Fun With Real E-Mail, Part 3 (65076 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fun_with_real_e-mail
Rating: 1.81 on 94 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell (View user info) at 2005-01-20 11:36:23 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57074
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57130
This is the third, and (for now) final installment of my Fun With Real E-Mail series. I'm running out of things to say to these people...
Once again, these e-mails are real and unedited.
---------------------------------------------------------
From: Lola
To: Tom
Subject: Can you help me?
Tom I'm having trouble opening a file on my computer could you please come help me?
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Lola
Subject: Delivery Failure Notification
We're sorry, but the e-mail address you're trying to reach is inactive. Please check the address and try again.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: FWD: Something is wrong with Toms email.
Is there a reason Lola sent me this e-mail?
"Brain I emailed Tom to see if he could help me and it said his email address is inactive what is wrong with it? I need help with my computer and I can't get a hold of him."
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: ???
I know nothing.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: ???
I know nothing makes you happier than confusing an old woman, but for God's sake go help her so she stops bugging me.
---------------------------------------------------------
From: Zoe
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: PAPER PLEASE
T: Sorry to be a pest but we need paper over here on the south side. Thanks!
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Zoe
Subject: re: PAPER PLEASE
Look, I'm not here to support your habits, ok? You can go to 7/11 and buy your papers, but leave me out of it.
I'm a good boy, I am.
--
From: Zoe
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: PAPER PLEASE
Do you want anything from 7/11?
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Zoe
Subject: re: PAPER PLEASE
Yea, get me some papers.
---------------------------------------------------------
From: Linda
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: paperwork to NY
Please put the paperwork I dropped in your box in a orange envelope and send it to NY.
Thanks.
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Linda
Subject: re: paperwork to NY
Ok, green envelope to Detroit. No problem.
--
From: Linda
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: TOM!
Stop messing with me you weasel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Linda
Subject: LINDA!
I'm sorry, the weasel is in Nevada. He left last Tuesday so he could marry that coyote he's been seeing for the last three months. Apparently her father's not to happy about it, not that I blame him. How would you feel if your only daughter married a weasel? If you want to get in touch with him, his e-mail is TedtheWeasel01.at.yahoo.com.
--
From: Linda
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: LINDA!
?????????????
---------------------------------------------------------
From: Kelly
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: Please help!!
Tom, I need to find the paperwork for account number #######, but I have no idea where it is! He'll be in here in half an hour and I need to have everything ready! Can you help me?
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Kelly
Subject: re: Please help!!
**exaggerated sigh**
Well, it looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines. I'll be back in a second.
--
From: Kelly
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: Please help!!
How do you think I feel? It just so happens this was the week I was going to stop sniffing glue. Now come back here and help me look for these papers.
---------------------------------------------------------
From: Brian (once again, he's the big boss)
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: question:
I was told you were late yesterday while I was out... what happened?
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: answer
I had car trouble.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer
What was the problem?
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer
I got in it too late.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer
I see. Don't be late again or I will physically harm you, and to make matters worse, while you're in the hospital recovering from the severe beating, I'll steal your wife and run off to Europe.
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer
You can have my wife, I have the gnomes to keep me company.
Just so you know, while you were gone yesterday, I'm answered the phone like this: "Bob's Country Bunker, Bob speaking."
The guy from compliance was not amused. Expect to hear from him ny the end of the week.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer
That might actually make sense if your name was Bob.
--
From: Tom
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer
HA HA, fool! My middle name is Robert.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer
touchè
Get to work.
User Reviews
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-18 14:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-18 12:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No fun with email in the this office, NO SIR. We are monitored by the IT department, and they keep tabs on everything we do. 1 step shy of keyloggers and that's only because they are illegal in our line of work.
We take our email VERY seriously and offenders are TERMINATED.
The cuntdrip manager who failed her piss test (and wasn't canned???) fired the pregnant lady for using her cellphone during office hours.
WTF.
I swear on my life I will never accept a job from a company based in Ohio ever again.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-18 12:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love bantering work emails but they happen so rarely because everybody I work with is a complete dullard!
Submitted by Arktos_SGS (user info) at 2008-07-18 12:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Post (along with part 1 and 2) that finally made me join to rate this haha
Excellent Stuff
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:11:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-29 17:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny stuff right derrr
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-05-30 13:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-04 23:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 13:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61743
The truth about these "Fun With Real Email Series"
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-23 09:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and Tony: You're right, I make less than 35K a year, so what? Do you really think that bothers me? Money isn't everything...
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-23 09:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually that's not entirely true, I'm not actually going to school full time. I'm only taking 9 hours right now...
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-23 09:17:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2005-02-23 00:01:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
you can't possibly make more than $35k a year. you sound like some total dipshit doing work that any asshole with a bullshit degree out of some state university could have gotten. It's funny that you think you're so unique and cool because of the way you make lame ass jokes in your email correspondences.
You're not unique, you're not cool. You're just a fucking dork with a shitty job.
---------
Actually I'm working towards that degree right now because I spent the last five years in the Navy. I also never claimed to be cool or unique. Why are you so pissed off and hostile?
Shitty job? I work at a Fortune 500 company an I get paid 13 bucks an hour (along with with full benefits) AS I'M GOING TO SCHOOL full time.
Not only that, but I'm studying for the Series 7 test, which will allow me to eventually become a broker (if I so choose). I'm thinking that for someone without a degree, I have a pretty damned good thing going. My resume when I graduate college will include the military (with secret clearance) and a Fortune 500 company. Not too shabby.
In conclusion, take your lame insults and condescending attitude and go elsewhere. You're not unique, you're not cool. You're just a fucking dork who can't write for shit (as evidenced by your overall -.22 rating) and chooses to lash out at complete strangers on your computer for no real reason.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2005-02-23 00:01:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you can't possibly make more than $35k a year. you sound like some total dipshit doing work that any asshole with a bullshit degree out of some state university could have gotten. It's funny that you think you're so unique and cool because of the way you make lame ass jokes in your email correspondences.
You're not unique, you're not cool. You're just a fucking dork with a shitty job.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-21 22:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:13:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I ... meant Top 10 MVM...the ones on the sidebar
------------------------------------------
Nah, it really sky-rocketed at first, but since then it's really cooled down. I think it's tapped out as of right about now.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Um, Tom, I kinda meant Top 10 MVM... Sorry. just used to the ones on the sidebar, not the ones in the clickity-click area.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear to God, Tom, if you let this shit go to your head I'm going to kill you.
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-02-20 20:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-20 14:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This one already has, Jay. It's dead last, but it's on there.
I also have one that's about number 20 on there as well.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-19 21:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tom, I have a strong feeling that ONE of the Fun with E-mail posts is gonne break into MVM...
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-02-18 17:32:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2005-02-17 15:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your boss rules.
"touchè
Get to work"
+2 for bringing back the Gnome reference!
Submitted by Obi-wan (user info) at 2005-02-14 16:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know nothing makes you happier than confusing an old woman, but for God's sake go help her so she stops bugging me.
confusing old people is the way forward
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2005-02-14 15:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-02-11 22:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell do you work?
Submitted by Over_There (user info) at 2005-02-11 10:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this.
Submitted by Megso (user info) at 2005-02-11 10:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Instead of complaining that there aren't links to parts 4 and 5, I've decided to be a pal.
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57964
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/58410
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-06 19:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-02 14:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are awesome.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-02 06:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yerb yera agnid
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-01 18:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lokee (user info) at 2005-02-01 12:16:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Tom
your an IT loser.
------
Hey Lokee,
You're an idiot who doesn't know the difference between you're and your. Congratulations on your failed education and the grief you have caused your family.
And for the record, I don't work in IT, I'm just one of the few people in my building who knows what the hell is going on.
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2005-02-01 16:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love these.
awesome.
Submitted by lokee (user info) at 2005-02-01 12:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Tom
your an IT loser.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-01-31 17:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it make me raff ha ha
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-29 14:57:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You rule.
Submitted by doubleC (user info) at 2005-01-29 14:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The papers conversation with Zoe is worth B@W alone, I laughed out loud, literally. Genius.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-29 01:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
these 3 posts were great
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-28 15:01:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CONGRATS ON b@W
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-28 12:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I missed these.
Best stuff I've read this year.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AJ, I should be on it right now. I have more than CatsCradle.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-26 23:06:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, this thing is taking off.
Those two links at the top can't be hurting things, either.
You're going to crack the MVM with this bad boy, if only at the bottom.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hell yea, a year between visits to BAW means this one is extra sweet.
Thanks again...
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:02:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@Woooooooo!
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
these are cool.
Submitted by aphiz (user info) at 2005-01-25 21:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeeeeeeeeeee
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love it.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-25 16:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-25 06:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2005-01-25 01:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty funny.
Submitted by Jaineix (user info) at 2005-01-24 17:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heheh, this is the best.
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: answer
I had car trouble.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer
What was the problem?
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer
I got in it too late.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-24 15:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hell yea, Jay.
This is my second time.
Thanks, for the kind words.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-24 15:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W! Kick ass!
Submitted by GrandsonOfGod (user info) at 2005-01-24 15:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for making me urinate in my pants...
in the computer lab
P.S. please make some more
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-01-24 13:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These were hilarious.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-24 10:51:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, please make more. I'd never seen this series till now, I just read all three and its the biggest laugh I've had all day...
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-24 10:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks AJ
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-24 10:17:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W, Tom.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-24 08:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gracias, El Barto.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-01-24 01:42:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are hilarious
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-20 17:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-01-20 17:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are grand. GRAND, I tell you!
Submitted by MrCoffee (user info) at 2005-01-20 16:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This series is brilliant, i love this shit
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-01-20 16:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to use the "I got in it too late" line when my boss asks why I was late every day this week except for tuesday.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-01-20 16:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this shit
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-20 15:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks.
I might do a part four in a week or so, I got a nice little nugget this afternoon regarding scanning.
Submitted by joefu007 (user info) at 2005-01-20 15:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolutely awesome!! Shared all three with co-workers... you have made them fans!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-01-20 15:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ghey Wars: The Trilogy.
Now available to own, and moderately priced.
Contact Bob's Country Bunker for more info.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thoroughly enjoy these...concise and funny.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:48:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
solid stuff
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:26:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: ???
I know nothing makes you happier than confusing an old woman, but for God's sake go help her so she stops bugging me.
----------------------------------------
Awesome. 100% quality, unadulterated, awesomeness.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-20 13:51:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:46:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your boss is da man!
------
Yes he is.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-20 13:08:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-01-20 13:06:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm a good boy, I am."
---------------
Thought you might like that...
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2005-01-20 13:07:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:-D
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-01-20 13:06:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm a good boy, I am."
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your boss is da man!
Submitted by CJRipley (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You make me laugh with joy. Or depression ... I can't really tell anymore.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:28:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love these!
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:12:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you need more of these, I love them.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We do have phones, but no one uses them.
E-mail is more convenient.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:56:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't you people have phones in your offices?
Actually I am glad you don't use them, these stories were amusing.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: answer
I had car trouble.
--
From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer
What was the problem?
--
From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer
I got in it too late.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amusing.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I expect fun with email part 4 to reference fight club. Telling the confused old lady that "the first rule of technical support club is you don't ask for help" should be very amusing.
In fact, I think I'm going to try that one myself..
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:50:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wel, I've been saying this for years...if it wasn't for movie lines and television sitcom lines...I'd basically have nothing interesting to say to anyone...ever.
So I really shouldn't judge.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I have your life?
I'll give you mine and a box of animal crackers...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So do these people physically interact with you?
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, I've watched WAAAAY to many movies.
It's just the way I write. I had a strech where I referenced A Clockwork Orange in something like six posts in a row.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Alright...these were slightly humorous. But what's with the movie line references in EVERY post?
PS. You're still a whiner.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see. Don't be late again or I will physically harm you, and to make matters worse, while you're in the hospital recovering from the severe beating, I'll steal your wife and run off to Europe.
--------------
I like the cut of Brian's jib...
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-01-20 11:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sure they're gonna offer to pay for your counseling soon... these are great.