Can You Guess Who I Am? (743 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jayjonze <crazfool003.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-22 22:04:33 EST
While it may seem easy to be a rich white kid, its not. My days are a struggle. The following is a quck outline of my day:
7:30AM- My Daddy wakes me up. This is possibly the most terrifying part of my day. Imagine Skeletor dressed up in a Peter Pan outfit waking you up every morning by dry humping your face. It really sucks.
7:45AM- My sister and I eat breakfast. I eat cherrios. My sister eats toast. My dad eats his "special" soup. Its special because my dads friends make it for him. Sometimes when I go to the bathroom at night, I can hear them making it. It must be hard work too. The other night I when I was listening all I could hear was grunting and heavy breathing. But when they are about to get done you know it. Yes!! Ooooh!!! Ahhhh!! Daddy yells. Thats when you know its done. One time I found Daddy's special soup on my face. He said he had some on his lips when he kissed me good night, I think he spilled it though because it was all over the place.
8:15AM- Bath Time. My dad and I take our morning bath. We take baths together so we get extra clean. My dad gets sick real easy so we need to be extra clean. First I wash daddy then daddy washes me. I wash with my hands but my dad washes with his "magic wand." I have to keep my eyes closed when daddy washes me so I don't get any soap in my eyes. After that Daddy goes into his room for a few minutes and gets ready. He says he is getting ready but it sound like he is making soup. Man, does he love that soup.
9:00AM- Daddy, My Sister and I go out. But before we go we all have to put on our masks. I put on my feather mask, and so does my sister. My dad wears a surgical mask though. It looks kinda funny but it keeps him from getting sick. The doctor says it keeps his face from falling off.
9:30AM- We all go shopping. When we go shopping the whole store closes down!! Daddy says its because we are special. I think its because daddy is scared of black people. As it turns out daddy used to be black but he grew out of that.
11:00AM- Bath Time again
11:30AM- Lunch: Lunch is the same as breakfast except Daddy eats a puppy. My sister and I have sandwiches.
12:00PM- Play Time! This is when we play in the yard. Daddy has lots of animals that live in the yard. He used to have a Monkey. Unfortunatley, it died one day when Daddy and him were making soup. Somehow the monkey choked.
2:00PM- Friend Time!! We have all of our friends over. We play games, sing, and run around like idiots. Daddy just sits in the corner with his hands in his pockets and practices his hand dancing. Hand dancing is when you move your hands around in your pockets really fast or really slow. Sometimes when he is hand dancing, daddy gets all sweaty and it sounds like he is making soup! Daddy loves to dance!
4:00PM- Bath Time
5:00PM- Daddy, my sister and I usually go out to dinner. They don't close the resturant down though. They should though. Every time we go out people mess daddys name up. They yell to him "Hey Freak", "Whats up psyco?", or "Look its that Pedophile!" It can be really annoying.
6:00PM- We go home and watch TV. Daddy doesn't let us watch the news though, he says that they tell scary stories on it. One time I watched the news and daddy was on it. It was wierd though, there were just pictures of Daddy and these guys who came over our house one time. They came in and stole all of Daddy's videos and pictures. Daddy says that they did it because one of our friends was bad and talked to his Mom and Dad about when Daddy makes soup.
7:00PM- We all go to bed. Every night Daddy tells us the story about how he gave birth to us and how we never had a mommy. He tells us how much he loves us and then he lays next to me until I fall asleep. Then he goes and makes some soup....
User Reviews
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-24 12:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have to keep my eyes closed when daddy washes me so I don't get any soap in my eyes."
Well, duh, that stuff really hurts. Even more than soup.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-01-23 20:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blanket
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:12:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for this....
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:06:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
This post Sucks
Its not the worst
But if sucking was a Race
You'd come in First
If I died tonight
It would be ok
At least I never wrote something
This Fucking Gay
----------------------
At least mine Rhymes
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-23 14:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Frank Stallone?
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2005-01-23 14:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i only read the last line about bedtime, and that's all i needed. mj.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-23 12:08:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You're you of course.
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2005-01-23 12:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-01-23 11:42:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You are that guy from that place that did that stuff when all those people were around and fell onto that thing that one time, right?
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-01-23 03:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...Mom?
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-01-23 02:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
McCauley Culkin?
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-01-23 01:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh.... is it... uh...... George W. Bush?
Submitted by smoke_in_my_lungs (user info) at 2005-01-22 23:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Regis Philbin!
Or Gary Cooper...
Submitted by Titan (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:24:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
.. the product of a back-seat grope and a broken prophilatic ?
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:23:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah figured it was michael jackson.
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dad?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jebus, people, it's our very own Michael Jackson!
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
prince micheal jackson the second
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:15:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha.. MJ.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
pennywise the clown?
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're Dennis Rodman! actually i don't know.
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy hellfire fuck yeah
awesome
bruce willis, right?
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:09:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I really lost interest in this shortly after I started....
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-01-22 22:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no clue.