Being a Woman Kicks Ass – A Man’s Story (1261 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.93 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PMJ <potatomanjack79.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-13 12:14:18 EST
Hello uber boys and girls. I've come before you today to tell you all something that I've discovered I the past couple of days. It kicks serious ass to be a woman.
Let me explain myself, as I'm sure you're wondering exactly what I mean.
I'm a guy. I've been a guy since I was born, and will continue to be a guy until I die, unless there's some way that I could woo Brad Pitt should I become a woman - fuck is he ever dreamy! But I digress.
I'm a member of the male species, and in true male fashion, I've always thought that it kicks ass to be a guy for various reasons. I'll give you a few of the big ones.
1. We can pee anywhere without trouble.
2. We don't bleed every month.
3. We don't give birth.
4. The penis is the coolest thing in the universe.
5. We don't have to sit in a chair every few months, spread our legs, and have a strange dude play with our ugly bits.
Now, I'm not saying I ever thought that men were better than women. I just happened to think that the bonuses we got kicked some serious ass, and made life quite nice. In fact, although boobies are a HUGE plus, I still felt that the bonuses that the male gender received (especially the penis related ones) were just more suited to my lifestyle than would the bonuses that women receive.
Well, at least that's how I used to think up until this week.
You see, for whatever reason I didn't sleep very well on Sunday night, and so come Monday, I was pretty tired and grumpy, and really not in a very social mood. I didn't let that effect me though, and my morning routine went as planned, completed by a walk to work together with my GF.
That day, work proceeded to suck all hell, and reduced my already low mood to one comparable to a drunk living in the gutter who just found out they stopped making Boone's Farm. So, by the time I arrived home, I really wasn't in the mood to do anything but watch a little TV, eat dinner and go to bed.
I have to say, that I'm very good about not redirecting my anger at those who are undeserving, and so I was not about to take out any aggression on my innocent gal. However, what I was willing to do was be somewhat quiet and really not engage in much conversation besides explaining that I was tired.
Well, come that night, and my GF realizing that something was bothering me, but her only getting short responses such as "Maybe" "Yes" and "Nah", she finally asked me what the matter was, and of course I responded with "I'm just tired".
Soon enough after that I went to bed separately, with just a simple goodnight.
I'm sure by this point, you're all saying to yourself "So what, that sounds like any normal bad day." However, the next day I had to go to work early, and then was out of the office all day, only to return home late again and somewhat tired. The night proceeded much as the one before, with me going to bed early, and responses of tiredness.
Now, after keeping you waiting so long, I'll get to the actual point, and fun part of this story. The next day, I come home after an average day, to find my GF already in the middle of cooking a large and fancy dinner. Then after eating, we move to the couch to play video games together, followed by a move to the bedroom, and some adult situations.
Afterwards, while lying in bed, I ask her what the big treat was all about, and she proceeds to tell me that she just wanted to make up. Not being quite sure what she meant, I questioned her further, and found out that she thought I had been mad at her the past few days and even gave a reason for why she thought I was mad, together with an apology.
That's when it hit me.
Men out there, how many times have you asked your gal when she seems upset "What's wrong" and get the answer "Nothing", and then known for a fact that something is absolutely wrong, and you had better get your brain cells in gear to figure it out?
Personally, if I had a nickel for every time it had happened to me, I'd be able to finish that life sized replica of the Megatron I'm making out of nickels.
I had used a classic female technique of 'Nothing's wrong' without even knowing it, and boy had it paid off in spades.
Now, I'm not one to play games, and so I won't be using this technique again, unless by accident, by what I have learned is that being a woman and thus being entitled to this type of power kicks more ass than a no armed man at a low hanging donkey shaped piñata party.
So my friends of the male gender, the next time you're peeing on the wall outside of the pub you were just thrown out of, and thinking how awesome it is, think about how much more awesome it would be to be getting your Johnson another term in the oval office after a three course meal, just for having kept your mouth shut for a day.
User Reviews
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-12 07:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was quite enjoyable.
please accept my appology for my ensuing link whore, but i wrote a post on a very similar topic, albeit not quite as good.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50276 - i wish i were a woman.
women can't get their penii stuck in the zipper
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-12 07:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, Potatoman Jack. Thine wisdom is plentiful.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-14 08:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-01-13 19:27:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
since when do americans say pub?
"The penis is the coolest thing in the universe"
say what? retract that statement immeadiately
--------
Who said I was American?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-13 19:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give this a try although, after being with the same broad for 25 years...instead of wondering "what's wrong", she'll probably just be thankful for the peace and quiet.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-01-13 19:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
since when do americans say pub?
"The penis is the coolest thing in the universe"
say what? retract that statement immeadiately
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-13 16:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's always greener on the other side. Trust me, the head games aren't worth the trouble.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-01-13 15:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That really does happen! Man alive it's really weird to be in that position, but you gotta keep a straight face while shoving that steak down your throat. Don't want to piss off the one whos 'making up'. HA!
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-01-13 15:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahhaha
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-01-13 15:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO!
Submitted by wasabi (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Personally, if I had a nickel for every time it had happened to me, I'd be able to finish that life sized replica of the Megatron I'm making out of nickels."
hell yeah
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:21:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
where's the battle for Uber posts?
----
I'm trying. It's just been very busy at work and haven't had time to write much at all. Hopefully there will be a piece up tomorrow.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
where's the battle for Uber posts?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God dammit, I was going to +2 this, but my friend was reading it under my account. So, +2.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See, this is why I'm glad I'm g...
Wait... Um... I'm n... You see what I MEANT was...
Not that there's anythign WRONG with that...
Aw shit...
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm playing with myself right now as a tribute to you.
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Golden, preach on brotha'
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4. The penis is the coolest thing in the universe.
Yes. Yes you're right!!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF!! They don't make Boone's Farm anymore?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Let's kill this guy girls, he knows our secret.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you were a woman, too.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:32:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did I say you could write this man? <cracks whip> Get back to Battle for Uber now and go to my dentist appointment at 3:30. To hell if they think they can take my wisdom teeth and turn me into a dumbass.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:23:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-01-13 12:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually, I always kept digging to find a reason, but that's just because I'm paranoid about whether or not I'm being an asshole. I understand what you're getting at though.
Personally, I'd be a woman for the orgasms...
...if I didn't have to bleed or give birth.
Men = teh r0x cuz we dont blead!