How to Let a Cop Know You're drunk (1180 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.36 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Huber the Nose<paulh82.at.bluewin.ch> (View user info) at 2005-01-20 09:39:47 EST
The following is a true recollection of an American living in Basel, Switzerland:
It's Friday night. The last of my friends visiting for the holidays just went back to the states. Ugh....this means it's time to hang out with Swiss people again. And THIS means its time to hang out with Lue again.
Ah good old Lue. He used to be a good friend of my roommates, until about 4 months ago when Boris (my roommate) got a new girlfriend and lost his social life. Since Lue was coming over all the time, things just stayed the same, minus Boris. So now Lue and I are pretty good friends.
So back to Friday night; Im meeting Lue, his friend Benny and his sister, who turned out to be a fucking fox (why are your friends' sisters always hot?). So after a few drinks at some shitty yuppie bar, boris calls and says him and his girlfriend are going to Papa Joe's. Papa Joe's is pretty much the only bar/restaurant in Basel that resembles a bar/restaurant in the states (as far as atmosphere/food).
So off to Papa Joes we go, sans Benny and his hot sister. When we get there, Boris and his girlfriend are already there, drinking girlie drinks. After the mandatory insult of Boris' manhood, I head off to the bar to get some manly refreshments. Ahh....not only is Papa Joes the only place that reminds me a little of the states, it is also the only one that carries one of my favorite beers: Negra Modelo.
So I get back to the table with the drinks, and start taking a look around. Im looking, trying to decide which swiss girl I should get the cold shoulder from tonight. Fucking unfriendly swiss girls. So the evening continues pretty much the same; me haggling boris for drinking girl drinks, and me and Lue getting shut down by cold swiss girls; until its about 2 oclock and Papa Joes is closing.
So on our way out, we decide to get something to eat at City Liner. Me, Boris, and his girlfriend are walking ahead. I turn around to see where Lue went and I see him surrounded by like 5-6 people, and Lue is pummeling one of them Bud Spencer style. In my drunken state it took me a few seconds to realise what was going on. My drunken realisation went something like this:
„Where the hell is Lue?"
„Oh there he is......hey who are those jerks?"
„What the hell is Lue doing....is he fighting, or doing the monkey?"
„Hey wait a second......"
Luckily, i had already started running over subconsciously. When I got there I started shoving the other people away and pulling Lue back. As I was pulling him back, I looked to the right and saw this guy coming forward about to throw a roundhouse at Lue. I let go of Lue and shoved the guy from the side as he was in mid-swing, knocking him on his ass. I gave him a few friendly kicks in the side, and yelled at his friend, who didnt look like he wanted any. Unfortunately while I was doing this, I lost track of Lue, who now, teamed with Boris, was mixing it up with the other people from the group. Then, all of a sudden a bunch of random turkish friends of Lue showed up and totally pummeled the hell out of the other guys.
After a few minutes, the fight was over, and we were making our way over to City Liner, when the cops showed up. Of course, Lue's Turkish friends had already dissappeared (which I would have to if it wasn't for Boris' girlfriend slowing us down). So the cops put me and Lue in hand cuffs, and we each got to sit in a seperate car. Boris and his girlfriend also had to get in the back with me, but without handcuffs.
As Im sitting there, I can see the cops getting the story from the other guys, while we are in the car. One of them was pointing at me a little too much for comfort, so I felt like I needed to have my say. Leaning to the right, I reached over to the door with my handcuffed hands, and found the handle (stupid swiss cops didnt lock the door). I open the door and stuck my head out and gave my quick two cents, something like „It wasnt me, I didnt do anything. Look at my knuckles, I didnt hit anyone."
This of course didnt make the cops happy as one of them shoved me back in the car, slammed the door, and locked it this time. They finished getting the other guys' side of the story, and then all they asked us for was information, and took the handcuffs off. They asked us where we were going to go, and we said that we were going to get something to eat. They decided to drive us to the other side of town (where we live) to get something to eat there. As I was getting out of the car, I reached in my pocket to get my hat, and noticed it was missing. In my drunken stupor I mildly panicked. „Oh no! I think my hat fell out of my pocket! I gotta go back and get it!"
For a few seconds, the cop just stared at me with blank look on his face. „.......It's on your head."
User Reviews
Submitted by MrCoffee (user info) at 2005-01-20 16:58:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i Called 2 cops "fassicst CUNTS" to their faces on newyears eve,
luckily they could see i was pissed off my tits & gave me stern talking too, as opposed to a stern beating.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-20 16:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The best way to let a cop know you're drunk is to vomit all over the back of the squad car, but that's just me, I suppose...
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:28:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wheres the part where you shat on the swiss girl's chest?
--------------
now THAT, my child, is a story for another day.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wheres the part where you shat on the swiss girl's chest?
WELL???
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for Homer
25 Years old with a Full size cardboard cutout in my office....can't talk he's looking at me...
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A little spell-checking wouldn't have hurt. +2 for D'Oh, and a fine story otherwise.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled.
-Dave
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:19:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Negra Modelo
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good story, not great but there was an entertainment value
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't ever want to see your ass in Hazzard County again!
- Daisy Duke
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. I like the part where you were trying to kick some ass.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post was Exactly (Excellent)...
heh heh heh........D'oh!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:47:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yea....Im way better at telling stories than writing them....
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-20 09:45:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mildly entertaining