The Truth of the Female Orgasm (5298 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 80 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (View user info) at 2005-01-19 22:46:25 EST
Greetings, my long lost friends. For those of you who don't know me, I was once Uber's resident man-loving feminist, vagina-monologue writing, advice, short story and sympathy chick. It seems like there's a need for my special touch, so I'm weighing in on everybody's favorite topic: The Female Orgasm.
First of all, there's something you boys should know. Those third legs of which you're all so proud are nothing but overgrown clits. That's right. And your balls? Well-developed labia majora. Male and female embryos all start out the same way---as anatomic females. Obviously there are differences (baby boys don't have ovaries) but the basic concept is there. Our physiologies share a remarkable similarity. The biggest difference is a shocker----our little power-packed pussies can blow the sensory power of your peener out of the ballpark (Or bedroom. Though I for one like sex in public places...)
*****The clitoris has over TWICE as many nerve endings as the penis. Wrap your heads around that.****
So, for the record, there is no anatomical reason why you should believe your girl has to fake it with you. If she's can't get there, you can help her. (Ladies, if you can't get there, you can help yourself.) Since knowledge is power.....
*PreRequisite: The Pelvic Floor
One crucial thing you must realize is this----THE PELVIC FLOOR MUSCLE IS YOUR FRIEND. This muscle attaches to your abdominals deep within your belly (for really amazing abs, do Kegels while you do your ab exercises) and is the muscle responsible for orgasms. The clitoris, vagina, perenium, and anus all connect to the pelvic floor. The only thing that makes one "kind" of orgasm different from another is how much of that muscle tissue is involved. One "kind" is not better than another, and I believe that most women are physically capable of having all of them. Most women will go through life NOT having all kinds though, because muscular tension, pelvic floor weakness, inhibitions, self-conciousness, and other nasty things will get in the way.
While I'm sure these facts and figures are fascinating to you, what you should really consider are the different types of female orgasms. Yes, we have different types. (32 flavors and then some...)
101. Clitoral Orgasms
The lovely clitgasm. The beauty of the clitoral orgasm is that most women are capable of having them, and they can be QUICK. It's a myth that a woman can't get off as quickly as a man. We can. The stimulation just has to be the right kind and in the right place. Clitoral orgasms can happen fast (some women can get off in 1-2 minutes. I am not making this up.) These babies tend to be very intense, and some women can only have one or two before it gets painful, while others can go on seemingly forever. Wavelike multiple orgasms are here for the giving. Clitgasms also can help relax the rest of a woman's anatomy and prep her for other kinds of orgasms.
201. Vaginal Orgasms
The vagina itself doesn't have much nerve activity, which makes sense when you consider that a baby can pop out through there. (By the by, a vagina is NOT the entire female "down there." The vagina is the canal leading from the outside of the body up to the cervix. That's all "vagina" means.) HOWEVER, the vaginal muscles are incredibly strong, connected to the pelvic floor muscle. When a woman is sufficiently relaxed and ready, her orgasm can extend to the vagina, and the contractions that happen there pulse along with the clit, providing an even more intense, beautiful, sense-abandoning orgasm. Think about it---the more muscle involvement, the "bigger" the orgasm feels. With vaginal orgasms the uterus itself often contracts, which can help soothe menstrual pain if your lady's on her period.
301. G-Spot Orgasms
The G-Spot is a spongy body about the size of a walnut on the front side of the vagina. The classic "come here" motion with your palm facing upward is the best way to find it. Pressure on this spot may feel weird at first, and can make a woman feel like she has to pee. After a little bit of stimulation that feeling passes, and pressure here combined with a personalized concoction of clitoral, vaginal, anal (more on that later) techniques can cause an orgasm that spreads to the whole body. Obviously, the whole body doesn't literally contract as the pelvic floor does during orgasm, but the sensation can be felt through a woman's whole body. It's like the *energy* of the orgasm pulses EVERYWHERE.
420. Anal Orgasms
The anal sphincter is part of the pelvic floor. All of the muscles of the pelvic floor are designed to contract and release during orgasm. Anus included. It's rare for men and women to experience orgasm here because of the taboos associated with shitting, farting, and all the rest. Women have been taught that those things are "not nice" and it can be hard for them to let go enough to be able to feel orgasms here. I assure you, ladies and gents----it can be done. The key is to learn how to let go of the muscles in your daily life. You may not realize it, but I'm willing to be that right now you're clenching your asshole. Learn how to unclench and new orgasm territory is yours for the comming.
501. Female Ejaculation
The most mysterious of all sexual feats, female ejaculation is not fully understood, but it is also not a myth. G-spot stimulation is usually implicated when this happens, and the fluid that is released has been lab-tested and shown NOT to be urine (according to my memory of a Discovery Channel special that I watched late at night.) All I can say is that....I'm a believer.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-13 18:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-25 20:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It saddens me that I missed this. Rock on, Spikey.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-01-22 23:12:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, I need women to practice on.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-01-22 23:12:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You may not realize it, but I'm willing to be that right now you're clenching your asshole."
---------
?!?!!?!?!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2005-01-21 22:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, sorta, yeah.
Okay so it only happened twice, but dammit, it happened!
I hope you are well.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-01-21 12:36:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Female orgasm? HAHAHAHAAAA!
Stop writing science fiction.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-21 10:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Naery,
Sorry you and your buddy were dissapointed...but last I checked, we chicks don't have scrotums (scrotae?) Though I'm sure there are ladies out there who could use that info.
MoneyG
As far as the psychology thing, I can't will myself to come without *any* stiumulation at all, but I can def help the process along with my mind. Many women can bring themselves to "hands free" orgasms by contracting their pelvic floor muscles and squeezing their thighs together. It helps boring meetings go by *much* faster. Still, I don't know if I could will myself to have an orgasm during bad sex, or bad oral. I'd be thinking too much about how to get him to do something right than about what I was feeling. Some women also have spontaneous orgasms. Personally, I can't do a certain tricep exercise at the gym without having an orgasm.
It may come as a surprise to you, but for a woman it's *very* hard to feel the exact moment that a guy blows his load inside of her. The vagina itself has very few nerve endings, and if the woman is sufficiently wet with her own love-juice she isn't going to feel a big difference in terms of wetness. If I focused soley on that, I could tell, but usually by that time my mind is on *other* things.
Coley,
You can come just from nipple stimulation?!?! I've got to work on that! I hope that all is well with you too. It's been a long time.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2005-01-21 02:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi Spike! Hope you are well.
I did not learn anything new from this post (being the supersexuallyeducated Scorpio that I am) but it is still well-written and informative for anyone who DID learn something.
But you forgot the areolar orgasm..
you know, the one you can have just from nippular ma-nip-ulation.
Or has that only happened to me?
And what the fuck is it with every guy on this board claiming to have "made a chick squirt"?
I doubt it's THAT common.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-01-21 01:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2005-01-21 00:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and now you have 70! okay, not quite as awesome, but still impressive. I just had to say this to pen-name, because what he said was pretty cool, and right on the money.(Not me you sick fuckers) Have any of you other guys ever done that? You know what I mean, just kind of controlled it. Guys can do that, but I don't think women can. It's like you're getting a blowjob, and she's not terribly good at it, so you wait it out a few minutes, then go. And the greatest part is, it's just as good as ever!
Now the thing I really need to have explained to me is that 28%. First off, how the hell to you fake it. When I guy orgasms, it's pretty damn obvious, and there's really no way that either party can be fooled into thinking he did it when he really didn't. Spike, I guess you can tell me this: I your having sex without a condom(okay, I know this is personal, bear with me) and the guy cums, you can feel it right? I guess all the ladies here can answer that, but you do have some idea of when he did it don't you?
And as for the 28%, WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH YOU GUYS??? I just don't see how you can be having this problem. How can it be so bad, that you seriously can not get off?
And for the psychology thing, something that everyone should know. Telling and asking your partner how something feels is a must. You shouldn't feel embarrassed, if you're pleasing your lady, just ask her if she likes it. "How's that feel baby?" "You like that?" And ladies, if a a guy grabs your head and tries to get you to do something, just do it, it's no big deal.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-20 23:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Right now you have 69 reviews... awesome!
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2005-01-20 23:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My buddy and I just read this together. He and I were both amazed at the depth and scope of this piece. However, he has just brought to my attention the unfortunate lack of reference to the scrotum. The scrotum, much like the perineum, is capable of causing unbelievable sensations of sexual awareness. So, SpikeGoddess, and all you other hotties, whip out the ol' tongue on the wang and the hand on the scrote and you have all the makings of a happy ending.
Can I get a massage with that?
What?
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-01-20 22:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
All hail the return of Spike Goddess.
The self-proclaimed worlds foremost authority on everything.
I continue to be unimpressed. Shut up, child.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-01-20 21:37:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See...if there was a God there'd be the following:
601. Tonsil Orgasm
The most powerful of all orgasms, the tonsil orgasm, is not fully understood. Tonsil stimulation is by far the most effective among all the female organs. Also, the simplest. Simply thrust as deep as possible at varying speeds and your woman will experience the most amazing full-body orgasm she's ever felt. It is even more powerful when first waking up or while driving on a long road trip. And best of all, the Tonsil Orgasm releases natural chemicals that tell the female brain to bring her mate a freshly made sandwich and a beer, then promply go to sleep.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-01-20 21:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay new Spikeypost!
I could swear I rated this last night, but apparently I was hallucinating.
But yay!
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-20 20:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JohnGalt,
HAHAHAHA!
You don't have to touch them all at the same time! In fact, for a lot of women that would be too much. Also, they make sex toys, and your girl has two hands...
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-01-20 20:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I plan to start my own line of female ejaculate juices. Then every man and woman can taste the awesome power of Pussy-ade!
Submitted by dinojr345 (user info) at 2005-01-20 20:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A Clitorary Masterpiece.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-01-20 20:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to hear more about how to do this: "pressure here combined with a personalized concoction of clitoral, vaginal, anal (more on that later) techniques can cause an orgasm that spreads to the whole body"
The average man only has so many extremities, for Christ's sake. What the hell did you fuck, an octopus?
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-01-20 19:43:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Charlotte has female orgasms. Burn!
http://www.petitiononline.com/gcsucks/petition.html
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-20 19:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Everybody!!!
PMJ, how's it going?!?!
Turtle, you are an inspiration!
Totally_Useless, you flatter me. Was that really the first post you read?
Urbane, I'd make hot lesbian love to you any day.
Shit....who else did I forget?!!? Well, I love you too.
Yeah, the psychological issue does seem like a major difference. Having never been a man, I can't say what it's like for you guys. To everybody who's asked for specific how-tos....I've thought about it, but I'm not sure if I want to go there. For one, it may end up being TMI, and for another, I can't possibly guide you in how to please every single woman out there. At the same time, I do believe that I have a lot of things that might be of use to the average clueless dude. Whoever said that it's also on the women to tell their partners what they want was right on point. Women and men *both* have to teach their partners how to touch them. Touch is subjective, and everyone gives touch differently, and everyone experiences touch differently. The best thing to do is to speak up, or to ask your partner direct questions if they're keeping silent.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-20 16:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4 down, 1 to go.....
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-20 08:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
A recent newspaper article claimed that 28% of men also fake orgasm.
Sadly, I'm one of the 28%. I figure you should make a post about how to get a guy off too, Spike. It's really not that difficult to understand how to work a penis. There's no hidden bells or whistles, it's all right out there in the open, but sometimes I wonder about you women.
On another note, squirters are awesome. First time I ever witnessed it was in the passenger seat of my first car. It didn't bother me, because she was the one who had to sit in it on the ride back.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-20 13:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dang - I wish I could do all that stuff...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"501. Female Ejaculation"
I'm a believer too. My ex sprayed that stuff all over my face and it wasn't coming out of urethra.
It's pretty shocking at first.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is right on point!!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i see it now...
to think, all that time i've been plugging her belly button
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You kids are crazy. I love the squirters.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'bout time you posted something again.
Hope things are going well for you at school.
You know, it isn't fair. I'd say, this is all well and good, but I'm looking for some super-secret how-to's on techniques practiced only by the ancient druids but guaranteed to leave your woman in a coma, but I can see the response a mile away. "All women are different, what works for one, might not work for others."
That's a bunch of ka-ka. A similar post about men would be; "touch his peener. repeat."
Not fair. Not FAIR!!!
Curse you overly complicated, complex and unfortunately, still-purdy females.
Why can't anything ever be simple with you?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:33:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
[ctrl]-B
But the sqirting thing...
Ew.
Seriously.
Just ew.
I don't jerk into a gals face unless she wants it, and I would hope I don't get squirted in the face, cause I sure as hell don't want it...
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:30:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woah, she has returned...
(i'm still scared of you)
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First post I ever read on Uber:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31033
Still my favorite, too.
My lady has the awesome ability to ejaculate. There is no better feeling in the world than leaving her exhausted and flushed from head to toe. But I do find myself spending way too much money on bibs; I'm a messy eater.
Spike, thanks for letting the Uber-naive in on the secrets. Every man should know how to thoroughly please his woman.
I think I'll go home for lunch today.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:25:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wohooo +2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:21:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well written
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-01-20 08:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Automatic +2 for being a feminist and not a man-hater.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-20 08:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Girls have a what?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-20 08:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good stuff containing a few points that I will admit to being ignorant of.
The thing that pisses me off with women, is that some of them do not want to help a guy out.
What I mean is things that work for one person, don't always work for another.
Women, please don't fake it or just lay there (with me anyway). If my technique isn't working for you, talk to me, point me in a direction that does.
I am always open to suggestion (as long as it doesn't involve ramming something large into my anus).
Men may be just as guilty but I wouldn't know as I don't go that way (except at weekends).
A recent newspaper article claimed that 28% of men also fake orgasm.
Thats my 2 cents.
-Dave
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-01-20 07:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spikey, you rock my fuzzy moo-cow socks
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-20 05:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it a sign of my gender that i'm the only one here who seems to have known all of this already?
Am I the only guy here who can tell a lady HOW to exercise her pelvic floor? (Kegels, weights, that strange granite egg I forget the name of you raise, hold and release ...)
I'm with shitfuck on this one though... Female ejaculation is THE. FUCKING. SHIT.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-01-20 05:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm set in my beliefs so i won't waiver on the whole debate, but i have to make mention of a few things.
the perineum is scary. it doesn't take much coersion to get me to stroll to the canal o' mystery, and if i have a few drinks and a package of saran wrap, i'll check out the pooper, but the taint is to undefined. What's worse is post preganacy taint with possible stretch marks and scars from baby head tears--it's like playing with a war veteran's mangled nub.
and this
"The lovely clitgasm. The beauty of the clitoral orgasm is that most women are capable of having them, and they can be QUICK. It's a myth that a woman can't get off as quickly as a man. We can. The stimulation just has to be the right kind and in the right place."
this is what's screwy with females. every time we find a new one we have to read the manual and get refresher courses.
"ok...wet the index, middle...slow...be carefull not to scratch...shit...i don't have a number two pencil!"
too complicated. a guy could get off from the shittiest blowjob just by thinking..."cum." in fact, i have.
"ok...it's been 20 minutes...time to wrap his up"
*close eyes and use jedi mind trick*
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-20 03:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, how I love having oragasms.
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2005-01-20 02:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not a single fault in what you're saying here; though I did look for one. And as far as psychological barriers are concerned; yes, it is very different for guys and girls, but I'm not sure I know exactly what it was you were saying. See, for a guy, there can be psychology, and at the same time, there can be nothing at all. That's pretty much why we can get off to just about anything. You can concentrate on the feeling, or you can think about nothing, and it will happen no matter what, and it will be the same as if it had happened any other way.
Now I know girls need to be in the right state of mind. They have to "up for it" and comfortable before they can really orgasm, whereas a guy just needs to have someone rubbing his cock. And degree of comfort and often the person who's doing it doesn't really matter too much. That's what enables us to do it in the back of an old beat-up station wagon on the side of the interstate.
There is a different degree to which the different parts of us must be satisfied. For simplicity's sake, we'll use just two; the purely physical, and the emotional. Now for guys, we need fulfilling relationships, but this is largely divorced from the physical aspect of sex. For girls, I'm pretty sure that these must go hand in hand, or they simply wont go at all, but we can take them apart and use them separately. That's how a guy can cheat on his girlfriend by raucously fucking his secretary in the middle of the day, and then going home and making love to his girlfriend. Two different types of satisfaction.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spikey Darling,
I ad libbed an oral presentation in my psychology of human sexuality class for my final and still got over 100%.
When I was but a wee lad I was facinated by women (still am thank Jebus), I still remember the first book I read on the subject: "Total Sex". It was a fairly well written handbook for fireworks to explosisions with your partner. I wanted to be prepared for when the day came when I would cum and be responsible for pleasuring a woman.
So far the only complaint I have gotten has been "Not a 4th time, go to sleep you horndog I have work in the morning"
4
B
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:18:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"whereas to a man could be screwing a meatloaf and get off."
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........meatloaf.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BigMike,
You're too kind. I ran off to NYU to go back to my dream-chasing. Since then, I ran back to Maryland for a little while, and will run back to NYU to finish my last year. I've given up on the myth that college has to be a straight-shot in order to work. I'm making it happen *my* way, and that's taken a lot of the pressure off.
I actually imagine that psychology affects guys too, it's just that the mechanisms are different. I mean, don't you guys sometimes think of ugly women or other turn-offs in order to stop yourselfs from popping boners at bad times? Or to slow you down so you don't come too quickly? That's psychological. I guess it's just that there are more things that get in the way of women's minds. Also, I know from experience that it doesn't always take foreplay, fantasy, etc to get the job done. (It's better with all of that, but not impossible without it. I can have mechanical orgasms too.) What do you think, BigMike?
Spike, there is no bad time for "popping a boner" as you so aptly put it. :) If it's impressive I say be proud. If it's not, it won't show anyway so why worry?
If I want to prolong, I slow down. I thrust more deeply, but at a slower pace. And you're right, it doesn't always take alot of foreplay, fantasy, etc, to get off. I was just saying that in the case of many women there is a psychological barrier that needs to be breached before full orgasm can occur.
You just want to talk about sex, don't you Spike? I'm on to you. :)
Some women just can't let themselves go that far without a safety net of some kind.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+++++++++
The clitoris has over TWICE as many nerve endings as the penis. Wrap your heads around that.****
- - - -
And wrap your heads around this, that women have nine times the pain tolerance as men. (It's built into their genetic code for childbirth). So nipple clamps, although they might hurt men too much, aren't the same for women.) My point isn't that pain gets women off, although to some girls it turns the trick, but that most men skip from first base to third and ignore second far too oft. And in general most guys are far too gentle- this is coming from girls I know, not men.
I tried to find fault in your post, but couldn't. As far as anal, I've only know two girls that actually could reach orgasm from that alone (there's a great Squeeze Parkay/microwave story within that aside) but the thing is: a man's prostate gland is more developed, hence men are into that typically more than women- but not all women. Not all of them. Big Mike is right about the psychological atmosphere being all important to a woman, whereas to a man could be screwing a meatloaf and get off.
Hand-feed girls chocolate (it's trite but it works!), pull their hair back and look them dead in the eyes and tell them how they make you feel.
This is way too complex for the net so I'll stop, but very good post. +++
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BigMike,
You're too kind. I ran off to NYU to go back to my dream-chasing. Since then, I ran back to Maryland for a little while, and will run back to NYU to finish my last year. I've given up on the myth that college has to be a straight-shot in order to work. I'm making it happen *my* way, and that's taken a lot of the pressure off.
I actually imagine that psychology affects guys too, it's just that the mechanisms are different. I mean, don't you guys sometimes think of ugly women or other turn-offs in order to stop yourselfs from popping boners at bad times? Or to slow you down so you don't come too quickly? That's psychological. I guess it's just that there are more things that get in the way of women's minds. Also, I know from experience that it doesn't always take foreplay, fantasy, etc to get the job done. (It's better with all of that, but not impossible without it. I can have mechanical orgasms too.) What do you think, BigMike?
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:51:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aw shit, it's all Greek to me
<whacks off>
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I would never presume to give advice to you."
I wasn't lecturing Spike so forgive me if I came off that way.
I miss reading your stuff. Every once in awhile I wonder where you've run off to.
Many women can't get off unless they are in the right frame of mind. Many, many women.
Psychological influences aren't a big part of the sexual experience for men. That is why we often take forever to learn that it is the exact opposite for women. If we can get her mind and the body to react together, then we've got something, or she's got something. Whatever. it's all about wanting to satisfy not wanting to be satisified.
I think men who have this frame of mind are more popular sexually with any women they have the experience with.
Oh, and the whole G spot stimulation coupled with the tongue thing? Works wonderfully well.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BigMike,
I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!! (As much as that is possible...) This post was not at ALL intended for the likes of you. I would never presume to give advice to you. You've got much much much more life experience than me. And you are *so* right. I think that the mind is the biggest sexual "muscle" and the hottest erogenous zone, and it's also the biggest obstacle to pleasure. Anybody would do well to listen to you, particularly to this:
"My advice? Gents should pay attention to the entire body, not just the holiest of holies."
This goes for oral too, guys!!!!! There's more down there than the clit! (We know that you're really proud of finding it, but it's not the whole show. Also, you know how blow jobs are better for you when the girl uses her hands well? Same concept applies to us. You know how it's yummier to eat food with your hands? Eat pussy with your hands too and see what it does for her.)
Anyway, BigMike, you rock. As always.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:15:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great! now all i need is a road map of some sort...
you are here --------------> X
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I assumed I broke something on her the first time I saw a real flood out.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:10:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NICE SHOES LET'S FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*****The clitoris has over TWICE as many nerve endings as the penis. Wrap your heads around that.****
Rather use my lips.
Spike, this is great, but could you please tell me something I don't know?
Hell, I'm 44, there probably isn't too much I don't know.
Biggest preventative of the female orgasm? Psychology.
Womens bodies are made for orgasm. It's god's gift for making them go through that nasty painful childbirth stuff.
But she's gotta believe in you.
My advice? Gents should pay attention to the entire body, not just the holiest of holies. Find the spots that really make her engine run. Pay attention to her response when you run your fingers over the small of her back. See how she reacts when you tickle the inside of her thighs. If you touch the little crease where her buttocks meet her thigh and she trembles, do it again, with your tongue.
For god's sake, pay attention. Make the bedroom your classroom and her body your text. Let her do the same thing.
Discovery can be so much fun.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome. (No pun intended, I don't think.)
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot something,
That the hard truth is this--
BIGGER IS BETTER.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The first time I made a girl spray, I flipped out. "WHOA, since when is it supposed to do THAT?!?"
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shitfuck,
Please don't tell me you haven't seen Jonukah's O-face?!?!?!! It's only one of the most famous Uber posts of all time!
bush_for_god,
That seems like it might be another post in the making. We'll see. But the best way to start is to ASK her what she likes. If she doesn't want to talk, you can trick her into telling you. Here's how:
Do two different things on the same body part, then ask which feels better.
Example:
Say, "What feels better...this..."
*lightly run your fingers over her back in unpredictable swirling patterns*
"or this..."
*dig your fingers into her back and run them straight down either side of her spine*
This gets around the problem some people have of expressing their desires because they don't know where to start. You can apply this technique to just about anything: oral sex, speed of thrusting, depth of penetration, kinds of touching, biting, licking, sucking, hot spots...just about ANYTHING. Every woman is different, and asking her is the only way to know for sure how to please her.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yes the vagina, a mystical organ of wonderious pleasures. id truley like to own one for a day or two.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
now that i know all about them....HOW DO I GET THE GIRL THERE?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on--how many chicks out there can do it, have done it?
Break the silence!
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:27:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I seriously need to print this off and give this every guy I know.
I'll send you royalties.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:27:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does that mean you fucked him or something?
Because that would be like uhhhhhhh awesome.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:16:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Turtle,
That's FAR from sad. You are an example to your sex. (And your joke is OLD!!!!) Hope all is well with you!
shitfuck,
Come on now...you know I'm a classy girl. Ask Jonukah. He's the one who does the O-face pictures. ;)
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing new to me sadly ;)
However here is my counter very misognistic joke.
Q: How can you tell when a woman Orgasms?
A: Who Cares?
4
B
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so glad you're around to enlighten the boys.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spike throw in some pictures of you demonstrating each of these orgasms and me and all the other ubersite guys will pretend that we didn't jerk off to them.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, but I don't like the thought of fucking something that feels like sandpaper.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This summer I was getting with some girl I met during an insane weeklong binge of hedonistic pleasures. On my friend's naked mattress, I brought her to clitgasm again and again with my tireless tongue. Once she came and squeezed my head violently between her thighs to force me to stop. How dare she! So the moment she released pressure, I immediately raced back to the prize and began licking furiously and with wild abandon!
Oh, how she screamed.
Overstimulating the clit- there's nothing funner.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WETTER IS BETTER!!!!!!!!
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-19 23:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gushing is still disgusting.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-19 22:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I gotta get me some of them
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 22:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not only is it real, but it's fucking cool.
It's like striking oil in the ocean or curing cancer. Instant spray fame.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2005-01-19 22:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am enlightened.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-01-19 22:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet Jesus, they DO happen.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 22:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I've seen the squirt, I've even been SPLASHED by the squirt.
And fuck it, I though it ruled. Chicks rule.
Wetter Is Better.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-01-19 22:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahaha... I love you Spikeygal.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-19 22:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh sweet jesus, I'd fuck you FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!