Playing with Fire - Collegiate Bright Ideas (7) (3212 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.93 on 57 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Smurfs (View user info) at 2005-01-07 14:54:00 EST
Three separate computers are competing for prominence, the television is blaring and open bottles of beer are littering the six-man apartment. People are littered across couches and beds, the low murmur of voices are obfuscated by the raging battle of hip-hop, rock and classical.
It's the night before finals, at Fordham U
And the students were looking for procrastinating to do
Quiet bedlam was growing, as the studying waned
Until with a flourish, my roommate exclaimed:
Out Dylan, out Ryan, out Marlon and Mike,
And we sprang from our rooms in eager delight
To witness him standing, a bottle in hand
And thanks to Everclear, the evening was different than planned.
He held it aloft proudly, in its 190 proof, 95% grain alcohol... magnificence. We stared at him bewildered, slackers that we were... there was no way any of us would be in the condition to suffer through finals tomorrow if we cracked that bottle. He only laughed and shook his head, pouring some into a pitcher of Gatorade.
It tasted like razor blades were raping my throat. Razor blades coated in peroxide and salt.
'More please,' as I held out my empty cup, grimacing as I watched the swirling pale red liquid fill the glass.
Halfway through that class, numerous random conversations, watching a roommate puke as he tried to do a shot, then laughing hysterically as tears flowed form his eyes as he was placing ice cubes on his tongue, my eyes landed heavily open the half full bottle of alcohol.
Then they saw the matches sitting next to it.
I almost fell over as my combustably repressed pyromaniac bubbled out of me.
'I so want to see if I can spit fire.'
Three heads snapped towards me, all shaking negatively. 'Dude, you're insane... we are in a dorm.'
'It's totally fireproof,' I scoffed, sipping my acidic smelling Gatorade. 'Who would know? We'll draw the shades so the apartments across can't see... it will be fun... think of it as studying physics!'
'None of us are taking physics.'
'It's a grand sociological experiment then. Imagine the implication if man could create fire at will.'
'What?'
I shrugged and grabbing the matches and bottle. As I took a large swig, I gagged, struggling to hold the fiery liquid in my mouth while I lit the match. As my friends laughed around me, I spit the alcohol at the flaring match... or more aptly, spewed a torrent of alcohol at it that only succeeded in dousing the match and my roommate.
We laughed as he ran into the bathroom screaming about the burning in his eyes.
'Hey dick!' he called from the bathroom, 'Why don't you try in here so you don't accidentally set one of us on fire?'
Pulling myself from the chair, I walk/staggered into the bathroom, where my friend was still washing the Everclear from his eyes. He turned the water in the shower on and pointed, filling my mouth, grimacing as the foul liquid sunk into my cheeks I sprayed it over the match and:
FOOOOOOOOOM!
A fireball erupted from my mouth, barely missing the side of my roommates face.
'SHIT!' he screamed, falling over, laughing.
'That was fucking amazing!'
'Do it again!'
Shaking the cobwebs from my mind, and the glaze from my eyes I complied, belching a bubble of flame out in the bathroom. It was amazing, I felt deified.
Confident as only a tipsy college student could be in my new ability, I wandered back into the living room, belching balls of fire... with the lights on, with them off... near friends, various scenarios that were bound to get ugly.
I think the turning point was when I dropped a match on the table and watched it flare up as it hit a puddle of spilt Everclear, only to burn itself out on the flame resistant table.
Disappearing into my room, I called the girl I was casually seeing, slurring through an invitation for her to come down. Somewhere when she was asking what 'fwiar' meant I hung up, waiting for her to come over.
Fifteen minutes later she showed up with some friends, I smiled and poured Everclear across the coffee table.
'What the fuck are you doing?'
'hahahahahahhahaha'
'How drunk are you?'
I pointed to my roommates who were cracking up while scrambling to get out of the way, while only succeeding on tripping over themselves. She glowered at me, hands on her hips... Ms. Republican, President of the Pro-Life Club.
'Juzz, watch!' I hiccupped, getting on my knees and taking a large mouthful of Everclear. My shaking hands struggling to light the match.
It took a moment to register for her... 'oh shit... MIKE!'
With a mighty bellow the liquid was shot form my mouth, over the match and across the table...
...
...
We ended things shortly. I aced my final. The wall is still scorched in the apartment.
-----------------------------------------------
Camwhore: Me on my knees, one of my roommates on the couch
User Reviews
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-09-28 10:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
On a related subject (sorry for the linkwhore and the NSFW, but funny)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59750
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:36:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For all of us that have tried this...I bow down on their behalf to the master! Job well done!!!
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-02-17 15:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-02-08 01:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that rocked so hard! i'm not a fan of the drinking but the fireball was awesome and the picture was just the icing on the cake.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-14 04:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is so fucking cool. My friend does it professionaly.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-09 14:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:39:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dr. Pepper:
-half full pint of light beer
-shot filled mostly with ameretto and topped with 151.
light the shot and drop it into the beer, chug.
-------------------
this sounds yummy.
I am writing the recipe on my hand. I *must remember this*.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-01-09 11:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This story reminds me of when I was a freshman in college and played Circle of Death with Everclear. I think it was 10 minutes after the first waterfall that I started puking, then about 30 minutes after that I was passed out. God I miss college.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-01-08 16:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good, Papa Smurf. Very good indeed.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-08 08:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Jebus, the perfection of this post...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-08 07:17:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One more for karma.
Sorry (Again).
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-08 07:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Attempting to make amends.
Math was never my strong point.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-08 07:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was drinking too.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-08 07:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:48:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:18:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for putting up the full size pic.
Just hunting more compliments.
+4 for the pic though.
Pure awesome.
-Dave
---------------------------------
mmmmm.... math
---------------------------------
Sorry I am an idiot.
-Dave
Submitted by Mill29 (user info) at 2005-01-08 02:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seen it done with a much smaller fireball.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-08 02:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fwiar.
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-01-08 02:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that's ballsy. As usual, this was wicked.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2005-01-07 23:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
done it with 151, hilarity.
nice pic/story.
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-01-07 23:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-01-07 22:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-01-07 20:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
having "revenge of the nerds" flashbacks.
FIREBALL, FIREBALL, FIREBALL!
Submitted by dedre (user info) at 2005-01-07 20:46:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story! Added to that an actual pic of the encounter between fabled everclear and always handy book 'o matches.
Sweetness
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2005-01-07 20:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have every right to feel deified.
I shall call you dragon breath. As I'm pretty sure your breath probably stunk after all that as well.
Submitted by Ka (user info) at 2005-01-07 19:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahahaha.
Submitted by FreshPrince (user info) at 2005-01-07 19:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Marley is awesome, good boy.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:18:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for putting up the full size pic.
Just hunting more compliments.
+4 for the pic though.
Pure awesome.
-Dave
---------------------------------
mmmmm.... math
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:25:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DAVROS!!! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:18:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for putting up the full size pic.
Just hunting more compliments.
+4 for the pic though.
Pure awesome.
-Dave
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:02:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is a true thing of beauty.
The fire's not bad, either.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would... but I graduated a year and a half ago Matt, sorry
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a friend who goes to Fordham. He should be a sophomore by now. Do you know a blonde fat kid named Seamus? Make it a point to hang out and drink with him. He's a riot.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smurfs - Fuck you. That's MY favorite. Only one of us can consider the Dr. Pepper Bomb as a favorite drink. Battle to the death!!
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:43:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are all that is man!
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:39:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:19:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Works with 151 too.
-------------------
Yeah... one of my favorite drinks:
Dr. Pepper:
-half full pint of light beer
-shot filled mostly with ameretto and topped with 151.
light the shot and drop it into the beer, chug.
So good.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know how anyone could give less than a 2 to that picture. Congratulations, you're about to be indirectly responsible for my firealarm going off.
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Works with 151 too.
Submitted by DamianD (user info) at 2005-01-07 17:09:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
High quality entertainment. I wish i could by that stuff in England.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-01-07 16:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not only did this post kick ass, but because of the picture, I predict it will be a perfect 2 through at least 60 reviews (unless you have an enemy I don't know about).
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-07 16:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to get some Everclear and try that.
I've tried it with other stuff, but never gotten that good a result. Looks fun!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-07 16:22:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I did that once, except with butane instead of grain alcohol. It was still pretty cool.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-01-07 16:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is so awesome!
Also, your roommate is one fat sonofabitch.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-07 16:18:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love the picture, it's so rare stuff like this actually gets documented...
The reaction on my friends face is great
Here is a bit bigger version:
http://www.smurfalot.com/fireballtable3.jpg
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-07 16:06:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit dude.... That picture is awesome.
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:43:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude thats fucking sweet.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:38:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
done it. but that is a FUCKING INTACULEDIBLE PICTURE
Submitted by Allicat (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the picture just says it all
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Bob Marley poster
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:15:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Smurfs on his knees... mmmmmm....
---
Exactly!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:17:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a similar story, but it involves a roomate lighting a cigarette while holding a bottle of Everclear. Cutting to the chase, he had to do a lot of stopping, dropping, and rolling.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smurfs on his knees... mmmmmm....
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HO
LY
SHIT
I *was* gonna post something tonight, but the stars have alligned, and there are WAAAAAAAAAAY too many posts as good as this right now...
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+0 for humor
+2 for picture
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ooops:
Previous:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55041 - It's NOT Cocaine... It's Flour! - CBI (6)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44226 - The Penis Sock Puppet - CBI (5)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44167 - Heil Penis - CBI (4)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43887 - Penis Pulling - CBI (3)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40871 - Nair Fight - CBI (2)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40641 - Vodka 'Slip N Slide' - CBI (1)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
college hijinx!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-07 15:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for any pic on your knees... uhhh
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-07 14:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I drank a half a bottle of 151 once. Then I spontaneously combusted.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-01-07 14:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know what a giant boner is?