The Rambling Of A Drunkard--Incohesion (707 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.4 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (View user info) at 2005-01-16 12:15:50 EST
I projectile vomited across my room last night. Drunk, walls surrounded me, with the gray-white-gray-white color scheme, blue floor, wooden bureau and edging, what happens when we die? I gots a hangover, my head aches, and I was steam cleaning those blue floors and washing my sheets that had orange vomit, mixed with streaks of pasta, taco bell, who knows what else? Ahh yes, orange juice from my screwdriver and stuffed pepper remnants--who else, what else? BUT PEOPLE WERE THE SAME. I'm at church now, listening to the pastor, strong voice, and grabbing hip lines that he spews from his mouth. I like church, being sober for an hour, doing some writing and recapping my--what--yes, recapping my self-destruction and tapping my black shoes to some rhythm, that I'm trying to fit into my writing. There is a woman in front of me, I don't know her name, but she's rocking her baby to my feet--foot--that tap and what a rhythm!! I'm the high hat and she's that providing the bass to my imaginary orchestrated beat-beat-beat-beat-bass drum--repeat!! But any ways, she's got on that gray-white-gray-white pattern on her shirt with some black, a checkered pattern, and i got my black shoes and jacket, reminds me of my projectile-vomited room and my imaginary, no actually real now! beat, and the colors are fillers to the rhythm.
I got two burn holes on my right hand, one on the inside of the middle finger, the other, how stupid! but I'll get to that-- on the pointer by the primary and secondary--just noticed that one now--joints, weehee!!, the baby gots a rattle that is like keeping my rhythm, the high hat!! Any ways, I was trying to burn an American flag, I don't know why, I love America, took it off the wall, took a lighter to it--ouch that hurts, melting plastic and sobered me up real quick, what am I doing?? So I took off my jacket, same one I'm wearing now, and wore that thing tight around my neck despite jeers and what-is-he-doing?? I don't care, told them I was a dumbass--1.7 GPA--that's a lie of course, but I'm done trying to impress scenester whores, and guys, well I've never tried to impress those boys!!
I've always felt like the outsider type, the problem is I drink to die, and if ya don't join me, and not many do, then inadvertently you're against me, and as I plummet downward into-that-spiral and I slur and yell and curse!! Make phone calls and regret them the neexxtt day-wow this pastor is good-that strong voice and elevated stance on that big wooden pulpit--blue shirt, blue tie, black suit--and then the prayer, closure, a wrap up to the text, that baby is gone with my rattle dammit, plus I don't feel much like writing during prayer, its rude despite my own personal beliefs.
User Reviews
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2005-01-16 15:56:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't really find a whole lot of humor in this, but because it was different from some of the REAL crap I've seen lately, I'm giving it a neutral rating.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-01-16 15:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LadyPlural-- I'll check him out, I glanced at his last post, and WOW. I will read his stuff when I have spare time tonight. I'm learning, still young and in college, and improving every day, I think so anyways. Thanks.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-16 15:42:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-01-16 12:18:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrible Format, but very good. Probably better then you realize, honestly. Nice and short too, which is what I think was part of the point.
If you hven't read any of his stuff, the current master of what this story seemed to be trying to do has a username of Issac Bickerstaff. User info is at http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=14094
He kicks so much ass it's hard to fathom. This wasn't as horrid as it looked. Go forth and learn, young one, and come back when you have honed your skills.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-01-16 15:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ACIDTRIP (user info) at 2005-01-16 15:15:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
Pissed me off trying to read it, but not bad.
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Yah I'm trying hard to evolve a stream of conciousness type writing, bear with me. Think something like Big Sur(Kerouac) and you got an idea. The difference is they use jazz for inspiration and I'm thinking I should stay with our current times and use hip/hop as a way to build a beat into literature. Hip hop by the way, not crappy rap or club music, think Talib Kwali, Mos Def, Kanye West, and you have an IDEA of what I'm trying to do. I just need feedback and critiques, so I can build off that.
Submitted by ACIDTRIP (user info) at 2005-01-16 15:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pissed me off trying to read it, but not bad.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-01-16 15:04:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Arafat.of.the.land (user info) at 2005-01-16 13:19:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think you're drunk - just slightly dyslexic.
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Hehe, its written purposely like this moron.
Submitted by Arafat.of.the.land (user info) at 2005-01-16 13:19:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think you're drunk - just slightly dyslexic.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-01-16 12:18:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrible Format, but very good. Probably better then you realize, honestly. Nice and short too, which is what I think was part of the point.