a truly awful piece of detritus- and beauty. (751 hits)
Category: Politics -> Election 2004Rating: 1 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaski (View user info) at 2005-01-18 22:11:47 EST
"I wish they'd had electric guitars in cotton fields back in the good old days. A whole lot of things would've been straightened out."
Jimi Hendrix
____________
Jormy was hunched over, the sun cooking his jet black flesh even darker. The glowing orb was nearly invisible in the heavens, floating in a shimmering nimbus of golden flame. No birds wheeled overhead, and no breeze lilted through the cotton's patchy white arms. It was hotter than the devil's beshitted asshole, thought Jormy.
Speaking of assholes... a wayward finger had crept it's way into Jormy's. It dug deep, seeking a clinging dingleberry of discomfort. There- the finger rubbed against the scarred cheek, loosening the clinger-on. Jormy sighed in relief. Slaves weren't allowed to wipe or shit (except in their pants) on his master's plantation. It had to do with fomenting a heady smell for the master to enjoy on his anal excursions, Jormy understood.
There was a shuffle and a loud voice behind him:
"BOYEE, DID AH CATCH YOU UNBEFOULIN' YO BERRY PATCH!?" bellowed the master. The master himself, in the field! It could only mean one thing- pre-brunch post-breakfast berry patch raiding time. Jormy gulped audibly.
"Nah suh, yuh see I was just..."
There was a defeaning whip crack as the master slung his elephantine cock out of it's thigh-holster.
"BOYEE, doan lie to me! I smelt it th' moment you spread them cheeks. Now bend over!"
Jormy cringed inside, even as his betrayer-anus gleefully distended itself. He bent down... and his eye caught a mysterious white glint.
"By god, could it be?" he thought. He peered closer, bending past his toes with amazing limberness. And it was- a totally mysterious, guitar-like object Jormy had never seen before. It was like a normal, un-electric guitar... but there was something else...
A whale breached the surface of Jormy's buttocks. He let out an unearthly howl- once again, his betraying body expressing ecstacy in the face of such agonizing discomfiture. And took the opportunity to examine the mystery before him. He reached out one quivering finger- and with a streak of brown, plucked one string.
TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!
The whale erupted out into the air for a moment in shock. Jormy reached down and picked up the electric guitar. He assumed the position... wheeled back his arm... and savagely crushed his master's face.
Jormy spent the next four years destroying slavery with his electric guitar by bashing and smashing hapless plantation owners. And thus, the era of psychadelic blues-rock was born, and slavery was quelled for twelve fortnights.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-20 17:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very interesting.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd really like to give this a +2...except that you're an asshole. So you'll have to settle for this.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-18 23:15:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a dream...
Submitted by AstheRuinfalls (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe.
Submitted by Mister_Fahrenheit (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-18 22:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think this scenario was martin luther kings dream