Who would win in a fight: a Midget or a Retard? (2654 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.31 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (View user info) at 2005-01-23 23:53:17 EST
read on to find out...
True story:
I picked up Sue and Lou at BWI airport around 9, and we got to NW DC around 10. We all grab our bags, and head up 15th street towards Columbia.
After approximately 15 seconds of walking, we are distracted by what appears to be a drunk man, as inhibited by Down Syndrome as he is by alcohol. It turns out the man was a carrier of an extra chromosome, and drunk.
Can you imagine anything funnier than a drunk retard?
No. I certainly could not have, if you had asked me a week ago. But today, I do know what is funnier.
Drunk Retard is slurring his retarded words, and talking shit to what appears to be a child passing by. 'wow, thats not something you see every day,' I say to myself.
Then I notice it - the large head, the absence of parents, it is not a child on the receiving end of Drunk Retard's rage, it is a midget. A fired up midget. Getting egged on by a Drunk Retard.
Fired Up Midget breaks out in a sprint, and when he is 2 feet away from Drunk Retard, he leaps into the air, ala Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. A haymaker connects with Drunk Retard's face, and he is stunned.
As well all know, Retards are possessors of incredible strength, but they lack reflexes, coordination, mental accuity, and social skills. It was the lack of reflexes that hurt Drunk Retard in this Mutant Melee.
Fired Up Midget is screaming and jumping and punching, and Drunk Retard's pathetic attempts at counterpunches are missing by miles.
We stare with japs agape. I want to help, but Sue stops me - "its dangerous timmy," she says.
Fair enough.
Drunk Retard falls down, and is treated to a boot to the face, curtousy of Fired up Midget.
We hurry out of there, careful not to incur Fired Up Midget's wrath, although in a fight, I would most certainly punt the shit of that little fucker.
We get to my friend's house, and share our tale with the world. We called everybody.
It was glorious.
In a fight between a Midget and a Drunk Retard, my money is on the Midget every time.
I still can't believe I saw a Midget kick the shit out of a Retard. It blows my mind that this actually happened. My life is complete. I can die a happy man.
Wow.
User Reviews
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-05-02 21:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I have a shizophrenic personality who happens to know of Ubersite and is named MyNameIsTim. Because a week ago, I flew to BWI, took a train into DC, and saw two homeless guys (I believe the new PC term is street people) fight. AND he was at the same DKM show as I was.
TIM, ARE YOU ME? I need to know!
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-02 20:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We stare with japs agape."
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Where do you find Japs that are agape?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-22 14:31:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you'd had pictures, I think I would have founded a new religion with you as the prophet.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-22 14:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:55:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
DOWN'S SYNDROME != MENTAL RETARDATION YOU INSENSITIVE CUNT
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot about this!
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-01-25 08:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as shit, mate. Still laughing about it now... but what really put me over the edge, you know, like "laugh so hard you nearly shit yourself" was the slang terms for the littles and crayon-brains by various reviewers: mongo, mini, ree-ree... wholeheartedly entertaining.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-25 08:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A retarded miget.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-25 08:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ree ree's can be unusually strong.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-24 22:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck that, the title was worth it.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-24 22:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thats good to know, i wouldn't want to insult anybody.
its funny because its true.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-01-24 20:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not insulted, just felt like giving it a -2. Hell, you couldn't offend me if you tried. You'd just end up offending yourself so badly, you'll start crying.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-01-24 20:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The mini's got my money any day.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-24 19:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Who would win in a fight: a Midget or a Retard?"
You would, Tim.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-01-24 19:13:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-24 10:19:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm surprised so many people are insulted by this.
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It's Uber. People are insulted by anything.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-24 12:30:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That's a tough one. Ask fuckface. I'm sure he's had his ass kicked a couple of times. By midgets.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-24 12:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"ala Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out" - classic! :)
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-01-24 11:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"We stare with japs agape."
Wow, I'm wondering how you mixed up the "w" and the "p". There so far apart from each other on the keyboard...
I'm betting on the non-drunk ree-ree.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-24 10:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice debate
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-24 10:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm surprised so many people are insulted by this.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-24 09:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got my money on a SOBER mongo over a midget any day.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-24 09:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
kickass dewd
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-01-24 07:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
without the liquer you got to give a straight fight to a mental deficient. If you were to look it up, I'm sure you would find more slow guys on death row than little people.
List of Badass mentally retarded people:
1. The guy from sling blade.
2. lenny from "of mice and men"
3. the lawnmower man (yeah, he didn't kill until after he pumped up his brain power, but it's obvious he had the potential considering what happened).
4. forest gump. who knows how many viet cong he took out; he was a whiz with a rifle.
5. rocky.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-24 05:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A little harsh, but still funny.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-24 04:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-01-24 04:29:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah!
I used to LIVE there. *proud smile*
_____________
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
*rereads that comment*
BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
You're getting a +2 just because that comment was on this post.... it was the proud smile bit that did it. I cannot stop laughing.. I love this woman's reviews.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-01-24 04:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah!
I used to LIVE there. *proud smile*
Submitted by ssj4yamcha (user info) at 2005-01-24 04:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
not so much interested in you "dying a happy man"... more so in you just dying now.
-2 for life. (and death)
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-01-24 02:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The retard would have won if you were not using all of the retard power.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i've actually never thought of that
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The midget wouldn't have a chance, I would so kick it's ass if we got in a fight.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
...
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm speechless.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-01-24 00:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it has something to do with the reason small dogs are so damn angry.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fired Up Midget breaks out in a sprint, and when he is 2 feet away from Drunk Retard, he leaps into the air, ala Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out
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it was like Jordan dunking from the foul line.
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:57:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's funny shit. Mostly because I have made this bet before and the retard won. The midget was a sissy, and the sped kid wasn't drunk, it actually happened at school.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-01-23 23:55:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DOWN'S SYNDROME != MENTAL RETARDATION YOU INSENSITIVE CUNT