Forget Bases and Home Runs, I want First Downs and Touchdowns (933 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.72 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Milley> (View user info) at 2005-01-08 02:34:54 EST
I don't think I'm the first one to be confused by the bases system of explaining how far you've gone. The only thing that people seemed to agree on was that a home run meant you had sex, besides that first through third were always up for debate. My confusion hit a all time high when one of my friends was explaining what he had done with his girlfriend over the weekend. I believe his exact words were "I got safely to second but then got tagged out when I tried to steal third." I decided I had better things to do with my time then try to figure out what he meant, so I decided to come up with a new system. A system based on football (American for you Europeans out there). So here's my quick guide: (Kind of in order)
Bump and Run - The quick peck kiss
Completed Pass - More passionate kissing
Interception - Attempted a kiss but got denied
First Down - Hand job, fingering
Fumble - Various uses, example: can't unhinge the bra
Punt - Getting interrupted while doing anything
Field Goal - Oral Sex
Receiver - The person getting the pleasure
Loose Ball - Errrrr...
Home Field Advantage - Doing at your place
Fourth and Long - The bar's clearing out and your chances aren't looking good
Turnover - When the receiver suddenly becomes the giver
Two Point Conversion - Round two
Touchdown - Sex baby
Extra Point - The cuddling after the sex
If you got ideas post them because I know this list isn't complete.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-01-08 23:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Blitz = Rape
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2005-01-08 19:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
had potential......but failed
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-01-08 14:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was lame.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-08 14:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Football and women don't mix.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-08 14:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
um, fm. This isn't me post.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-01-08 13:11:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm afraid I have to rate this negatively because your system is more complicated.
In fact, my friends and I in high school developed an extensive guide to the rules of "Baseball", which have unfortunately since been lost.
One day, they shall be recovered...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-08 12:44:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
does John Madden have a place in this post? I don't know, but if so...he'd be like the Ron Jeremy of all men.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-01-08 12:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hail Mary - Shooting your load in a chick and praying to god she doesn't have your kid.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-01-08 10:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tight End - Anal
There, that's what your post was missing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-08 10:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OK. I have an idea.
Shut the fuck up.
Submitted by NSFW (user info) at 2005-01-08 06:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
two point conversion: pull out and cum on her face.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-01-08 05:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Rouge: Fucking a chick on her period.
GO CFL WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-08 05:25:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wouldn't the "home field advantage" be a disadvantage in this case? You really want some bird you are shagging in your house if you still refer to sex with loose innuendo?
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-01-08 05:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
good idea, poor execution.
come better prepared next time.
Submitted by fm (user info) at 2005-01-08 04:11:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, you're right. It is easier to focus on the statements that reference to things that you are sure of, such as your name. They're easier to slip on and off, like well worn lacy teddys. Don't worry about the main criticism... namely your post.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-08 03:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whoa, my name got used as an insult. i think?
Submitted by fm (user info) at 2005-01-08 03:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so in your confusion to the baseball reference you decided to make it simpler and switch it to a totally different sport altogether? How is this supposed to concentrate things down and put them into a common vernacular? Dark. Darker. Darko indeed.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-08 02:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus i think that would be the pileup
Submitted by Jesus_Loves_TwEE (user info) at 2005-01-08 02:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What about when you take a big dump on a girls chest? What footbal term is there for romance like that?
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-01-08 02:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Goal Post - An abortion 'performed' at 30 weeks with a coathanger and a bottle of nail polish remover