Kindergarten: check. On to first grade. (919 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.37 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Methodius (View user info) at 2005-01-16 16:28:02 EST
(This is sort of a sequel to my very first rememberance post, titled "When having lights on your shoes was enough to make you God...")
The year of the no-numbered grade was over. I looked at my report card to see if I was going to 1st grade. Yes! I made it! I was moving on up... or maybe that was a sitcom family, I don't know. At the time, I was surprised I was moving on. But now that I look back on it, how can you get held back in Kindergarten, a grade that lacks a number nor any significance to your life even in the slightest bit? All you need to do is know how to make a chain by looping construction paper and... well, I think you get the gist of this.
I was sort of excited that week before school started again, but at the same time, I fucking hated it. I hated school. Every boy that wasn't a little queer did. If you're a guy and you liked school around this time, then you can go to hell. Fag.
Anyways, it was a new year, a new teacher, and new classmates. There was one guy that stood out, and we became friends immediately. We were such good friends that we did nothing without each other, aside from wiping each others' asses. Shit yeah, that's disgusting.
However, things became harder for me to go on in 1st grade. I began to realize that William, the "friend," was keeping my down. Every time I drew a picture for the teacher, which was necessary if you wanted free candy, he always drew one much better and got more candy than me. Damnit, I had to think of something to get one over on him. So I drew a picture that looked like his, but added a sun in the corner of the paper. HA! He didn't have a damn sun, I had him now. But to my surprise, the teacher caught me in the action.
The Teacher: "Oh! Joshua! Why did you copy William's paper?"
Me: *walks off kicking toys across the room, saying "hell" under my breath, since it was the only "swear word" I knew at the time. Shit, how times have changed*
So, I had to get drastic. I sat down at my desk. I put my head down. I then proceeded to fake-cry. This got everyone's attention. William wasn't the center of attention. I was happy. Everyone surrounded me, including William, and asked me what was wrong. Oh shit. They're going to expose me. I had to think of something to say so that they didn't know I was faking it.
Me: "It's just not fair!"
Teacher: "What isn't?"
Me: "It.. it just isn't fair!"
The teacher and students walked off, thinking I'm some sort of a psycho. Damn that William, he pulled another one over on me. However, when I looked up, to my surprise, William was still there. After all this time he had not suspected a thing, and he was there for me. He gave me his box of animal crackers to cheer me up. I had the tastiest food I knew of at that time. I was happy.
But then I realized who it was who gave it to me. So, I punched him in the balls and got sent to the principal's office. Fantastic.
Moral of this story?
Just because you hit the ball(s) doesn't mean you'll hit a homer.
Damn that William. Damn him to hell.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-16 22:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3 years ago.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-01-17 19:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can actually rate this one.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-16 21:20:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-01-16 19:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yes the days of youth and purity. nothing like kinder kids beating up on each other.
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2005-01-16 18:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
saying "hell" under my breath, since it was the only "swear word" I knew at the time.
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Really? I flipped off my friend's mom in kindergarten, and by the time I reached 1st grade I was calling one 5th grade girl in particular a "fucking bitch" on multiple occasions. She proceeded to kick me but other 5th graders told her to back off, saying "no, it's funny..". Those were the days... :)
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-01-16 18:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister was held back in kindergarten. I'm still not sure why, but I guess it was because she didn't develop the 'social skills' to go onto the next grade.
Whatever. I think that's the cruelest thing to do to a child.
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2005-01-16 18:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-01-16 16:36:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story, but would like more on the ending...possibly a future post?
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I'm planning on going up to where I am in life right now. There we bill more stories. I might do second grade tomorrow, or I might go back in time to pre-school where I had an absolutely hilarious moment in my life take place.
Submitted by Mister_Fahrenheit (user info) at 2005-01-16 16:53:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-01-16 16:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
LA lights one was better.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-01-16 16:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story, but would like more on the ending...possibly a future post?