Cuddling is for suckers! (936 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.9 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <fishingwithlacyP.at.AOL.COM> (View user info) at 2005-01-10 05:25:22 EST
I was with one of my girlfriends.She is a nurse.She also had a kid at 16,
but is 26 now. The night had gone great. It was one of those few time that
I performed like a true stud, a five to one ratio on the "climax Chart".
I had gone from famous sports figures...#1
to United States presidents+vice presidents...#2
to US states and their capitols...#3+4
to world countries before my brain stack dumped and we both finished...#5+#1.
Then the cuddling and "talk" started. Deep down I knew it was a trap, but I
was thinking...10-2?, mabye even 15-2! Maybe she would have my dick bronzed?
It was not to be.
The Conversation:
What do you think of my breasts? .......They are fine I say.
A little background is required here: She is a solid 8.......but
Now if you take the girl, put her in, say Nebraska, and have her look at Canada:
The left one "looks" north, well magnetic north anyway.
The right one, on a good day...well...Florida. And on a bad day...well...Florida
but below the Earths crust. OK, not too bad so far, but both look like those nests
those damn swallows build on the underside of overpasses. Complete the "nightmare"
with her nipples, that look like those "snakes you set on the ground and light on
the Fourth of July (post ignition} Got the visual? OK, back to the discussion.
Thats very nice of you to say but listen. I have a friend, who is a surgen, who
will give me a deep-discount(her words...I did'nt say anything) on the job.
He will take some skin from the back of my thighs and yadda-yadda.So what do you think?
(at this point I knew I was not going to "hit-it" any more that night) So I said
truthfully: I DON'T WANNA SUCH ON NO THIGH!!!
Well, at that point she raised up in the bed, and I got one of those; I'm looking for
a sharp object if you stay and fall asleep.
I was dressed and out the door in less than 3 minutes!
I guess the "take-away" of this is the following:
Men......handle your business and leave, if you don't, you may find yourself, one day,
in someones back yard, down on your hands and knees in the bushes, looking for the
the rest of your "shit"
Cuddling is for suckers!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-03-01 09:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-28 23:03:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
www.wumarkus.com/images/02211013.sfw
That entertained me for a half hour even though I sucked at it. Thanks.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-02-20 22:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-02-06 09:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-02-06 07:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
more like, handle your business and then make HER leave.
that's what i did tonight.
Submitted by ak_whitebread (user info) at 2005-02-06 07:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Very true indeed... but if her tits look like this, and she was your girlfriend... I would think you might have bailed out earlier. You said she was an 8, but with the way you described her breasts... she doesn't sound like an 8 to me. Those are what I would call... "missle titties", or something close.
I dig the story though
Submitted by ak_whitebread (user info) at 2005-02-06 07:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
check it out dude... you told me "Your Toast"... but really I think you meant "you're toast"... as in "you're gonna one up me". If your going to talk shit about what someone writes... well learn to use correct mother fucking english. If there is one thing I hate, it is people that can't fucking write correctly.
dumb ass
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-02-03 15:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
holy fuck, please read your shit before hitting 'hook me up'.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-02-03 15:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fine, here you go.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-10 19:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Lesson Learned.
This is a tough "room"
to work in.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-10 12:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2005-01-10 10:50:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
not totally incoherent, but close
I beg to differ...
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2005-01-10 10:50:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
not totally incoherent, but close
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-10 09:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your extra chromosome is showing
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-01-10 08:39:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Reading IS fun-der-mental!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-01-10 07:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
interesting
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-01-10 07:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Nah.
Although the line "I don't wanna suck on no thigh!" saves you from total annihilation.
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-01-10 07:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
SUCH, nice one
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-01-10 06:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha, i meant in, not un.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-10 06:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You need a hug.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-01-10 06:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ok...it took me about 2 minute to hash out such, but I had a good laugh on the "background info." made up for alot un my mind.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-10 06:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
For misspelling suck.
someone just shoot me
in the face please.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-10 05:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
wtf?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-10 05:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I think you blew your wad on the 3rd paragraph, and the rest was forced cuddling. You hypocrite.