Looks Like It's "Sex With My Professor For Good Grades" Time! (3686 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.77 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zod (View user info) at 2005-01-18 19:19:51 EST
So here I am, sitting in the library at my school. My professor decided that, since it's the first day back at class, she would let us out early...an hour early, to be exact. Unfortunately, I have yet another class after this at 7:40. That brings today's grand total to four classes. Tuesdays are gonna suck this semester.
Anyway, in my free time I thought I would regale you with a tale about my brand new professor. Apparently, she's around 22 years old, or atleast she looks and acts like it. In the 30 minutes I was just in class, she said the following words and phrases no less than 5 times each:
-"Like, oh my god!"
-"Duh"
-"Totally"
And answered three questions with, "Haha, you know it!"
While it's true that she's a refreshing change from the usual foreign, gibberish-speaking professors here, I find it somewhat unsettling that my English professor speaks like a 17 year old trailer park whore. I may be wrong, after all it is the first day. And she did look kinda cute in her skirt...
But nonetheless, I think that maybe a more professional attitude is called for. Don't get me wrong, I love a nice easy class. But if she grades my papers with the same mentality in which she speaks, then i'm fucked.
I'm not finding it hard to imagine getting a paper back with stars, squiggles, and ponies sketched all over it...and then getting to the bottom of the page and finding my F. "Um, you like totally didn't add enough images and stuff. And definitely not enough princesses. P.S. - Your bulge is totally hot, gimme a call!"
According to the syllabus, we're reading some story called, "Clarissa", which according to my teacher is ridiculously hard material. Why she has chosen to teach it, I have no idea. She explained herself in class, but it was too broken up with giggles and Cabbage Patch Doll references for me to understand. I think I remember hearing something about it being, "like 1500 pages, and most professors were to me like, 'Woah, are you really gonna teach it to your kids?' and I was like, 'H-yeah!'"
I'm really not in the mood to read a massive novel and then have it explained to me using the words, "freakin sweetness".
The other book we're reading for class is "The Beach", that Leonardo DiCaprio movie from a few years back. The copy they gave me in the bookstore actually has his picture on the front cover. This just boggles my fucking mind.
If she comes into class on Thursday wearing Troll Doll earrings and a slap bracelet, I'm diving head first out of the 3rd story window right then and there.
User Reviews
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-01-19 11:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for slap bracelet
Submitted by drankallmywine (user info) at 2005-01-19 09:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
While this post certainly made me chuckle, I feel the need to second the earlier sentiment about The Beach. The book is absolutely incredible, filled with moral and societal issues that were not even touched upon in the book. I don't know if I'd say it was a great book to actually attempt to study on an academic level but it is certainly worth reading.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-01-19 09:21:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i back hot profs.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see a problem with this situation.
Hell, I got snothanging drunk with my HIGH SCHOOL English teacher...while I was still in high school.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
lol
Submitted by Babel (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks sweetie pie!
I am your prof-
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-19 07:41:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Beach by Neville Shute?? I read that when I was 11, no shit.
That is a COLLEGE book in the US?
Fuck me no wonder you are retards.
Present company excluded of course.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-19 07:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-01-19 03:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
errr I'm pretty sure Bart's got the lyrics right...
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2005-01-19 01:04:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for your post..
+1 for bnlfanmatt's comment.. it's like he stole the sarcasm right out of my mouth
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I will refrain from correcting Bart's Van Halen lyrics, but I will say that that's the worst rockand roll faux pas I have EVER encountered!
"Hot for Teacher"....
*hangs head in shame*
funny post...
...like totally!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making me take twenty minutes out of my evening by trying to pronounce, "H-yeah!"
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:02:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:44:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Not true, but funny just the same.
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Ok, this isn't 100% true, but about 90%. She really was immature and all, and she did say all those words. Just not as many times as I said. But everything else is the truth.
And no Val, YOU rock.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-18 23:30:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmpf. If I were the teacher I would need multiple orgasms to give you a passing grade.
What can I say? I'm tough and I don't play around.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-18 23:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:36:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, fuck her for that guy. He hasn't gotten laid in a while.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haha.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-01-18 23:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Beach just happens to be my favorite movie, and I just started reading the novel a few days ago.
+2 for The Beach and TrollDoll earrings.
you rock!
Submitted by hafguitarist6767 (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
only because the title really let me down man
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not true, but funny just the same.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-18 21:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-01-18 20:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know a girl who acts like a complete bimbo but when it comes to academia, she kicks my arse.
Your professor is probably the same. If so, you will learn she is a fucking genius with a wrapping of stupidity.
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-01-18 20:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just place random big words (4 syllables or more) into your essays and see if she gives you better marks because you sound smart even if she doesn't understand what any of the words mean.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-01-18 20:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had a cute 22 year old teacher. Shut your mouth and be happy.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2005-01-18 20:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the positive note about "the beach". Hopefully its a good read.
I also noticed that the general consensus is that I should ravage my professors young, supple body.......I shall try my best to not disappoint.
Oh, you also may have noticed that I'm back, instead of in class. That's because my 7:40 teacher decided to not even show up. Wow, we're off to a good start this semester...
Submitted by Kakashi-Sensei (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd hit it.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The beach is actually an amazing book, that was unfortunately made into a shitty movie, which is odd seeing its directed by Danny Boyle (Transpotting, 28 Days Later, amazing movies). It addresses major social and moral issues, akin to Lord Of The Flies but with grown-ups, I definately recommend it.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to pass along what I consider the wisest words ever to be spoken to me.
"TAP THAT SHIT NIGGER
SHE WANTS YOUR COCK
HARDCORE"
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lucky bastard.
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Throw it in er
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, fuck her for that guy. He hasn't gotten laid in a while.
Submitted by bnlfanmatt (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it, great.... GREAT.....
I'm a fool.
Submitted by bnlfanmatt (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:25:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
I here you brother, but I always enjoyed the young profs. more likely to cancel class. Had a writting prof that took us to the local brew pub for our last session...very cool
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Yeah, I can say that your "writting" professor was cool and did a gread job.
"Here" what I'm saying?
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, fuck her. For me.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:29:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:25:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
I here you brother, but I always enjoyed the young profs. more likely to cancel class. Had a writting prof that took us to the local brew pub for our last session...very cool
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Last semester, my young female professor actually invited the class up to her apartment in NYC. It was the drunkest I had been all semester. But sadly, that teacher actually seemed to have a brain in her head, unlike this one.
Her titties ain't bad tho!!
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Arn't most English teachers just people working on their Masters? Might be why she is so young (looking/acting).
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Be a man and rape her silly.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I here you brother, but I always enjoyed the young profs. more likely to cancel class. Had a writting prof that took us to the local brew pub for our last session...very cool
Submitted by IcyBlackHand (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by VodkaFace (user info) at 2005-01-18 19:23:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"freakin sweetness".
Sums this post up pretty well.