Well, fuck.... What the hell am I supposed to do about THAT? (1848 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.29 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ashlee (View user info) at 2005-01-12 10:40:36 EST
As some of you may remember, I grew up without my father. He died when I was very young, and there was a lot about his life that I didn't find out until I was in my teens. After learning about the six years of that life spent in prison for homicide, of his involvement in various crimes, his drug habits, his reputation, and all the other things I found out about him, you'd think I would have been prepared for anything else there possibly was to learn about him, right?
My dad's sister and my mother had been friends since before my mom married my dad, and have remained so. My Aunt came to visit my mom for a week, and I went down last weekend so that I could see her before she left. Having not seen me in about five years, she laughed at my resemblance to her deceased brother. She told me she'd forgotten how much I looked like my dad. We talked about him a bit, and that day I learned something about him that shocked me in a way that the things I learned a few years ago couldn't hold a candle to.
Apparently, before he met my mom, my dad had a son with another woman.
Now, I knew he had been married before, and I knew that his ex-wife had four sons, none of them his. I didn't ask my Aunt anything about him. I couldn't. I didn't want to know. I was so floored with the idea that I had a half-brother that I simply couldn't process any more information right then.
So now, I'm at a loss as to just what to do. I could ignore it, pretend I never heard it, move on with my life as if this half-brother doesn't even exist. I mean, I knew nothing about him last Friday morning, and now I know only that he is out there. I don't know his name, his age, anything. He's little more to me than a bit of 20 year old gossip I heard from my Aunt.
But another part of me wants to search for him, find him, meet him. I never had any siblings, and I always wondered what it would be like to have an older brother. I know that it's unlikely that we would automatically feel that sibling closeness, seeing as how neither of us knew the other existed for most of our lives, but I wonder if we'd be able to form a bond. We're related, after all, and I hear that's important.
The only thing is, I've no idea how to go about looking for him. I don't know where to look, what resources to use. All I have is that he's older than me, and that my dad's name MIGHT be on his birth certificate. He was probably born in Indiana or Illinois, but I'm not even sure of that much. My Aunt, or even my mom, might have more information, but I'm... I don't know, afraid, maybe? Afraid to ask them. Afraid of what I might find out, should I find him. Afraid that I might not be ABLE to find him. Afraid he might not have any interest in meeting me. So many things to worry about... What if it's not worth it?
Have any of you been through anything similar? If so, did you find your lost relative? How did you do it? What was it like to meet them? If not, what would you do if you were faced with something like this?
User Reviews
Submitted by DerivableZero (user info) at 2005-04-14 02:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't offer any advice. I have no idea what to say... but I hope that things work out. And if this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, or the hardest decision you've ever had to make--remember to be thankful for it.
Good luck.
(truth commercials are over-rated)
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
When I was 8 or 9 I got sick of my friends saying I was a spoiled only child, so I made up a story about a half-sister (from my mom's first marriage) in college. A few months later, after I had forgotten about the whole thing, my Mom came home from the grocery store really pissed off. She had ran into one of my friends and his Mom while she was out and they asked how her daughter was doing. I just laughed and laughed and my parents couldn't understand why I would make something like that up.
I don't know how it relates, but if that situation came up now, I would probably ignore it. Although a friend of mine recently got a phone call from a half-sister he never knew (although he always knew he was adopted) and thinks she is great. They have a lot in common and said he is thankful to have a female friend like her at this point in his life.
I think the best advice is to do what you think would benefit you. If you do find him, and he reacts badly, there are probably other reasons behind it that you have no control over. Good luck.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 I've seen better
Scholongy:
"You, of all people, do not need any additional potential drama."
No, actually she thrives on drama. From what I've read about her it's what sustains her.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you
Submitted by emilypost (user info) at 2005-02-02 23:53:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sometimes it is best to just leave things the way they are. I have a very similar situation and have never looked for my brother. Then again that is what I think is the right decision for me, but it might not be the right one for you.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-01-21 16:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oooh, a retaliation rating. How cute is THAT?
Submitted by ACIDTRIP (user info) at 2005-01-21 15:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat me bitch.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-18 21:55:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sign up to be on a reality tv show and they'll put him on too for drama. That way even if it turns out he's an ass at least you got to be on tv.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-01-18 21:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you never know, but I think you should take the risk cause if you don't you'll always wonder what if.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-13 16:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no idea what to add to this.
Only you know your situtation. Only you know
whether finding him night be harmful or beneficial.
Good luck in whichever you choose.
and if you need a laugh, someone is writing aobut my imaginary
nuts on the uberboard and no one knows who it is.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-13 16:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Have any of you been through anything similar? If so, did you find your lost relative? How did you do it? What was it like to meet them? If not, what would you do if you were faced with something like this?"
I have three brothers and I always wondered what it would be like to have a sister. Turns out that I had one. A half-sister. I learnt that when I was 18, I was shocked. My mom had finally decided she wanted to know her daughter. She paid the fee required by the government to track her back. I was even more shock to know who she was...
http://www.babeagency.com/Eve_Salvail/
She's a relativaly famous model. You probably won't believe me, I don't care, that's not really the point. When she came to visit us, I bailed. I went to college that day even though I had nothing to do there. I didn't want to meet a sister I never had for 18 years then think about it all the time.
I only talked to her once on the phone. The celibrity status combined with the voice of a half-sister I had never met made me stuttered. She tried to make the conversation a bit but I hastily hung up. Yes, I'm a coward.
At first, like you, I thought a lot about it but it went away in time.
It's good for name-dropping though =P
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-01-13 15:59:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well THANKS loki. Like I didn't have enough problems worrying that I might end up unknowingly dating this guy...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-12 17:43:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What if your brother turns out to be Habeeb.
Submitted by Aphrodite (user info) at 2005-01-12 14:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that if it was me, I would want to meet him. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-12 13:11:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Personally, I have a whole branch of my family I wish I could un-meet (Arkansas neo-conservative bible-thumping trailer trash, every one of 'em), but if you feel a need to find out, you have to go for it. You should be prepared for the possibility that he is a truly fucked-up person, though, and meet him on a neutral court so you can run away an never be found if necessary.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-01-12 12:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've been told by my father, who is still alive but we don't speak to eachother anymore, that I have possibly more than one half-sister/brother out there somewhere. Personally I have no desire to meet these people as the only thing we have in common is a shitty father. But, everybody has a different sense of what it means to be related. I live more by the fact that you can't choose your family and you don't have to like them.
What if this half-brother doesn't know his father is your father and was raised with the stepdad being his father. Do you think he would want to know that that guy wasn't his real dad? You might totally fuck up his world by coming out with this information.
Then again, what if by some weird twist of fate you ended up dating your half-brother without even knowing. . .ewwww. That thought scares me.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-12 11:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If it were me, I'd want to meet him. But then again, I've always wanted an older brother so I had to take on Q who is actually younger than I am so I could pretend.
my life makes no sense
Anyway, it can't hurt to get some info just to see who and where he is. Hopefully, he didn't turn out like your father.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-12 11:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"she'd forgotten how much I looked like my dad"
Ha! She said you look like a dude.
In all seriousness, I think you have nothing to lose by looking for the fellow. Ask your aunt and/or your mother, and be sure they know how and why it is important to you.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not sure that having similar DNA means anything outside of the context of growing up together. For all intents and purposes, this guy is just some other guy, just like any other one on the street, except that his eyes might be the same color as yours or whatever.
Don't put too much emphasis on DNA.
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
He probably has the same genetic criminal traits as your dad. So stay away.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:48:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel sorry for only children.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd start with the Aunt, she should be able to give you a couple names to try.
I'd pursue meeting him too, it's better to try than to never know.
Good Luck
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a friend who went through something similar, but I forget how he tracked the person down...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have "a friend" in a similar situation. My "friend" just sort of dismissed the information because it meant nothing for 17 years, so why should it suddenly become an issue?
Then again, you may need a kindey someday.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:43:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There's only one thing to do.
DANCE.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you might be my sister. wanna have sex?
seriously though, i grew up in a very similar situation, only I have NO intention in finding any of these relatives as I am better off without them.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-12 10:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would forget I ever even HEARD this "rumor" and carry on with my own life because based on what you've written in here previously, I think you have your hands full managing that.
You, of all people, do not need any additional potential drama.