My "I was detained" story for when everone is telling thier "I was Detained" stories (825 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.71 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nissa F. <the_homer_simpson.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-23 18:32:37 EST
I have been pulled over once in my life, for going 13 over in a 30. I am not sure whether I talked my way out of it or I just got lucky or what, but I got off. I have a 4.0, and have never been in trouble with anything.
I was driving my friend Zachary home last night at about 12:30 pm. All the roads are slick and it is about 10 degrees F. Zachary lives in a sketchy neighborhood, not really known for drugs, but for robberies. I dropped him off, then circled around the block to get back on Third Street toward White Bear Avenue. I take a right where I thought I was supposed to, but then realized, SHIT! This is not where I need to be. I was circling, u-turning and such until I was hopelessly lost. I pulled over, locked my doors, turned off my lights (left my parking lights on) to look at a map. Too bad I wasn't near a street sign.
I tried calling my friend Zach, but he didn't answer his phone. I pulled up the half block, like 9 feet, to look at the street sign, and looked at my map. Ah-Hah! Ok, Just take a right to get on White Bear again, no wait it doesn't connect. I see Cops' lights. I wasn't doing anything. I had been driving all but a block. I pull over calmly and get my insurance shit out and look in my giant purse for my license. I am shaking too much and can't see inside it. I search my front seat and can't find it. I look under my text books, the Cop knocks on my window, and I roll it down. He flashes the light right in my eyes and asks me for my license and registration. I have my registration, but I can't find my wallet anywhere. He asked me to get out of my car and then he starts dearching me. At the time, I am scared shitless and near crying and he says,
"I am just searching you for my own protection."
I never thought I could use the show COPS as an education video: what he is doing is legit. He asks me,
"Where are you coming from?"
"I'm just dropping my friend off from Roseville. I mean, he lives here, but we were in Roseville and now I'm going home."
"You didn't have anyone with you."
"I already dropped him off, and I was lost so I pulled----"
"I didn't see anyone with you."
"He lives on forest and third, I mean, I already dropped him off."
"There is a bar on Forest and third, missy."
Both me and the cop were telling the truth. My friend actually lives off of third, but you take a left on forest. I was so nervous I knew I wasn't making any sense. My cell phone went off, and by habit I reached in my pocket to answer it. I know better: the cop put his hand on his gun and then grabbed my hand.
"Never, EVER reach into your pocket in front on me, missy."
"O-ok-ok."
He proceeded to cuff me and put me in the squad car. Once in there, I realized...I was in the back of a squad car. My cell phone was still ringing, too bad I was in cuffs. The cop was in the front seat and was still asking me questions,
"What are you really doing in this neighborhood, why did you stop?"
"I was dropping my friend off, then I got lost. I live off White Bear and I got lost."
"Why did you stop the car and turn off your lights right in front of me."
"I went to get a map, I was reading a map, then I pulled forward to look for a street sign."
"Ok. Are you aware this is a high drug and crime area?"
"No, I was dropping my friend off and I got lost."
"Why don't you have you license?"
"I don't know. I had it, I just can find it, should be in my purse, but it may be on my front seat,
or it could be on the floor cause it fell."
It was at this point where I started to calm down a little bit and realize that I was sounding like the hicks on COPS.
"What's your name, missy?"
"Vanessa"
"Ok...your full name."
"Vanessa Diane Fortier. F-O-R-T-I-E-R."
"Ok...Address."
"Do you want my legal address or where I am living?"
"What does it say on your liscense, Vanessa?"
"My legal address."
"Ok, and that is..."
"10555 Black Street NW, Coon---" He interrupts me:
"Vanessa, have you been doing any drugs tonight, or drinking?"
"No, I mean, I had some coffee."
"Tell me."
"No, I swear, sober sally!" (I am such an idiot 'sober sally'?)
"You are going to have to take a B.A.C test"
I proceeded to take the test. I passed: 0.000. Take that, officer Dickhead. He looks at my eyes with the flashlight and I fall over. That's right. I fell straight over. I lost my balance, tried to catch myself (hard to do with cuffs and an icy street) and fall. He picks me up and calls for backup. I try to say sorry. He puts me in the back of the squad and says,
"Are you sure you are totally sober right now? No meth, crack, pot, anything?"
"No. I swear. I don't know why I fell." (I do, I am a dumbass)
"Do you mind if I search your car?" (I DO mind)
"Yeah, sure go ahead."
"You give me permission to search your car?"
"If you want." He gives me a dirty look and goes into my car. His ass is sticking out. I am still a little nervous, but not nervous enough to make some humor out of the situation: fat ass cop with his fat ass ass sticking out of his car. Another cop approaches him. They talk for a minute and the new cop comes to my car. I re-explain why I am here, how I am sober and...well, I like this dude a whole hell of a lot better. He searched me again, then takes the cuffs off me, and then tells me to go back into the squad car, if I want. (It is freezing out) I do. I watch the cops search my car for another few minutes (It is now 1:23 am, I remember this) They let me out of the squad car and the fat cop says,
"We didn't find anything in your car...but we found your wallet in your purse. Why are you way out here if you live in Coon Rapids?"
What a fucking dumbass? Didn't I explain to him already? Legal address?
"No, I am staying at my Grandmothers."
"Address?"
"69 Darling St, Saint Paul."
"Ok. Go back to your car, we are just going to scan your license and check for warrants, Vanessa, do you have any warrants I need to know about?"
"No."
I wait in my car. The cool cop drives away, and shortly after, the fat ass cop comes to my window:
"Ok, Vanessa, here is your registration, your license, and I am giving you a ticket for driving without lights on."
I am pissed. I decide to argue pointlessly.
"Sir, I was lost and I was driving a half-- ten feet to see the sign to read a map."
"Laws are laws, sorry. Have a nice night."
"Sir..."
"I'm sorry; I could also give you a ticket for parking illegally. You were parked during a snow emergency."
"Oh, well I wasn't parked, my breaks were on." This was bordering on smart-ass.
"Uh-huh. Good night."
All of this and I was still fucking lost.
User Reviews
Submitted by project_nessa (user info) at 2005-01-25 00:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nope, no family in virginia beach. just me and my grandma here in saint paul.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-24 10:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff... I got detained once, that was my fault though. With hilarious results of course...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45873
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-01-24 09:55:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That sucks, but we've all been there.
You dont have family that lives near Virginia Beach do you? I had a fortier as a roommate in college.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh well.
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-01-23 22:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
creep_firebombing : I stand corrected.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-23 21:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was driving my friend Zachary home last night at about 12:30 pm."
If it was 12:30pm then it was the middle of the day and you shouldn't have needed your lights.
And it's "menace", not "menice" Precision.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-01-23 19:08:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:41:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I have a digital camera sitting on my dash at ALL time that I turn on when I get pulled over.
Just say, "Officer, before you say anything, it is my duty to inform you that my car is under video and audio surveillance for my protection."
Some of them get pissy but they would NEVER try and pull that shit.
Now lets see some boobs.
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You get pulled over THAT much? Damn, I though my exwife was a menice on the road.
You got a ticket for no lights, probably because they have a "policy" that if they stop you, they WILL give a ticket for something, just to cover their asses.
Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cops suck somtimes hehe
link whore http://clicktoexit.net
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I have a digital camera sitting on my dash at ALL time that I turn on when I get pulled over.
Just say, "Officer, before you say anything, it is my duty to inform you that my car is under video and audio surveillance for my protection."
Some of them get pissy but they would NEVER try and pull that shit.
Now lets see some boobs.