Karaoke and My Never-Miss Style Get Me in Trouble (1061 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (View user info) at 2005-01-13 13:04:17 EST
Sequel to http://www.ubersite.com/m/46492
After I collected my thoughts, wits, and my juice box, I doubled back to my apartment to change my pants, and get back on the prowl (which of course could only really be accomplished with a back-to-back Hungry Like The Wolf). I changed out of my Star Trek IV Spock robe and into my outfit from the Speedwagon tour. I have it on good authority that this would make chicks stick to me like so many cats, carefully prepared with contact cement, let dry until tacky, then affixed to the ceiling, also carefully prepared and allowed to dry until tacky.
I hit the streets with one bar in mind, JP's Bar and Grill; the only bar in town to have karaoke four out of the six nights that it was open. JP's was really more of a saloon than anything else. In fact, the "grill" part is only on account of the old cashew-vending-machine that's next to the Big Buckhunter II game.
I rounded the corner and heard the unmistakable opening chords to Kenny Loggins' classic "Meet Me Halfway," the theme song of the 1987 action-drama Over the Top. That could only mean one thing: Mexican Dave was singing tonight. It's interesting, but not necessary to know that Mexican Dave is neither Mexican, nor named Dave.
R2D2 was bouncing that night, and our dap was as tight as ever.
"Yo R, you remember that time in TJ with those two..."
"Beep bleep"
"Yeah man!"
"Bleep beeep!"
"I still can't believe they were..."
"Bloooop honk"
The little bastard zapped me with his Jawa prod and I winked back at him. He knows what's up.
I acquired my target immediately upon entering the bar (I like to use pseudo-military talk from time to time), turned to the bartender and ordered an El Camino, which is a shot of well tequila dropped into a Corona. She was looking at me with alluring eyes that were half shut, similar to her female friend that she leaned upon.
"Target rich environment, eh?" I said to the bartender. He shook his head in what I took to be disagreement.
I felt my mojo returning as I gave the song number to the host. Mexican Dave ended his song with a trademark air guitar solo, and I stepped up to the mic.
I turned my back to the crowd, and raised my jean jacket collar as the music started.
Now I'm not like this, I'm really kind of shy
But I get this feeling whenever you walk by
I don't wanna down you, I wanna make you high
If you you could see your way to me, come on and let me try.
"Cover me, Goose," I said to Dave as I flipped him my sunglasses.
"Whatever," and then he mumbled something else.
Let me take you home tonight
Mamma now it's alright
Let me take you home tonight
I'll show you sweet delight.
Luckily, over the years I had developed a flawless technique that allowed me to sing three-part harmonies alone. The ladies were butter in my hands, about to be spread on the toast of my bed.
You must understand this, I've watched you for so long
That I feel I've known you, I know it can't be wrong
If we just get together, I want to make you see
I'm dreaming of your sweet love tonight, so mamma let it be
I was singing directly to them at this point. I knew I had it in the bag, and I was ready for the tempo change. I dropped to my knees and wailed out the remainder of the song.
Let me take you home tonight
Mamma now it's alright
Let me take you home tonight
I'll show you sweet delight
I wanna show you sweet delight, show ya sweet delight
Pretty mamma wanna show ya sweet delight
I walked over to where she was sitting, collect the requisite number of high-fives, did a spin, gave her the guns and asked, "So, pretty mamma, can I show you sweet delight?"
She stuffed the butt of her Lucky Strike into the bottle she was drinking from and said in a deep, gravelly voice, "Sing me some Lou Reed, and we'll see where this goes..."
Oh shit.
Not again.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-13 15:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well played my friend.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me at "juice box."
seriously.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-13 14:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ho
ly
Fuck
PF2! PF2!!!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-01-13 13:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2005-01-13 13:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For BOSTON!
The band, not the city.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-13 13:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Second Lou Reed reference of the day...Lou is the man. Or, the man in drag. Whatever.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-01-13 13:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ahhhhh!!!
They don't call you AwesomeJohnson for nothing!
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-01-13 13:17:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Un-Buckin-Favlievable
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-13 13:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAAAAAAA wow, now that's what I call a good story! Bravo sir!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-13 13:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOOO DOGGIES