Grandpa's Shoes (560 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <DifferentTrains> (View user info) at 2005-01-07 09:32:19 EST
Rate this accordingly, it was an old english paper I submitted during high school.
What is it that constitutes old age? When we become a certain age, we're suddenly that part of the population that can't go to the bathroom alone? Well whatever that age, whenever that time, I'm going to be a mean old guy. I'll be the type of old person who lives alone on the top of the hill. When kids lose their toys on MY hill, I'll make darn sure they don't get them back. And IF they try, I'll come running, clothed or not, and spray them with a hose. But just because my life will amount to nothing, does that not still mean that old people should show me the respect I deserve?
It was a calm summer morning, like any other, except completely different. It was grocery day. And if my mom waking me up to go buy food wasn't bad enough, I had to go buy food with my mom. She came into my room rather rambunctiously, and stirred me from my slumber. Now at this point, I was having a very vivid, colorful dream, and her waking me happened to be at a climatic point in my dream. As you can imagine, I was pretty upset. Well, no, upset isn't quite the word. I was raging with anger, and was ready to ignite at my sudden awakening. But I kept my cool.
Hair tousled and disarray, I slowly roused from dream land and entered the real world. I had but little time to get myself ready, so I threw on some dirty clothes and descended the stairs towards the kitchen. I proceeded to find it occupied by my bustling parents who were bustly bustling their way about. As I grabbed a stale muffin from the pantry, something came to me in a revelation. I still needed service hours for my church, and I hadn't done a single one. I shrugged it off, procrastinating the inevitable hours, promising myself that they would get done, eventually. I had promised myself, and my parents that they would get done at the local old person's home, and hadn't quite lived up to that promise.
We were nearing the super market when something hit me... and this time it wasn't a stale muffin that caused my sudden conclusion.
"Uhh... mom? Why am I going with you anyway?" And her response did little to surprise me.
"To help me with the groceries"
And that was that. There was nothing more to be said, or else swift punishment would surely ensue. We arrived at Stop and Shop, and I took my time making the way out of the car, in an attempt to discourage my lifelong foe, el Mama. But to my dismay, she hadn't waited, but had instead walked far ahead of me. I started to run to catch up to her, but saw that she had already entered the store, so I slowed my pace. As I came to the doors, I noticed a small, elderly man hobbling his way to the door. I figured that, since I was starting my service hours at an old folks home, why not get a head start? Maybe somewhere deep inside, I figured that holding the door open for the old guy would make me that much more eligible for Heaven, when I really should have just slammed it into what little teeth he had left. I went ahead of him, and held the door open. As he came up the door, he slowed his pace even more, and then, just stopped. He stared at me through faded eyes, which had the color of rotting garbage, and opened his mouth only for a quick moment, as if to take a breath before speaking. Then, he said something. The following events are true, and it pains me to recall them.
"You think I can't open doors for myself? Huh?" And I completely didn't expect it. I didn't see it coming at all, and so I didn't have a response. And since I didn't have a response, he jeered at me.
"What's a matter? Can't think of anything clever and witty to take the old man off his feet?"
Naturally, a small smile spread over my face in light of his mockery. At first glance of my smile though, his faded. Then I knew that this old man, he played no jokes.
"You really think that's funny? Well you're too stupid to know the difference between funny and a sack 'o pancakes anyway, so I'm not surprised!" And again, I couldn't think to say anything. I mean, that was quite positively the stupidest comment I had ever heard in all of my life, so what response could I have come up with?
After several seconds of just staring at me, he got tired, and made his way into the supermarket. It didn't take me long to spot my mom, and so I caught up with her and tried to tell her what had happened.
"Sorry, but there was this old guy, and he was really old, and.." And again, was interrupted.
"It's fine, help me find the eggs." And I had no choice but to concede to this command.
All was thought to have been going well, that was of course, until I spotted the old man from across the store. This time, he had a shopping cart full of food, and he was making his way, very slowly, across the store. And we were headed in his direction.
It was just my luck that something like this was to happen, and of course, as we made our way towards him, he dropped a thick piece of meat. I swear to God, this man was after me. I could swear it to you that he purposely took that sausage and just threw it on the ground, just so I would pick it up for him. But I kept on walking. My mom stopped me and said:
"Won't you pick that up for him?"
And so I had to. I bent over and picked up the old mans sausage, right off the floor. With that, he winked and said:
"Thank you kindly boy, if only there were more children like you in this world."
User Reviews
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-01-07 13:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"accordingly"
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-07 11:27:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-01-07 09:44:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i liked that, being woken up by your mum mid climax and playing with an old mans sausage, this is practically pornographic.