.
* Even if you may not be "in the mood," chances are you will be once you get started.
* In a relationship, the fastest way to nip an argument in the bud is to say, "Yes dear."
* The second fastest way to nip an argument in the bud is to let him know as soon as you walk through the door that you have PMS.
* A trip to the veterinarian emergency clinic is 8x more expensive than an emergency room visit for people.
* Cruises are lovely, but chances are I will never go on another one.
* If a brand new friendship causes you grief, it's probably best for all involved to reevaluate whether or not it's worth pursuing.
* Money will never be an object when it's my mother's birthday.
* My Christmas bonus at work this year was a thermos.
* Remote control ignition on a car with a manual transmission is generally not a good idea.
* Red Bull is one of the best things ever invented. EVAR.
* The older you get, the more people will lay off asking, "When are you going to settle down and have babies?"
* 99.99% of attractive women are thought of as "hateful bitches" by 99.99% of men 99.99% of the time.
* I'm given about the same consideration as a speed bump where black women are concerned.
* If you give, you shall give.
* Nothing is unforgivable. You always have a choice.
* It takes two for an argument drag on, and only one to swing an iron frying pan.
* I've never known anyone who doesn't believe they are a good driver.
So who are all those other people?
* When someone tells you for no apparent reason, "I'm not intimidated by you" chances are what they're really saying is, "I don't give a shit about you or what you think of me."
* Saying "I don't know." or "You're right." is surprisingly liberating.
* Most people should ask, "Will you?" less, and say, "I will." more.
* "The time I found out there was no such thing as Santa" isn't the best story to bring up in mixed company unless you take a GOOD HARD look around first.
* Being winked or smiled at helps make life a little more bearable.
* One of the greatest triumphs in the life of a working stiff is getting out of bed in the morning.
* Don't save wrapping paper. Save those gift bags though, those things are fucking expensive.
* Alcohol and an unequal ratio of women-to-men can reduce even the most mature men to frat boy behavior.
* Do men like smaller, natural breasts, or large, surgically enhanced breasts? The answer: Yes.
* what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?
* One of the saddest things about our way of life is that most of us spend the majority of our waking hours - and in turn, our lives - with people we would NEVER choose to spend it with given the option.
Oh, and one more thing I learned ---
* It's almost impossible to get an open-eyed picture of a dog with redeye reduction turned on.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I read your comment on my post today and it reminded of a certain rectification I wanted to make on this post a while ago.
On this post, you indirectly claim to be an attractive woman because people think you're an hateful bitch.
Well, I would like to inform that you're defenitly not as attractive as you think you are. I've seen the UberAC pictures. Maybe by American standards because you don't weight 300 pounds but over here, or in most parts of Europe, you'd be...just another girl. A cute one indeed, but not as extraordinary as you convinced you are.
I don't think you're an hateful bitch. I do however believe that you think waaaaaay too highly of yourself. The fact that an Internet community thinks you're hot shit means absolutely fuck all.
I know plenty of attractive women (more than you), or men, that get respect from the opposite sex. Maybe people hate you because of your obviously swelled ego.
I know, I know...you've reach full maturity as a human being, or so you claim, and little teenagers like me should never even dare to criticize you. But do take this -2 and shove it up your pretentious ass.
P.S. Nice early 90's hairdo by the way. Don't worry, you'll catch up.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-02 18:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lesson i learnt this year:
go into the toilets of a supermarket; someone will be in the middle of, just finishing or about to release a big hairy shit
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-06-02 18:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Humour mixing well with philosophy. Could there be a more deserving +2?
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-06-02 18:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I learned early on that as a general rule, the more attractive a girl is the lonelier she is, because men approach them far less often"
------------------------
I know that men use the excuse, "I'm not talking to her, she looks like a bitch" because they're intimidated and afraid to approach. But, when something is said enough, people do start to believe it's true.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-06-02 17:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
99.99% of attractive women are thought of as "hateful bitches" by 99.99% of men 99.99% of the time.
- - -
The exact opposite is true (for me at least). Take sex for example, which encompasses everything else and is the endpoint of most encounters. The more attractive a girl is, usually the easier she is to bed, and the more uninhibited she is once there.
Some guys grow up believing your statement, so they unconsciously sabotage their encounters with hot girls, and their expectations then create that reality- while with less attractive girls, these guys assume she will be "easier," so they approach them more confidently, and thereby score with them, reaffirming this false stereotype and your statement.
I learned early on that as a general rule, the more attractive a girl is the lonelier she is, because men approach them far less often (confidently, assuming she will blow them off- no pun intended). And being more attractive, hot girls are typically far less self-conscious about their bodies, and so less inhibited sexually.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoyed this post, especially
My Christmas bonus at work this year was a thermos.
I'm picking out a thermos for you, not an ordinary thermos for you....
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
sorry i wont suck your tits this time, but this post just wasn't all that good.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still think you're one of the best on Uber.
Submitted by cleanfornow (user info) at 2005-01-21 12:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<Do men like smaller, natural breasts, or large, surgically enhanced breasts? The answer: Yes. >
How much does a medium sized pair of surgically enhanced breasts cost?
Is it true you can't breat feed if you were to have a baby?
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2005-01-18 09:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't really learned much this year, but I think I've fine-tuned a few of my existing beliefs. I guess it's no surprise I don't have much in the way of any new and/or profound knowledge to relay, as:
-I'm getting older and the years are getting shorter
-I'm not in school
-I've been with the same company for 7+ years
-I don't get out much
-I drink heavily on a daily basis
--------------------------------------------------------
I think Im wiser than my years, but Ive only been in my company 5 years. Other than that, it all holds true.
I forget where I put my keys every morning, even though I put them in the same place every night...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-17 12:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-01-11 15:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Do men like smaller, natural breasts, or large, surgically enhanced breasts? The answer: Yes."
Finally somebody gets it.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-09 16:42:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tend to gravitate towards 'lost in the mental abyss what-the-fuck does it all mean?' kind of people.
And tits.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-09 02:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
thanks a fucking lot about reminding me about those 3 hour sex bouts on work nights.
fuck, i can't even remember the last time I even HAD sex on a work night.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-09 02:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hateful bitch.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-01-07 22:13:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cookie?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-07 21:47:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
err...BRAD*
hahaha i spammed that like 4 times and i just now noticed my typo.
i'm such a dork!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-07 21:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS JUST IN:
BRATT PITT IS BACK ON THE MARKET.
WITCHCRAFT REALLY DOES WORK.
that is all.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-01-06 12:31:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
* Do men like smaller, natural breasts, or large, surgically enhanced breasts? The answer: Yes."
Yes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
How did I miss this first time?
-Dave
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:10:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yay Loren!
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-01-07 12:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where ever I am I always find myself looking out the window wishing I was somewhere else.
- Angelina Jolie
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2005-01-07 11:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hahah, Hidden, I'm glad you picked up on the Photoshop thing. ;) "
I'm glad you both did...
Personally I only know how to launch it, more of a hardware guy.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-01-07 09:53:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahah, Hidden, I'm glad you picked up on the Photoshop thing. ;)
Bart -
* When the train starts making that noise, it's time to get out if you don't want to end up in Harlem
I can't believe I didn't think of adding that. That was an instant classic.
Bart Cilfone in Harlem, it's like a cruel joke.
Visit to NYC overnight: $300.00
Loren adjusting watch for daylight savings while inebriated: $0
Walking Loren to train at Grand Central next day: $0
Door shutting and getting trapped on Hudson line because watch was 15 minutes behind: $0
Next stop to get off and turn around - Harlem: Priceless
I could have written that better, but it's still too early for my brain to function at full capacity.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-07 04:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243931/
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-01-07 04:09:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
* When the train starts making that noise, it's time to get out if you don't want to end up in Harlem
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-01-07 01:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
* Do men like smaller, natural breasts, or large, surgically enhanced breasts? The answer: Yes.
-------
Haha, nice. Just 'yes.'
Even though you're a hateful old bat I still like you..sometimes...well not really.. Just kidding~
You sound too miserable for your age. Pshh you should get out more often and not care about what time you have to get up or whatever. I guess I'll figure out why people stop doing that shit when they get older WHEN I GET OLDER but yeah.
fuck it all, no regrets! wooo
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-07 01:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, you're dog's cute.
And Aus made that cell phone descision already, it's illegal to talk on your phone while you're driving now. People still do it though. And send texts. How can they type and stay on the road?
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2005-01-07 00:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-07 00:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why not take the shots of the dog without the red-eye reducer and just photoshop the red out afterwards? I could tell you how...
=================================================
ahahahahahaha
yeah, someone SHOULD show Loren how to use Photoshop....
ps- MS PAINT RULES!!!
Submitted by booj (user info) at 2005-01-06 21:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work.
People have issues shitting in public toilets - news to me.
Always good to hear about an issue other people have that you had never even considered - like when you see ads for removal of varicose veins or somehting that you didn't even know existed and you think "whoohoo there's an issue I don't have".
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2005-01-06 20:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
Were these made up "on-the-spot" or have you been jotting them down over the course of the year?
I don't know why I found this so great, I'm not high or even inebriated... I like the ellipses in the title though...
Why not take the shots of the dog without the red-eye reducer and just photoshop the red out afterwards? I could tell you how...
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-06 19:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my puppy: http://www.ubersite.com/m/55992
and RedBull kicks so much ass its not funny!
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-01-06 19:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. I agreed with 99.9 % of this post.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-01-06 18:41:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
* One of the saddest things about our way of life is that most of us spend the majority of our waking hours - and in turn, our lives - with people we would NEVER choose to spend it with given the option.
--
I love my family and I love my friends, but there's no way I'd feel the same way about them if I had to hang out with those losers everyday.
Submitted by murtisha (user info) at 2005-01-06 18:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. Like the doggie pics. Funny.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-06 18:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just because.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-01-06 18:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome.
And:
* Deep down, I truly envy people who can freely crap when others are in the bathroom.
That's an acquired skill.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-01-06 15:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good, and the series of doggie pics was goddamned hilarious! I go through the same thing with my cats...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-06 15:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just spent 3 and a half hours shoveling 13 inches of snow out of our driveway. It was even higher in spots due to drifting. Highest drift was in the driveway at about 5'6". Needless to say, as soon as I get my degree I'm out of Iowa.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-01-06 15:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh heh, I found a spelling error!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nah man, don't blame you.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...Agree... except for the late nights thing... woohoo... insomnia... boo
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's the problem. there's no work here. that's why i'm leaving. corporate IT consulting wasn't working out for me. plus it sucked bigtime.
it's snowing here right now. i'm heading to a place where it's sunny and warm. can you blame me?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-06 11:16:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. i love you, Loren. i thought about doing that, but then i thought it might look bad, like i was some kind of beggar. then i decided i would at least do something if i was going to ask for money, so i was going to make a post entitled "hidden101: Internet street performer" and play my guitar and sing, asking for people to put money in my cyber hat via paypal, but i lost my adapter to hook my guitar up to my computer to record anything. if you feel generous, though, you can always paypal me at hidden101.at.hotmail.com. i'm trying to keep a positive outlook on this whole decision to start over, but that's hard to do with no money. i have just enough to get me where i'm going, but after that's gone, i'm going to be pretty hungry... but hey, i'm hardcore. i'll make it. """
Bitch please, work a few more months then move town.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-01-06 13:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can save you from your spinsterhood! --------> http://www.ubersite.com/m/56034
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-01-06 12:31:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
* Do men like smaller, natural breasts, or large, surgically enhanced breasts? The answer: Yes."
Yes.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-01-06 12:04:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Stellar grammar as per usual."
Nice!
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-01-06 11:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever heard of spell check?!!
Joking. Stellar grammar as per usual.
Good post.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-06 11:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. i love you, Loren. i thought about doing that, but then i thought it might look bad, like i was some kind of beggar. then i decided i would at least do something if i was going to ask for money, so i was going to make a post entitled "hidden101: Internet street performer" and play my guitar and sing, asking for people to put money in my cyber hat via paypal, but i lost my adapter to hook my guitar up to my computer to record anything. if you feel generous, though, you can always paypal me at hidden101.at.hotmail.com. i'm trying to keep a positive outlook on this whole decision to start over, but that's hard to do with no money. i have just enough to get me where i'm going, but after that's gone, i'm going to be pretty hungry... but hey, i'm hardcore. i'll make it.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-06 10:58:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good post
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-01-06 10:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and Shlongy - can't wait until you're old enough for diapers?
Incontinence knows no age Shlongy, go out and treat yourself to a bag of Depends® Undergarments, they're sure to be a real party-pleaser.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-01-06 10:32:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe this thing is on the most heated list. See? Put "bitch" or "hate" in the title and it's guaranteed to be a winner.
Mystia, that cracked me up. My best friend and I, coincidentally, have known each other since 4th grade, so that would make it 26 years of friendship w/us too. *Insert twilight zone music here*
She has 2 young boys and they live in about a 600 sq.ft. apartment. She has NO privacy either, and I guess once you're a mother, poop just isn't something you even blink at with all of those millions of diapers and ass-wipings...
I digress. If she ever, ever crapped in front of me I would be forced to kill her.
Hey Hidden:
Why not start a "Hidden Donation Post?" -- I think I heard a little loose change jingling around in my work bag on the way in this morning... and it's yours if you want it baby.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-06 10:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's me... I'm a terrible driver and I freely admit it.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-01-06 09:41:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good post
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-06 09:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-06 08:56:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
you yanks aren't very poo friendly people.
We just shit anywhere, in fact I am doing it right now at my desk.
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....I can't wait until I'm old enough to wear adult diapers and crap myself at any time.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-06 09:01:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo, for some odd reason, I actually believe you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-06 08:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you yanks aren't very poo friendly people.
We just shit anywhere, in fact I am doing it right now at my desk.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-06 08:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, story time.
My friend Jenni and I have known each other for over 26 years. We met at the age of 4. She lived directly behind me and only a small fence divided our backyards.
Fast forward to 2 years ago......
She is married with 5, yes i said 5 , children. She has been a baby factory since graduation. Well she never has time for hair or make-up nonsense, so when we go out on occasion, she comes over early and I do her hair and make-up for her. We have been doing this since junior high actually. If you give her make-up and let her do it herself, she ends up looking like a cross between BoZo and a transvestite hooker on a bender.
So there we are in my bathroom getting ready for our bi-annual girls night out. I slap some foundation on her and tell her to rub that in while i'm curling my hair. Now, being girls, and life-long friends, we always drop trou and pee in each others presence while getting ready in the bathroom. We are usually drinking and doing shots before we go to the bar to save money and when women drink, we pee excessively, so when she lifts the toilet seat and sits down, I think nothing of it. Suddenly I smell poo. I look at her and exclaim "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?.....OMG!!!....NO!!!....THE HORROR!!....I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE YOU SKEEZY HIPPY FREAK!!!!" then proceed to run out of the bathroom, dropping the hot curling iron and setting my bathroom ablaze with her still on the pot......ok the fire part is a lie....but the rest is true.
She says" I'm married with 5 young kids, I haven't shit in peace in 10 years. I just did it naturally without even thinking"
Horrified and huddled in a far away corner of the house I mumbled something about opening a window or something...
26 yrs of knowing someone and they can still scare the living hell out of you.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-06 08:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomeness.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-06 08:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you truly envy people who can freely crap with other people in the bathroom, why do you all travel in herds when you go there?
I always figured that there was some girl-power crap fest going on back there. Hmmmmm. There goes that theory. Women are so mysterious.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-06 06:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooops I meant to +2 that so here you are..
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-06 06:42:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
* Deep down, I truly envy people who can freely crap when others are in the bathroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ahahahaa that really made me laugh.
Good observations. I agree with 99.99% of 'em..
and GORGEOUS dog.
can I just add to that
* if you smile at someone in the street they WILL smile back at you.
* giving up smoking actually hurts LESS than spending £100 a month on it. It still hurts like a bastard and you will cry like a baby. But it hurts less.
and finally
* the people who complain the most are the ones who actually DO something about it the least.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-06 05:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Things I learned in 2004 :
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-06 05:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good advice you learned and then re-dispensed there. Thankyou.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2005-01-06 05:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop starving that dog and feed it a steak.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-01-06 03:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop getting your dog stoned, please. It just isn't natural.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-06 03:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Add my name to the list of men that would give their left nut just to nail you.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-01-06 02:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just thought this was really good. I really like the way you express your thoughts
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-01-06 01:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-01-06 00:43:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so when are we gonna do it?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-06 00:07:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really really reallllllllllllllll -sorry dozed off- freakin drunk, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I read this util my eyes went crossed, thren I just said to myselfd "you know, she's right on 98% of this"
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-01-05 22:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot this:
"BigMike is the nicest man I've never met"
You are spot on about the wink and smile bit. Spot freaking on.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-01-05 22:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Always wondered what happened to that Taco Bell Chihuahua after he retired from commercials and kicked back with a lifetime supply of chalupas.
Submitted by Pharathyse (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
* Even if you may not be "in the mood," chances are you will be once you get started.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's it like to not be "in the mood"? <looks around innocently>
Seriously.. good stuff. : )
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:36:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
so, for 2005, i've decided to pack up my shit and go somewhere else so i can start over. i'm actually in the middle of packing right now. i'm going to throw most of my possessions away. i won't be needing them. i don't like it here and this place is sucking the life out of me and hindering any progress i intend to make, so i'm packing up my shit and heading out this weekend without any money or a plan. 2005 should be interesting indeed....
------------
Hidden: I did almost that very same thing 2 1/2 years ago (only difference being I had a little money and a vague plan)... point being, I got the fuck out of where I was and started over somewhere new, on my own, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. Good luck and enjoy. It will probably be quite an adventure.
==================================================================
it won't be the first time for me. this time is going to be pretty rough, not having any money and all. but it certainly is liberating. i'm about to throw away most of my belongings in a few minutes. well, i'm going to give furniture away to people that want it, but the rest of my shit is gone. one thing i can't live without is my laptop and cell phone. i need to be able to communicate at all times. so, i have my phone to make calls and to hook up to my laptop when i need the Internet. i get an ISDN speed connection on it (115Kbps), so it's not bad at all. better than dialup.
anyway, this should prove to be interesting. it will be rough for the first few months, but there should be times when it's fun and exciting, too. all i can say is that i'm glad mexican women like white guys. =)
ps- if anyone has a warm heart and extra change, feel free to paypal me some money. it may save me from starving to death. haha. hidden101.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:23:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-05 19:52:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
This pains me to give you this rating.
But as an old bastard, I agree with you probably 92%.
So, when can we "do it", toots?
-------------
Lemme read Loren's mind...
"As soon as you pull the chipmunk out of your ass"
Shlongy's reply...
"It's not a chipmunk, it's a squirrel."
Loren's respose to that...
"You sick fuck. Go die now."
I can see it now..............
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-05 21:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read again, and I must say...INSTANT CLASSIC!
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You learned all that in five days?
Sorry, had to be done.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Since I gave a +2, I also am allowed to add this;
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55870
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:46:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy new year!
Some favorites...
* Deep down, I truly envy people who can freely crap when others are in the bathroom.
Oh jeebus yes.
* A trip to the veterinarian emergency clinic is 8x more expensive than an emergency room visit for people.
Parakeet at Greendale Mall: $13.95
Trip to Cat and Bird Hospital: $150.00, plus the trauma of driving bird to hospital in snow emergency, watching bird hooked up to bird IV, and seeing bird with shaved stomach and two little bird stitches.
* I've never known anyone who doesn't believe they are a good driver.
My ex-boyfriend on, let's say a Monday: "I have the best driving record of all of our friends." Arriving at my house on Tuesday: "Yeah, it was crazy, I just tapped the brakes and I spun all the way around so I was facing the wrong way in oncoming traffic."
* Don't save wrapping paper. Save those gift bags though, those things are fucking expensive.
My dad's favorite thing to mock my grandmother (his mother-in-law...he's playing with fire there, man lives on the edge I tell you) about is her tendency to want to save wrapping paper. Therefore every gift opening on Christmas morning sounded liked this: *crinkle crinkle crinkle rip* "OH GOD DON'T RIP THE PAPER!! WE HAVE TO SAVE IT!" "Very funny, Kenny."
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:34:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Great_Tom (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really hate doing this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-05 19:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This pains me to give you this rating.
But as an old bastard, I agree with you probably 92%.
So, when can we "do it", toots?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-05 19:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.................
DAMN YOU AND YOUR INSANE AMOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT EXCEL!!!
Besides, in class in elementary, we sat in ROWS...
Bah...
hehe
Submitted by PoloboiGC (user info) at 2005-01-05 19:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You sound like a diry fucking Whore!
I wouldn't date you... gross bitter bitch thats what you are...
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-01-05 19:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Deep down, I truly envy people who can freely crap when others are in the bathroom."
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55899
That fits in with your post, not at all. I'm a whore.
Submitted by magnus (user info) at 2005-01-05 19:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you know a dru?
if you do
die you silly bitch I hope dru kills you
if not sorry?
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an awful driver. Sometimes I wonder how or why they let me on the road in the first place. If you want proof, John Galt wrote a lovely little post about it, the bitch.
Bella looks so shy, it's really cute.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm not intimidated by you" aahahaha. I wonder where that come from? Seriously, I can't remember.
The red-eye thing sucks. I know because all of Austin's opened eyed pics have red eye.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:40:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You kick ass, ma'am.
I'm free for beatings, beration and/or any general venting of frustrations anytime between noon and 8:00PM Fridays.
Keep busting balls, babe... although that doesn't apply to the above offer.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so, for 2005, i've decided to pack up my shit and go somewhere else so i can start over. i'm actually in the middle of packing right now. i'm going to throw most of my possessions away. i won't be needing them. i don't like it here and this place is sucking the life out of me and hindering any progress i intend to make, so i'm packing up my shit and heading out this weekend without any money or a plan. 2005 should be interesting indeed....
------------
Hidden: I did almost that very same thing 2 1/2 years ago (only difference being I had a little money and a vague plan)... point being, I got the fuck out of where I was and started over somewhere new, on my own, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. Good luck and enjoy. It will probably be quite an adventure.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're such a bitch. Oh, and your dog sucks, too.
Preferably my left nut. That's the sweet spot.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"life. she is a motherfucker, is she not?"
my life sucks right now. and i mean SUCKS. 2004 was the absolute worst year of my life. so many bad things happened to me that i ended up in the hospital because of a nervous breakdown. it was one thing after another.
so, for 2005, i've decided to pack up my shit and go somewhere else so i can start over. i'm actually in the middle of packing right now. i'm going to throw most of my possessions away. i won't be needing them. i don't like it here and this place is sucking the life out of me and hindering any progress i intend to make, so i'm packing up my shit and heading out this weekend without any money or a plan. 2005 should be interesting indeed....
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:14:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
* One of the saddest things about our way of life is that most of us spend the majority of our waking hours - and in turn, our lives - with people we would NEVER choose to spend it with given the option.
sooo true.
maybe if 99% of attractive women were not hateful bitches, then the 99% of us men wouldn't think so so often.
i am just kidding. i think only about 60% of the attractive women i have met are hateful and/or bitches. in new jersey, the number is closer to the 99.9% you quoted.
i don't think that has to do with our perception, but in fact reality. the number is probably the same for fat and/or ugly women also, but nobody cares.
i say it how it is.
good rant.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This = great post
I disagree with some. I think you have had a pretty bad string of luck with men it sounds like. I apologise on behalf of all of us. Actually I don't care what you think....
unless it's about me.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:54:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love seeing your name on the front page.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:48:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
..yet it's all up to you pal. I'm 25, been with the same company for 7 years, and I roll like it's 1999 every night.
Course... you'll probably live "longer" than I.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's far right "column" not row. But yes, you're absolutely right.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:53:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Far right row of pics, third one down...
Look like someone having their picture taken, trying to look all hard and shit.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear god what I wouldn't give for just 5 minutes alone in a room with that smug looking dog, a salad fork, and a 40" length of clothesline. I'm warning you, If you bring that arrogant animal to Vegas there WILL be major problems. I will teach him the meaning of pain.
You know I am just fucking around....right?
But seriously, it would be a good thing if you boarded him during your vacation. You know... just in case.
oh yea, This had me lauging out loud.
Submitted by ALINA (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like an Andy Warhol of the pooch.
I learned that stretching is not an option anymore.
Also, that no one absolutely no one (with the exception of people you routinely have sex with) are pulling for you when you're on a diet.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:00:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:53:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I usually say "I don't know" even when I do.
Oh Jesus, me too. I've REALLLY tried to cut down on that one - makes me sound weak.
------------------------------
I say it because I'm a bastard who doesn't like sharing his brain. "Get your own damn answers" is my motto.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:17:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what kind of dog is that?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lame title. "I'm Getting Old / I'm a Spinster" rant was forgettable, been done better elsewhere before. Red eye reduction means 2 flashes, of course the dog will be blinking in the 2nd one, dummy.
I say +0 because it wasn't outright bad. But I know I am harsh on you so add +1, because I am trying to be nice & see the beauty in others. Looking hard.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
K, the dog made me laugh.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:14:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I completely enjoyed this. Thank you.
Submitted by houseman (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post Loren. What exactly does redeye reduction do to a dog?
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:02:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loren: the only trait rivaling her beauty is her wisdom.
Kissing ass on teh intarweb rulez!!!1!
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-05 17:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:53:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I usually say "I don't know" even when I do.
Oh Jesus, me too. I've REALLLY tried to cut down on that one - makes me sound weak.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:59:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I picture you as the mom from The Manchurian Candidate.
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:57:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
* When someone tells you for no apparent reason, "I'm not intimidated by you" chances are what they're really saying is, "I don't give a shit about you or what you think of me."
I disagree with this one thing only. I think when someone says this, they are saying "I'm intimidated as hell by you, but I'm going to try blustering my way out of it". People who are really unflappable never feel the need to say so.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quit getting your dog high and she might be able to keep her eyes open...teehee.
It sucks getting older, doesn't it?
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Far right row of pics, third one down...
Look like someone having their picture taken, trying to look all hard and shit.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I usually say "I don't know" even when I do.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:45:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
You seem to be a refreshingly down to earth and smart woman.
I enjoy your posts, including this one.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loren, you kick complete and utter, total arse.
Please continue to do so during 2005.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So attractive women are NOT hateful bitches? Are you sure?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was cute. In a Chickeny Soup for the Uber Soul kinda way.
.......or not.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
was your emergency vet clinic visit from the onset of blindness resultant of so many camera flashes?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
* Never EVER let Matt Maiorano say he'll do UberInterview III while he's drunk. It will never happen.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Preach!
I'm laughing like a lunatic at those dog pictures.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can relate to 97% of these. Oh dear.
ooooh widdew puppy!!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Getting older sucks.
And the pics of the dog made me giggle.
+1 for each of them.
-Dave
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You seem to be a refreshingly down to earth and smart woman.
I enjoy your posts, including this one.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I turn 30 Sunday and this post was just what I needed.
Thanks.
And Bella is beautiful!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-05 16:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....
PRETTY RAT-PUPPY!