Uberia: Chapter XXIII Ascension (516 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Scratch <lordofthepost.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-19 00:17:59 EST
Ed had looked perplexed by Maddox's answer to the current state of disaster,
"What do you mean reboot?"
"Loki had unknowingly set a save point where time could be restored"
"You mean before the war?"
"No, I mean to the point right after the McGuddah artifact was used"
"Then that means Lord Bart, Queen Ashlee, all of them could be saved?"
"Most of them, those that died before the artifact was used will be forever lost"
"Then what are we waiting for?"
"Not so fast there slappy, the only way to reboot is to access the mainframe"
It was as hope had faded as quickly as it had come for Ed Dee, "You mean the mainframe in Microsoft?"
"Yes, it's the only way"
"How am I going to single-handedly storm the Castle of Microsoft?"
"You're not going to do it alone, and without means"
Just as Maddox said that, the earth began to tremble with a low roar from beneath. The candles that surrounded the room instantly lit in one solid motion. The walls began to chip and crack followed by a dull hum coming from the east. It was coming from the statues of the four horseman. Those statues that represented the men who fought with Maddox to shut the triad of evil out the first time. Small cracks began to form in the statues, and slowly light began to trickle from the cracks. The first statue of the infamous DrinkDDT crackled to life, his eyes slowly opened as the air around him fizzled with power. The granite from the second statue mysteriously melted away from the stout figure of Ryan Donovan, who moved forward to join his newly animated companion. The third statue exploded to life, it was Lowsodiummonkey, who took a brief momemnt to adjust to his surroundings, and stepped forward. The final statue turned bright white, and then in a flash, Ranger Rick appeared where the statue had been displayed for years. The four horseman, those heroes who aided Maddox in the banishment of the triad so long ago, had returned. Ranger Rick spoke, "Who is it, that has summoned us?"
"It is I, Maddox" The voice finally became audible enough where it filled the entire room
"Maddox, where are you?" said DrinkDDT, as four sets of eyes scanned the room.
"I have passed, thanks to Cole, but I am still with you, thanks be to Uber"
"Cole has returned? What of ChristPuncher and Kristy Swan?"
"The Triad lives again, and there is more to discuss, but first let me introduce you to my new friend, Ed"
Ed Dee stepped foward, his clothes still torn and in shambles.
"This, friends, is the new Lord of the Post" Maddox boomed from above
The men stood in awe, with both hope and sadness for the passing of their dear friend. There was no time to mourn however, if they were summoned, the world had seen better days.
"Now, let's catch up on some current events, as well as get the Lord of the Post suited up in his new armour.
Screams and cries could be heard from all directions as the war continued to rage, fires were scattered around the lands of Ubersite. People were tortured by the overwhelming force of the post-killers, it had seemed that the time to be a hero was gone, and all hope was lost. Their king, their heroes, all murdered at the hands of poor posting and worthless ramblings. Cole stood on a clifftop, looking out over the carnage that McBain's army had caused. He had recently took these lands by force, by aiding the powers of Microsoft. The sky was a deep blue, and the travel lines of the Internet Explorer had slowed to nearly a hault with spam overflowing throughout the net. The lands of Uberia were out of control. His two companions, the vicious siren named Krisy Swan, and the monster of a man Christpuncher, stood by his side. Together they were the ever-feared Triad, some of the worst posters in Uber history.
"Look at them," Cole said, "Scrambling for their lives" He scanned the bodies burned by posts below him, "As quickly as noble hero newbies enter this world, they are hunted and slain by my post-killers." Christpuncher let out a sharp grunt, and Kristy nodded. Kristy could wipe out a small army with her voice, she was a dangerous siren, so she could only speak through silent means of communication. Christpuncher was a horrific site to behold, his head encased in a metal cage, and his war-scarred skin made him look like more of a beast than a man. Evil had warped his body, forcing him to move like an animal, ever-changing his appearance to reflect his black heart. COle, once a blackened corpse, had took on more of a figure of a normal man after draining part of Maddox's powers. His skin was a light tone, now covered in black robes. He was still unaware that only part of Maddox's powers had been transferred, but it was enough, coupled with his own powers, to become a force to be reckoned with. "All of our enemies have been destroyed, it is now our time to rule" Cole turned to his henchmen, "Come, let us reap our rewards, and take the throne of Ubersite." Cole's black teeth were exposed by his mischevious grin, as thoughts of world domination ran through his head. As they made their way downward, a shadowy figure approached them, as the light came onto his face, he spoke "Milord, I've done what you have asked, may I be freed?" Cole spoke, "Not yet, Mr Evans, you still have work to do, I want you to find out as much as you can about this man they call Shitfuck. He fights for no one, and yet he could prove to be an asset. Go now, and return to me when you have done what I have asked." The wirey figure hobbled down the hillside without objection or question, he knew he would forever be imprisoned by the Triad for his deeds. Cole turned to Kristy, putting his arm around her and giving her breast a squeeze, "It's good to be the King" Kristy let out a sly smile as they followed Chris Evans further down to the plains of Uberia.
"Rise, Lord of the Post" Maddox said as voice echoed throughout the halls of his fortress. The man formally known as Ed Dee held a blinding glow around him as his newly awarded armour, once worn in battle by Maddox himself, gleamed by the candlelight. The four horseman stood on both sides of him, beaming with pride as the new hero slowly and to his amazement lifted from the ground. His head jerked back and his body began to convulse, as the power of Maddox that was buried deep within him came to the surface. His mouth opened to scream but only light had poured out. He was enlightened with the power of the post, as his body slowly drifted back to the ground.
"Remember, you have a powerful gift, but you are not immortal, remember that even the best of warriors can be bested if they hold pride in their hearts." Now, take my staff, and go out into a world that will shun you, attack you, and persecute you for who you are. YOu are not a messiah, you are not "The one", but you are a shining beacon of hope for the noob posters across Uberia, unite them with the aid of the four horsemen, and you will have the power of hope to stop the forces of evil that now plague the lands, and with that power, you have a chance, to see your friends who have passed once more."
LordofthePost said nothing, he knew what he must do.
"Remember, if you restore this world to the time that Loki called the McGuddah, everything will revert back to that time, McBain will still be alive, and anything you do at this point will be fruitless, do not waste your time saving this world of present, rather spend your time bringing back the world that once was."
Lordofthepost turned to his new companions, "Let's do this"
User Reviews
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-02-02 16:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO HOO!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-20 19:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HUZZAH!
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2005-01-20 19:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah guys don't sweat it, I'm going to introduce new and old characters alike....
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-19 12:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
penis
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-01-19 11:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woohoo
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-19 11:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All I ask is that *if* I am used, I be the rather not-so-sane guy. You know, like the Irish dude in Braveheart.
Or something like that... CAuse well... I'm not all too sane and all.
Don't belive me? Ask GLALL or look at his posts...
Yeah, good times.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-01-19 11:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm ready for my cameo, Mr. Lordofthepost
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-19 10:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck? Several main characters haven't been active for over a year, never even heard of Ed Dee or Ranger Rick.
And to make up for it you introduce Chris Evans? Why? WHY?
Though the shitfuck storyline is promising. Look forward to more.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-19 10:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss lowsaltchimp. His wife started her own business and he's left us now. Damn him and his priorities.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-19 05:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure I've said this before... But I love you.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-19 03:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
considering this is a series with lots of references to past posts in it, it'd be kind of hard to just replace characters. But he is adding new ones such as Chris Evans, and the entire plot right now is about recruiting the newer users to help the cause.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-19 03:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Update your fucking names. I have no idea who most of those people are.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-19 03:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SPACING!!!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-01-19 01:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I searched to see if my name was mentioned, I moved on.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-01-19 01:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
love the pic
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very niiiice
Submitted by Mister_Fahrenheit (user info) at 2005-01-19 00:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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