Money In the Bank. (Wanna look at some pictures of my kid? Sure you do.) (1788 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.89 on 59 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Teephphah (View user info) at 2005-01-14 09:42:59 EST
I am probably the world's least photogenic person. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if there is a camera pointed at me, even if I'm unaware of it, I will find a way to screw up the picture.
I'll blink one or both of my eyes, I'll strike some sort of outlandish pose that makes me look retarded, or I'll vomit as soon as the flash goes off. It could be anything really, you never know what I'll do to fuck up the picture, buy you can bet your sweet bippy that I WILL fuck up the picture.
I'm not complaining though, it is my cross and I have to bear it. That's life. The only thing that really makes me sad about the whole thing is that my disability appears to have a genetic component.
Without knowing it, I have unwittingly passed this trait on to my only child. And for that, he has my pity.
And pity is all well and good, but that doesn't mean that I can't have some fun at his expense. You know damned well that it is a time-honored tradition for parents everywhere to hoard unflattering pictures of their children for later revelation to high school girlfriends or boyfriends.
Yeah, I'm going to do that too. But I'm going to give him the chance I never had. I'm going to give him the chance to buy the pictures off me before they go to press for his significant other.
In the meantime though, here's just the tip of the iceberg of what the poor kid is in for.
I do so love digital cameras. They have ensured that my retirement will be wonderful.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This whole post was hilarious, but the second picture gave me enough laugh ammo to last me the entire post. Genius.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-20 07:56:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Genius.
That is all.
-Dave
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-20 07:17:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best post I have ever seen.
Really, I laughed my fucking arse off.
In fact (I have only ever done thsi for shandy's four year old penis post before) I am e-mailling bart. He HAS to see this for b@w.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-01-18 09:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
do you spend alot of time playing with him when you are drunk and stoned????
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-15 19:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaw @ teh cute baybe
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-01-15 05:14:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+93427843 for saying your kid enjoys the Sybian machine, that's fuking richeous. That and my ex's kid was forced to wear that exact same lion costume. Even at the age of 3 she knew her life was fucked.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-15 01:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy - "horseshit?" "HORSESHIT?!" Is that the best you can do? I swear to God, man, it's like you aren't evcn trying anymore.
By the way, when you say things like "I've resisted looking at this all day," it makes it sound like Uber has finally taken over your life. Just FYI.
Domenad - Thanks, loser. Exploiting my first-born STILL wouldn't have beaten you, and what are you? Second place? What's that, other than the FIRST LOSER? Answer: nothing. Not shit.
I suppose I should go kill him in his sleep to save him the life of assured mediocrity that he will have. . . OR I'll just pass out soon, reading Dostoyevsky's "The Idiot," (Thanks Wookie, it rules so far).
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-01-14 23:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is an absolute riot. You should have put these in UM.
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2005-01-14 23:39:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your kid's adorable.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-14 23:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-14 19:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I too share that tragicly non-photogenic ability. I prefer to think of it as insurance, should I ever get caught on film doing something illegal. That way, I can claim that I'm retarded, offer up the photos as evidence, and be aquitted immediately. No jury would convict me! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Err, I mean, cute kid.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-14 18:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I resisted this post as long as I could.
Good kid.
Horseshit dad.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-01-14 15:01:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"child gets shit ruined"
THAT made me burst out laughing. This was fucking funny.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-14 14:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the record, I read all those captions with Stewie's voice in my head. The drunken one is, by far, the best.
Oh, and kid-in-a-drawer
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2005-01-14 14:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
oh my that was hilarious.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-01-14 14:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-01-14 14:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaaaawww.
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-01-14 14:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-14 14:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww!
What a little cutie.
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-14 12:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As father of a two-year-old, I was laughing my ass off. Especially the Thomas the Tank Engine crack.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-01-14 12:32:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-14 12:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GO 40,000 hits WOOOO!!!!!
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2005-01-14 12:16:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's a cute boy, will grow to be a ladie's man... and a father-hater
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-14 12:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-14 12:11:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is 100% pure awesome.
Submitted by Obi-wan (user info) at 2005-01-14 12:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The frog thing was the funniest
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-14 11:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's one devilsh grin your kid has.
Is he a red head?
Trouble.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-14 11:33:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The child services line made me snort laughing...
Damn you for reminding me of the 12 years I was laid out on coke...
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-14 11:02:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aww
Submitted by Pharathyse (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw what a cutie..
no not you Teeph your kid! :P
He looks about the same age as my son. :o)
Submitted by Flash (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kids = +2
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awww! Wittwe Bittwe Wion suit! who's a wittwe bitty phoeweer?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
satchel stole my juice
If nothing else, this series of pictures clears up any who's you daddy questions.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your kid is a frog
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're going to turn that kid into a furry if you're not careful.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats right... give your kids hell like you got... you turned out alright didn't you.
He he, can't wait to have a kid to rip on.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maddox did it once.
NSFW, though.
http://maddox.xmission.lou7.jpg
OR
http://www.lemonparty.org
Enjoy.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the stoner pic is great. fiunny stuff.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's a k-LEMONPARTY?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute kid, that's kinda what I look like when I take a dump too.
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:06:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
soley in a lion suit MEEEOOWW
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Godchicken - "Surf Control" thinks that link is sexualy explicit. But if the pic you were thinking of is one similar to that e-mail forward "Why Men Shouldn't Babysit" showing a kid climbing into a refrigerator . . . I have one just like it.
Also, am I the only one who doesn't know what a k-LEMONPARTY is?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I learned it from you....
ahahahahahah
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:04:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahah class! lightsaber and rabbit slippers. poor lad, stop dressing him up as animals.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-01-14 10:00:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wasn't your kid one of the ones in that heineken beer photo? http://www.ugurdemir.de/babysit.jpg
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cute. haha...he's got a bruise
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:54:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Because I thought it was going to be a joke, like, here is a picture of my k-LEMONPARTY
***
hahahahaha
Jesus, I'm laughing like a retard today.
3 more hours till my next class.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Because I thought it was going to be a joke, like, here is a picture of my k-LEMONPARTY
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:54:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is one hell of a bruise your boy's got in that picture.
Corner of the coffee table?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant kid, not kids.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could give you a +10000000000000000.
Your kids are beautiful and you're hilarious.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is like all kinds of awesome.
Your boy is fantastic!!!
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:51:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He looks adorable in the lion suit. May I ask where you purchased said garment, and if they're available in adult size?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:50:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh, then why exactly did you click the link?
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
People's kids are like people's dreams, nobody wants to hear about either of them.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
+2+2+2
I would get so pissed off at my wife when she would put The Boy in one of those "cute" costumes. The absolute worst was the doggy-rain-coat. I still have that hidden in a box in the attic to save the kid from the future humiliation.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Get hold of Shandy. he knows a guy who'll pay you 10 grand to jerk off over your kid. (http://www.ubersite.com/m/56725) Then he'll be REALLY fucked up in future photies. He might have another bump on his head, too.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-14 09:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's adorable, just like dad.