Jolly Olly Man’s Reason for Loving Small Children. ( And other ways to dismember your loved ones ) (487 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.4 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <DifferentTrains> (View user info) at 2005-01-08 20:03:00 EST
It was many years ago. It was so many years ago, that my mind tends to waver from the exact details. But I shall relate to you the story my grandfather related to me. And this is the story from which his grandfather related to him, and before him, his grandfather. And before him? Jesus. But this segment of my story is non-relevant. We shall continue.
It was a cool summer day, almost like any other. But there was something different about this summer day. There was something different, and it was very subtle. Something so subtle, that not even the retarded children down the street could detect it. Not that they were good at detecting anything, it's just the fact that I like retards, so I thought I would incorporate them into this story of love and satisfaction.
As the day progressed, the people began to notice this subtle change. They began to see that the air smelled different. The birds had stopped their chirping, and the crickets had stopped their... rubbing. Those nifty crickets were expecting something... but what?
It was then that the townsfolk sensed it. At roughly 12:32 that afternoon, the townsfolk sensed the incredible power. The ice cream man.
Mass hysteria began to take over the town. The people became frightened. What of their sno-cones? What of their choco-puff-sexy-licious-jelly-filled-ball-of-love? Would these delicious treats be sold out? And so it began.
A war of the nations began. The town began to break out into civil war. The children fought one another for whom would take home the savory treats. The adults beat one another for the rightful owner to the bowling alley. Things were not looking good.
While this was happening, a deaf boy was being severely raped by a big black man.
And this was what the ice cream man saw. He saw a world filled with hatred, and saw a future of destruction. He knew there could only be one solution to such a horrid problem, and so he executed this plan, for there was little time.
"Charizard, I choose you!" Said he. And so it happened. The warrior fire pokemon thing was released into the wild. He breathed fire, he masturbated profusely, there was nothing he COULDN'T do!
And so it happened this way. Charizard obliterated all that was in his way, so as to protect the rest of the world from the terrible sickness that plagued this land. In fact, Charizard breathed so much fire, that he burned down the buildings, he melted the McDonalds, and he decimated those poor, warring tribes of pure, and utter doom.
The ice cream man still lived though. He still flourished. His face was flushed, and his breathing heavy.
"It is done." Said he. And to this he quickly added: "But did you have to melt the ice cream truck as well?!"
What? Charizard is evolving?
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-09 15:09:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DifferentTrains (user info) at 2005-01-08 20:04:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit, sorry about the paragraph formation here, it wasn't supposed to turn out like that.
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that's happened to me 3 or 4 times. I would preview it and it would
look fine but when I posted it came out fucked up anyway.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-01-08 23:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the comments.
Submitted by DifferentTrains (user info) at 2005-01-08 21:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lemme say this once more, OK? I HAD THIS FUCKING THING PARAGRAPHED CORRECTLY, MMMKAY? IT GOT FUCKED UP. I KNOW ITS FUCKED UP. THANK YOU, FOR NOTICING!!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-08 20:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/16146
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-08 20:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
About as gay as the pokemon TV show. And Charazard doesn't evolve!
/gay
Submitted by DifferentTrains (user info) at 2005-01-08 20:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah i know... this fucking pisses me off though, because i fucking submitted it normally, without problem, and i dont wanna re-submit it now because it fucked up, so im sorry for those of you who dislike struggling.
testicles?
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-01-08 20:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Double space the paragraphs. We struggle a whole lot less.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-01-08 20:10:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Text block... I can't read that.
Submitted by DifferentTrains (user info) at 2005-01-08 20:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit, sorry about the paragraph formation here, it wasn't supposed to turn out like that.