I'm fucked (1224 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.5 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vomit (View user info) at 2005-01-22 11:13:10 EST
Well after lying to my girlfriend for about 3 months that I had quit smoking, she finally found a pack in my jacket. Oh yeah, she's pregnant...yes I lied repeatedly to my pregnant girlfriend. She had threatened to throw me out of the house and take me to court about the baby so I can never see him. Is there some way I can apologize to her, or should I just wait until the baby is born and then kill her? I'm open to anything.
User Reviews
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-15 17:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know from my own experiences with myself and people I'm involved with -- you CANNOT make someone quit. The person has to want to do it.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-15 17:06:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice to meet you.
She threatened to throw you out for smoking? Geezus, her hormones must be raging. Good luck vomit, you're going to need it.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-02-15 16:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DIE
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-24 08:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Siren.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-24 02:50:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
*care
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-24 02:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Easy guys...you're so mean sometimes.
You obviously car for her. If you care for yourself AND her AND the baby, maybe you should really stop. You are an individual, though. And I say do what makes you happy. The only thing that will make her happy is if you truly quit.
Submitted by DamianD (user info) at 2005-01-24 02:38:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SAD USELESS UGLY MOTHER FUCKER, COLLEGE GUY ID ABOUT HTE LITERATURE NOT THE CONTENT, UNTIL YOU CAN DO SOMETHING OF AN EQUAL QUALITY KEEP YOU FUCKING MOUTH SHUT YOU STUPID CUNT
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:02:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You tell him to be original, then you do to him THE SAME FUCKING THING as he did to you. clever.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-01-23 22:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
One name: Scott Peterson.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-23 21:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is Tigre the new IHAKF?
Submitted by dethcow (user info) at 2005-01-23 21:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why wait until the baby is born?
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How the fuck did this make most heated....christ.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Something like maybe..."you sleazy vat of musty knob cheese."
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How about a decent insult for once Tigre? You're about as fucking original as Schlongy.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Die Nameless.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
nigger
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
head
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fucking
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
retarded
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
from
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oozes
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
that
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
matter
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
brain
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
curb
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
the
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
against
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
skull
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
beat
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
would
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I
Submitted by dinojr345 (user info) at 2005-01-23 12:07:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Rob a bank and go to a state prison. Then you can smoke have sex all you want without worrying about getting anyone pregnant.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-23 10:52:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm fucking loving this advice so far.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-23 10:47:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahem,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Thank you.
Submitted by Brianthetruthspeaker (user info) at 2005-01-23 10:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why marry her?
Is the kid even yours?
How can she throw you out of your own mother's basement?
If the kid is yours, take responsibility and pay child support.
Submitted by johnnyclubmasterson (user info) at 2005-01-23 10:42:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're clearly a fucking idiot. Bush is against abortion. For your information, I really did vote for Bush, Rad. Happy?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-23 10:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
johnnyclub definately voted for Bush.
Submitted by johnnyclubmasterson (user info) at 2005-01-23 10:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why not kill the unborn baby with a louiseville slugger.
There's two perks:
1.You dont have to waste money on a child you'd probably beat, therefore no worries about the ensuing vengance the child would inflict when you are an old man.
2. You make that whore suffer.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-01-23 01:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For fucks sake man ,what are you a man or a mouse?get your hand off your dick and smack the slut.Or put a dress on!
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-23 01:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking sweet situation you got yourself into there bucko.
Marry her dad and eat the baby. It's the only choice.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-01-22 21:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to your balls?
Did she still them too?
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-01-22 21:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate opening a post & only finding a tiny blurb about how idiotic the author is.....
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-01-22 20:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Funny...
Your girlfriend had a post with that same title three months ago...
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-01-22 17:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kill her and make it look like an accident.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-22 15:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is this?
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2005-01-22 13:28:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're fucked.
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2005-01-22 13:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Since when did order-taking scared little men like you earn the right to reproduce?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-22 12:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Kill her? Kill yourself. You're too fucking stupid to contribute to society...or to Uber, for that matter.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-01-22 12:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I hope this is a joke but I think the girl is over reacting about the smoking thing, Just apologize and honestly give up this time. Get some nicorrete gum or those patch things to help kick the addiction.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-22 12:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hope +2ing my post helped. here's +2 more because i didn't think you'd actually do it. what a guy!
Submitted by FreshPrince (user info) at 2005-01-22 12:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You quit smoking, take her to a romantic dinner and fuck the shit out of her...
Oh ya, watch out for the fetus
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:56:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN
BBIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH
Grow some fucking balls, you asshat.
Submitted by Johnathan_Brains (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope that you're an alter, because you come off as an absolute moron.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:49:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you could give up smoking? ... or ditch her, obviously.
Submitted by tha_rusty_1 (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:42:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
tell her to shut the fuck up, slap her, and throw it in her ass.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"...and now she understands."
Best way to get that pregnant bitch in line is to force her to have an abortion, then she'll know who's boss. YOU.
Oh, and -2 for having kids.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If she's gonna force you to quit smoking you should never have started a family with her. I hate women who try to change you. If you wanted to quit smoking it should be for you not for her.
I quit... My missus got all proud and stuff. Then I lapsed and had one. I told her about it, she got all mad so I slapped her in the face, and now she understands.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I'm not a stupid fucking ignorant American, so no I didn't vote for that retard.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:25:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
quite a pickle you're in, vomit. my advice probably won't be any good, but here goes.
1) get religious
2) name a star after her
3) +2 my posts
best of luck with all that, man.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Cut your dick off in penance for reproducing. Idiocy is genetic, and we need less of you in this world. You probably voted for Bush too, eh?
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:22:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The eminem thing sounds good...doesn't the bitch live though?
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
www.grouphug.us
Submitted by gabrielpm (user info) at 2005-01-22 11:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Marry her, and reenact the eventful family life of Eminem.