I love performing bums (744 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Squijee <geoffrstone.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-08 22:38:33 EST
The university I attend is situated one street over from the busiest shopping street in my town. This not only means that I encounter lots of shoppers each day, but lots of street performers and beggars as well.
Normally, these homeless people ask for some change for a 'bus ticket' or 'lunch' or 'Jesus grilled cheese sandwich' or something similar...depending on my mood I sometimes pretend I have no money (although often I don't have to pretend as I am a poor person on the road to becoming one of them), sometimes I give them a little and sometimes I give them a bit more than a little but not quite a lot. As insensitive as it may sound, they really are quite annoying.
One day I was waiting for my bus, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a homeless man approaching. I wasn't in the mood, and looked away, hoping that if I couldn't see him, he would disappear. Unfortunately, he was more like those ghosts in Mario, whereby if you look away they approach faster, until they attack you and you have to get your pet dinosaur and your homosexual brother to save you.
When I once again turned around to look at this bum, I noticed something strange. Although he was absolutely filthy, with the greasiest hair, raggiest pants and scuffiest shoes, he was wearing a suit jacket. The suit jacket was also filthy, but it was a suit jacket all the same.
He spoke.
"Hey mate. My name's Bummy McBummykins (not his real name, but I can't remember what he said so it'll do). I'm in a bit of trouble here. You see, my friend has just escaped from Glenside (a well-known mental institution in my town) and I need money for a bus ticket to get him back."
Then, from around the corner, emerged his friend.
Firstly, he was topless. He had long shaggy hair and teeth missing. He also was cross-eyed. As he came around the corner, his arms started flailing around, and he started twirling. He was screaming random words like 'refrigerator' and 'Bolivia'. He was trying to look crazy.
I couldn't help but laugh.
I gave the man in the suit the change in my pocket. As they moved on to the next unsuspecting victim, the crazy one gave me a wink.
It warmed the cockles of my heart.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-09 13:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey. If they are willing to go those lengths you gotta gime them a little sumthin'
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-09 13:12:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I rarely give money to bums. I only do so when they are insanely clever with their money-getting process.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-01-09 09:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmm... cockles...
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-01-09 09:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bums Rock.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-09 07:24:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Give credit where credit is due.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-09 03:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Mario analogy.
Submitted by fm (user info) at 2005-01-09 03:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
just for 'Jesus grilled cheese sandwich'
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-01-09 01:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your University sounds like my former University. You don't happen to go to the University of Alberta do you?
Anyway, I love performing bums too, because I'm going to be one of them. Not much else you can do with a degree in clarinet performance except use it to patch the holes in your cardboard box.
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-01-09 01:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-01-08 23:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was curious, so I looked up sparechange.com
As it turns out, it's some emo screamo faggot band.
Just thought I should share...