Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic? (505 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.6 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by daveybwoy (View user info) at 2005-01-18 07:32:30 EST
Firstly, some background.
Im not a particulary religious chap myself yet i hail from a churchy family, meaning that religion has always been a part of my home life, whether i accepted it or not.
From as early as i can remember i was taken to church, sent to sunday school, packed off to "Have you met Jesus yet?" weekends, with the hope that i would indeed see the light.
As the years rolled on and my parents began to come to terms that thier son had chosen the material and physical side of life (money and masturbation), coupled with reports from the fore mentioned weekends, that i was all about the ladies rather than the Lord, there came a point when i was released from the weekly visit to church. (7 years ago) However this release has certain terms, well one term. Attendance is mandatory on the 25th of December.
Fast forward to xmas day 2004, 10.30. I find myself sitting 4 rows from the front, hungover, making pleasant conversation with all who surround me, and chuckling to the repeated comical comments made towards my parents, "I forgot you had another son". Yes thats right people im the black sheep, the spawn of satan, the prodical son purely because id rather spend my time in bed on a sunday morning, rather than participate in a "stand when told to, sing when told to, close your eyes when told to" routine. Anyway im digressing.
So the sermon begins, boredom follows,i hear the key word - "hell", mind duly wanders, (at this point id like to point out i studied physics at A-Level) formulate question in my head, Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic? resulting conclusion is made.........
First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."
Sermon ends, say my goodbyes and i return to my godless life for another year, feeling warm inside that ive proved there is a use for religion in todays society.
User Reviews
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-02-09 12:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're a cocksucker
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-01-18 13:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2005-01-18 10:00:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
If the moron was gonna go with the quote from the fat slut all along, then he should have deduced that hell was not cold in the first place. Cold is the absence of heat.
This rating is not because of your lack of credit to the author. It is because I hated it, and you felt you had to reproduce it. I'm all for using science in the name of fun, but the applications of the principles in the entry are the equivalent to a second grader who was held back. I have a sense of humor, but I'd punch the author in the face for trying to act smart and funny while bastardizing science so badly.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2005-01-18 10:00:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If the moron was gonna go with the quote from the fat slut all along, then he should have deduced that hell was not cold in the first place. Cold is the absence of heat.
This rating is not because of your lack of credit to the author. It is because I hated it, and you felt you had to reproduce it. I'm all for using science in the name of fun, but the applications of the principles in the entry are the equivalent to a second grader who was held back. I have a sense of humor, but I'd punch the author in the face for trying to act smart and funny while bastardizing science so badly.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-18 09:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Liked it. Stolen.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-18 09:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What makes people do this? -2 die
Submitted by UrfTheWog (user info) at 2005-01-18 09:20:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
pathetic plagerism
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-01-18 09:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 I have received better hand jobs from 18 year olds
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Alter?
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your head a splode!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:38:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What they said
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:26:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I saw this back in my college days, but as an email. Instead of a sermon, it was a bonus question on a final exam. I still say that they neglected a frictional allowance for the souls entering hell in their calculations...that is, unless hell has a heat exchanger out back or something.
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Pfft....copycat
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Crap.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:11:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:07:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
Saw the title, read the last line, it wasn't "Credit to...", knew it was stolen, -2 die.
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Saved me the trouble.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-18 08:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Saw the title, read the last line, it wasn't "Credit to...", knew it was stolen, -2 die.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-18 07:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Shame it's not yours, because I enjoyed it.
Submitted by bicklefragile (user info) at 2005-01-18 07:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nope, never heard this one before. ever.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-01-18 07:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm... looks like i'm behind on the chain mails... it's funny, but if it aint yours, that ain't funny man.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-01-18 07:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First half, iffy. Second bit, I had a good old fashioned chortle. the two possibles, nearly made me pee in my chair. Super.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-01-18 07:42:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HOLY JEEBUS THIS IS SO ORIGINAL MY FUCKING HEAD EXPLODED
Submitted by ssj4yamcha (user info) at 2005-01-18 07:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Only because I got this as an email chain back in 1997 (not exaggerating! I think it was the VERY first email chain I received when I opened my college account)
Thanks for being original, dick. -2 foshizzle.