The Joyriding Diaries 1 – First Offence (516 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Auron (View user info) at 2005-01-11 10:44:40 EST
The Joyriding Diaries 1 - First Offence
Please note that I do not in any way shape or form, condone taking another persons automobile without consent while intoxicated or not intoxicated. Joyriding is dangerous and kills.
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"Dan, you up for this thing tonight?" Shorty spluttered through a mouthful of warm cornflakes.
"Definitely" I replied, knowing that he was referring to the night of heavy drinking we had planned.
Shorty was the twin brother I never had. We had the same surname, and had known each other since as far back as I can remember. I had nicknamed him Shorty when we were about 8 years old, as he has always been shorter than most people, especially me. Even now I stand at about 6 foot 2, and he must be around 4"11 maybe 5.
"I have invited Matt, Lee and Stuart too" He announced to me as I was analysing his 20Gb of organised porn.
Matt and Lee are Shorty's two older brothers, Lee being the oldest at 29 at the time, who was sensible and well mannered but kept himself to himself. Matt being a few years younger and was a recovering Heroin addict with a wife and child. Excellent. Was always a laugh when the brothers got together.
"Sweet. Never met Stuart have I?"
"Nope"
"That's fuckin' sick man" I blurted out in mid laugh, as I was trying to get over the fact of why he had a very good quality 'Skull Fucking' video on his PC.
"Errr..... yeah I think my bro must have downloaded that." He said, knowing full well I knew he was lying. "Fancy skinning up?"
"Yeah mate" I needed to draw myself away from the silly amount of grot he had.
"Easy Now!" Stuart said in a Jamaican accent as he let himself in through the patio door with Matt and Lee in tow.
I introduced myself and we shook hands, I had a conversation with Lee about something to do with the goat porn that now ventured its way onto the screen with Stuart at the mouse. A few joints later and several cups of tea, we decided to head out on the town.
We went around town bar hopping until about 1 in the morning, when we decided to go to a club. Unfortunately, Shorty being short, with no identification, couldn't get into the club. Also, Lee was throwing up. So we walked to the taxi rank and put him and Lee in a taxi back to the house.
On the way back to the club we walked through a desolate car park. Stuart took it upon himself to kick over a moped that was innocently parked in the middle of a parking space. Not only did he kick it over, he decided to take off the petrol cap and torch the bike.
"Want one of these?" he said calmly, while offering a Benson to me and Matt.
Matt laughed and took one. So did I.
'Fair enough' I thought to myself as I watched the bike burn. I knew they were the rogues of their family, so I didn't really question Stuarts act of arson.
We got back to the club where we were greeted with a polite 'Not tonight lads' from the rather large dark skinned bouncer. Which was fair enough in my eyes, as Matt was now finding it rather hard to keep his balance. Unfortunately Stuart didn't see it that way as he decided to give a torrent of abuse as we walked off.
"Fuck it, Lest go back home fors a thpliff....." Matt managed to spill out of his mouth in a drunken stupor.
Stuart took up the lead and ventured into the multi-story car park. Me and Matt followed him up to the second floor.
"Where we off then?" I shouted to Stuart as he started scanning the various selection of cars in the car park.
"We are looking for our ride home" he said "Found it!"
He was indicating to an old 1.4 Rover Metro GTA.
"I dunno about that" I said, as I had never broken into a car before, let alone stealing one.
"I understand if you don't wanna come. Go grab a taxi if-" Stuart was cut off by Matt;
"Don't be a pussy"
I was in two minds. I could either go with the flow and Jump in the back, or go get a taxi home. While I was deciding, Stuart had busted the lock and starting hot-wiring the car.
"Alright I'm in"
While I was in that car with Stuart messing with wires under the steering wheel, I got this sudden build up of adrenalin. It's addictive. Like when you take your first ecstasy pill, the anxiety and build up of it all is such a good feeling. Doing something your not supposed to be doing.
When Stuart started the car the stereo kicked in with some old country and western tape playing.
"Turn that shit off, I'm trying to drive here!" Stuart obviously hated country and western.
"It wont eject, nothings working!" Matt was panicking, as it was actually quite loud and the volume didn't work.
After a few minutes of erratic driving to the sound of country and western, we encountered a zebra crossing with four large, drunken hooligans already in the road.
Stuart screeched to a stop to avoid hitting them, which seemed to cause much agitation among their group.
Now these large lads decided it was nice night to pick on us and stand in front of the car, not letting us pull away. What they didn't realise was that we were in a stolen vehicle and needed to get out of the town pretty sharpish. So Stuart floored it. I couldn't believe it; he didn't hesitate in the slightest. Two of the guys managed to jump out of the way, but the others got clipped by the car. I don't think that they would have been hurt, as it didn't floor them or anything so off we went with country and western blazing.
We got back to the estate where Shorty lived with no more incidents but the country and western drove us insane. The estate was a quiet little neighbourhood with a set of shops and a car park.
We drove up towards the car park where Stuart wanted to ram the car through a shop.
"We're going through Threshers front window!" He was quite excited about it.
"No way, you can let me out if your doing that" I really wasn't up for any ram raiding.
"Oh come on it will be a laugh" He said while putting his foot down.
"No way Stu, I'm on probation" Matt was on my side thank god.
"Fine" As he said that, he footed the clutch and stuck in first gear at 50 miles an hour.
When you do this to a poor little 1.4 Metro GTA, It feels like the car has just hit a brick wall. I flew forward to hit the front seat- 'CLUNK'
Thank god I remembered my seat belt.
We exited the car each lighting a piece of interior as we went.
I followed Stuart and Matt over to where they were ducking behind a small wall watching the car. It was against a big hedge, starting to flame away with country and western music in the background.
After a few minutes the music started to die and the car was really flaming, taking the hedge with it. It was really burning and people were coming out of their houses to see what all the commotion was about.
Time to leave. We ran back to Shorty's house and were greeted with a nice driveway full of puke.
Thanks Lee.
Time for a joint.
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Look out for The Joyriding Diaries 2 - Wipeout. Coming soon....
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-22 08:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please don't steal any more cars- having your car broken into sucks. I have owned 2 metros and they both lasted less than a month due to shitness.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-22 07:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Auron (user info) at 2005-03-22 07:49:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish you were dead.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-14 03:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good man... There really shouldn't be a joyriding part2 though because after the first time you should have stopped hanging round with them ass holes. Having your car broken into sucks. I can't imagine the stress of having it nicked.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-11 16:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Probably about +1 material.
But I used to own a Metro 1.4GTA ( the A was for almost).
So plus 2 for that and britishness.
-Dave
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-11 16:32:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-11 11:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh..
Shenanigans..?
Maybe....
IN THE POOPER!
..what?