Journal of a Misunderstood Pirate. (1068 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.56 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by screamfeeder (View user info) at 2005-01-23 15:26:11 EST
This is the Livejournal of Dunkenclap Bartholomew-Octaves Alderman III, The Loneliest Scuttlebutt ever to Sail the Porcelain Seas.
Current mood: Vivacious
Currently listening: Drowning ~ Dashboard Confessional
God I need to get the hell out of the Caribbean. I feel stifled here. I think my creative juices will really start to flow once we sail the good ship "Disillusionment" back to Europe. Those people got more style than all of the wannabes' here. Too much "Yearg!" this and "Avast!" that for me here. Plus these people cannot dress to save their lives.
Maybe once I get back to London I can finally catch a few good shows too. The bands here are terrible. I mean its one thing to be retro, but I swear I went to a show in Puerto Verona last week and the lead singer was actually wearing a fucking hat with the Jolly Roger on it. WTF! If he had bothered to check out "My Booty Dies For You" (Who TOTALLY kick ass and you guys should ALL go see them next time they go on tour) then he would have known that do-rags are where it's fucking at. I swear these people act like barbarians just to piss me off.
Speaking of pissing me off, Captain Kidd (the elitist prick) tried to board this Dutch Galleon that I was already all over! I mean come the fuck on! It's not enough that he gets his own fucking building in Port Last; he also has to come and steal my shit! Then to top it off he wrote about me in his Myspace journal and told everyone that I cried! Now I have a bunch of people making fun of me over there. I swear to fucking Christ if he does this shit one more time I will go fucking BlackBeard on his ass. Just as soon as my ship gets fixed and my crew stops partying.
Good news is I think the serving wench at Bermuda finally noticed me! At least I hope so. After the breakup with Jessica I was about to sail to her home port, put on my best pantaloons and simultaneously walk the plank while slicing concentric circles on my arms. She probably would have taken me back after that. Too bad I would be dead. Sometimes I think that is all there is left for me.
"You never know the darkness until you lie beneath it.
All of this might not fade.
Being denied her love is a metaphor for death.
Fill my dreams; sing me something soft and sweet."
I just wrote that for her.
Anyway, I am setting up a PayPal account because my ship is in dire need of repairs. I crashed it last week because my fucking helmsman is a junkie. I should learn not to hire people like that, but he was my friend back in Spain and he makes me laugh. *sigh*
If I knew that I wouldn't get so much crap from the crew I would go back to being Vegan and sXe. But it's kind of hard when all we have left to eat are rats and all there is too do is drink the rotten belly-wash these animals bring back on board. IT'S SO UNFAIR! I never wanted to do this shit! But nooooooo. Dad was a pirate, his dad was a pirate so I just have to suck it up and swash some fucking buckles. WTF does that even MEAN!!! I mean when you are 24 years old and can't even grow a shitty Spanish mustache, I think that's the Almighty's way of telling you, "Hey Asscake, you suck being a pirate!"
Well I am off for the night. I have to head back to Mexico with this load of linen I got off that English Sloop. Maybe I can make some kickass new shirts with it before we sell it all. I have this great design I came up with. A Jolly Roger, but with black hair, a lip ring and maybe a dove tattoo on its neck. I think it's totally cool and haven't seen anything like it before. Donate to my paypal and I will try and hook you up with a shirt!
That's all I've got for now, maybe something cool will happen soon and I'll be able to post something interesting for once, but then again probably not.
~DB-OA III
User Reviews
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-14 03:09:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Arrr! Methinks she has scurvy, arr. Twas no pirate, twas me own seester.
What? It was a Mexican pirate.
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I wanna fuck a dog in the ass...
Dee dumm dumm dee... dumm..
Submitted by ilovepoopers (user info) at 2005-02-14 02:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-02-03 17:41:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Arrr! Methinks she has scurvy, arr. Twas no pirate, twas me own seester.
What? It was a Mexican pirate.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-01-27 21:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR!!! U GIV SOJ T.T?!?! KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEKE
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-01-23 22:45:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ninjas are way better. Sorry, but they just are.
***
The man's got a point.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-25 16:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Asspirate.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-01-24 11:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rockin
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-01-24 11:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love fake blogs.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ninjas got NOTHING on pirates.
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck ninjas.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-01-23 22:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ninjas are way better. Sorry, but they just are.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-01-23 22:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, i like you
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-23 21:37:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yarrr. Awesome.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-01-23 17:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"WTF does that even MEAN!!!"
---
He's probably misunderstood because he follows questions with 3 exclamation points instead of a question mark. Refreshing post, thank thee good sir pirate.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:00:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Gave that up in collage peach.
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Your booty still shivers me timbers, Screamie
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My nigga.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Copies of the video that I absolutely WILL NOT be making?
Hell yes, woman. 10 bucks plus S&H
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:01:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET!!!!! Hot boy on boy action... Mr. Cancer... Screamie... I volunteer my bedroom for your illicit tryst. Don't mind that little red blinking light. It certainly isn't a camera. Not at all.
CAN I GET COPIES?
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I gave up spelling college correctly too apparently.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 16:00:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gave that up in collage peach.
Err I mean, fuck that fag shit, I got me a new monster truck with a M50 machine gun on the hood and the Corona girls painted on the doors!
YEEEHAAAAAAWWW!!!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:57:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET!!!!! Hot boy on boy action... Mr. Cancer... Screamie... I volunteer my bedroom for your illicit tryst. Don't mind that little red blinking light. It certainly isn't a camera. Not at all.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:55:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooooh, screamfeeder, you're such a sexy pirate.
You'll have to come back to my place and show me your peg leg one of these days. If ya know what I mean.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At least I am assuming with forensicgirl3. I require boob pictures to know for sure.
AWAAAAAAAY
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
3 lovely ladies.
3 +2's.
I may be onto something here.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha! Loved it, thanks! Yes, pirates and da bomb-biggety, baby!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YARGH!!! Your booty shivers me timbers, arrrrrrrrrr!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-23 15:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pirates always get +2's.
Always.