The worst fight I ever had with my penis. (845 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.87 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by yermom (View user info) at 2005-01-25 14:12:51 EST
Penis and I are pretty tight. The other night I was sitting around and I asked Penis if he wanted to look at some porn. I don't know if he was just in a bad mood or what but for the first time in my life my penis told me he didn't want to look at porn. Needless to say I was dumfounded.
"This has never happened before" I said, to which he replied
"Sure it has! Remember when you were all wasted and brought that fat chick home?"
"You got me there Penis, but I mean you've never told me you didn't want to look at porn it's completely unheard of."
Immediately I got very worried, this is a crisis of unimaginable magnitude. My penis has had some bad days, like that accident with the trimming shears or when he got stuck in the car door, but his attitude has always been bright and cheery, Penis is a fighter, and I needed to get to the bottom of this.
I asked "Penis, is there something wrong?"
To which he replied "No nothing's wrong."
That did it. "Penis, stop acting like a bitch and tell me what the problem is."
"You know damn well what the problem is. I need to get wet. It has to have been at least a week."
"Fuck you penis, we've gone through much worse stretches than that, fuck the first 16 years of life we got by on Victoria secret catalogs and Usenet porn alone."
"You're right."
"You're damn right I'm right. Besides, I'm going to see that sexy chick in D.C this weekend; you know you love your counterpart bajiner."
"Fuck that cunt I want her cousin the balloon knot"
"God damn it Penis you better watch your fucking self or I will choke the shit out of you."
"Stop being a bitch, you know you want some brown eye action"
"Well, I wouldn't mind, but you quit your bitching you fucking cock you'll take what you get and like it"
Then Penis started tearing up, I could tell he was really upset.
"I'm sorry penis, just for you I'll slip her the shocker, if all goes well, maybe you can get a little brown eye action. How's that sound?"
"Do you mean it? You're the best! You want to look at some anal porn?"
"Anything is better that those nasty bukake movies you seem to enjoy so much."
"I love you Penis"
"I love you too."
And that is the story of the biggest fight my penis and I ever had.
User Reviews
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-02-01 20:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you and your penis hug afterward?
Submitted by okokididitbutiwasdrunk (user info) at 2005-02-01 20:13:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Homer: No TV and No Beer Make Homer ... something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!
Treehouse of Horror V
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
at least it was a happy ending
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-25 22:08:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:17:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha! mine can't talk. but we do have a complex form of sign language.
This made me laugh.
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Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"Fuck that cunt I want her cousin the balloon knot"
"God damn it Penis you better watch your fucking self or I will choke the shit out of you."
"Stop being a bitch, you know you want some brown eye action"
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-25 22:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:17:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha! mine can't talk. but we do have a complex form of sign language.
This made me laugh.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-25 21:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
U.S. President GLALL orders you to sit in your room with your penis and let it talk for a few hours about the real problems you two have been having lately.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 18:36:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I think your penis might have been "on the rag".
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-01-25 15:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
your penis is a bitch
Submitted by mazman23 (user info) at 2005-01-25 15:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-01-25 15:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The worst fight I ever had with my penis
or
Yesterday's session of furious masturbation
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-01-25 15:09:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Props Teephphah, I never read it but I agree yours is better. Your story that is.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It was funnier when I did it.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33497
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A man and his penis. Has there ever been a more heartwarming story?
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:18:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why am I laughing??
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha! mine can't talk. but we do have a complex form of sign language.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-01-25 14:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Got some news, you're gay.