If conversations could kill - Strange Love (3) (1877 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Smurfs (View user info) at 2005-01-25 12:19:06 EST
I like to think I'm not shallow. That I could grow to love anyone, learn to see their inner beauty, entwine myself in my soul mate.
But as a friend neatly summed it up last year, slurred over a table littered in bottles, 'Mike, you'll never be with a girl who doesn't look good on your arm.'
Maybe she's right, perhaps at times, ...upon occasion... rarely, once in a blue moon... I'll overlook personality for long blonde hair, legs that don't stop and an ass I can bounce a quarter off.
Perhaps.
It happens so so so rarely I can't even be sure.
But say it does?
Case Study 3:
Lauren
Beautiful Southern girl with a hint of a Cajun accent that only crept out when she got excited. Long blonde hair (dyed) layered and frosted, impressively physique (a size and a half of saline), a stomach taken off a '15-minute abs' video and a dazzling smile that lit up a room (capped and bleached). The kind of girl where heads turn when you walk into a bar and you don't need a reservation to go anywhere. Guys buy you drinks to talk to her friends and you wonder why she's bothering to slum with you.
Oh, and there was something about her being a hardliner conservative Republican who was president of the Pro-Life club of our college.
Something like that.
1) Love and Convenience.
'You don't believe in what?' I was astonished.
'Love.'
'Don't you believe in God?'
Yes.
But... isn't that Love? All God is is Love. You are talking to someone studying and thoroughly enjoying metaphysics right now.
I love God, but I don't think people can love each other.
What about marriage?
All marriage is is convenience.
What?
People get married because it is convenient. They get along; don't piss each other off much. Same social circles-
Not cause they actually like each other of course?
Of course they like each other, but there doesn't have to be love. There usually isn't.
Remind me never to marry you.
Okay.
2) To Sex or Not to Sex
'Abortion is morally wrong and life starts at conception.'
My jaw drops and I think I might have fainted. We are naked in her bed. 'We can't even approach the 'morning after' pill then, which if taken within seventy-two hours of sexual intercourse interferes with the release of eggs from the ovary or with fertilization. Ovulation, incubation, lack of menstruation... no, no, no, no, no, no, no.'
'Abortion is morally wrong and life starts at conception.'
'Birth Control? A daily dosage of synthetic hormones (mainly estrogen and progesterone) that that prevent ovulation, decrease the likelihood of implantation in the uterus and thicken the mucus of the cervix, dropping the chance that the sperm even gets near the egg. Nice three-pronged defense?'
Pope Paul VI, 1968. To clarify the Church's stance in the wake of the sexual Revolution issued his encyclical letter Humanae Vitae, reemphasizing the teaching that it is intrinsically wrong to use contraception to prevent new human beings from coming into existence. Contraception is "any action which, either in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible"
Nice quote.
Well, I am president of the pro-life club.
God?
God.
I could have more easily accepted: weight gain, nausea, headaches, depression, change in intensity of sexual desire, vaginitis and vaginal discharge, urinary tract infection, changes in menstrual flow, breast changes, skin problems and gum inflammation.
You choke on that mouthful, but can't understand life begins at conception?
If that's true how come their aren't billions of babies roaming about the landfills and sewers from the used tissues of lonely high school boys? ...Or maybe there are! Ahhhh.
Shutup. I'm serious.
Well, I am too. We might want to prepare... I've heard some of these kids whack it like five times a day. I wonder if they'll have to pay child support?
You're retarded.
I'm sorry, but what place do I have to tell a woman that she's having my kid?
You're the father!
She has to carry it for nine months! If she wants to have it I'll support it! The term is Pro-Choice. Not Pro-Death. You seem to forget that.
Did you know that twenty weeks in the baby can feel pain? The Christian Coalition is pushing the "Unborn Child Pain Awareness Act" which would require a doctor to inform the mother and offer the option of anesthesia.
That's retarded, and you can't expect to win any argument but referencing that group of right wing terrorists. They support the assholes who protest abortion clinics, and probably help fund the people who go after the doctors. It's the extremists who they sympathize with that are making life so difficult for the woman who are unable to carry the child to term.
Someone has to do it.
...I guess we aren't having sex tonight, huh?
Not unless you want a kid.
Nah, but I'd proudly walk you to the clinic tomorrow.
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/57051 - Cuddling Crustaceans - Strange Love (1)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57246 - The safety word is... 'Soap' - Strange Love (2)
User Reviews
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-02-17 16:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-30 11:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Prostitute, but if they want it, better than I give it to him me, before they look for it in the street?
Submitted by siervua (user info) at 2005-01-30 11:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-30 11:04:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-30 10:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-01-29 04:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved It,well written ,and true.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-29 04:18:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh... abortion. I have no opinion so no one can argue with me... Evar.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-29 03:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-25 12:47:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
And you let that go?
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-01-29 02:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate Pro-Life Assholes. They seriously piss me off.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smurfs rocks
Submitted by Shagabah_Jones (user info) at 2005-01-26 02:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
strangelove? yeah, i'll bet you and your friends are into that - 'strange-love'. yeah, you and all your friends.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-26 02:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was odd to read, but i liked the story in general so +2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Difficult, (if only you knew), but worthwhile.
-Dave
Submitted by Allicat (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-25 13:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well versed
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-25 13:08:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey . . . is the title an STP reference? If so, the +2s are no longer on credit.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-01-25 12:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was really hard to read, but here's a +2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-25 12:47:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And you let that go?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-25 12:26:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this +2 is on credit. I've enjoyed the voyeuristic thrills from the other posts in this series, but the politics in this one killed it for me. And that's only partly due to my disagreeing with your politics.
What you SHOULD have done, was take the Martin Luther route. Convince her to switch teams, then all that Papal stuff is irrelevant. Work smarter, not harder.