Retards + Van Gogh = Lose (581 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.27 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adona (View user info) at 2005-01-25 17:03:35 EST
The Van Gogh exhibit is at the High Art Museum of Atlanta. I like Van Gogh, and I like art. Winning combination.
I left early and drive to metro Atlanta. Traffic wasn't so bad, but it wasn't great. My two best friends are with me, we're giggling about nothing in particular. I try to explain to them where the quote, "I want to fingerfuck your fat rolls." came from, but they aren't buying it. Bastards.
We park and get into the museum, and after maybe a half an hour buying tickets and waiting in line, we were up at the main exhibit. All the paintings are covered with a thin sheet of glass, so as not to ruin them by people touching them or breathing on them. It's understandable, and we lean in close to examine the particular painting.
"Great artwork, isn't it?"
My best friends and I turn our heads in unison to see a middle-aged, balding man in a purple shirt grinning like a retard. We instinctively back away, knowing in our hearts that if given half a chance this man will rape us. I nod a little, and looking hurt, he wanders away. A sigh of relief from the three of us, and we turn back to the painting.
"GET AWAY!"
I blink and look up to see a squat man waddling towards us, strings of drool oozing out of his mouth. "NO TOUCH PAINTING!" He moans, looking to be on the verge of tears. He swings his baton wildly, and his name badge catches the light; Dewey, it reads. One of my friends pokes me in the back and mutters "retard" before walking away. I'm all alone, now, facing Down's Syndrome Dewey. I take a few steps away and his face lights up like I had just taken my top off. "TANK YOU!" He grins, and waddles away. I sigh with relief for the second time in ten minutes and move on to see Van Gogh's 'The Cafe Terrace.' It's lovely, and as I lean in I notice no glass on the painting.
Hmmm...
I had to do it, I realize now. I never could of lived with myself if I hadn't.
I touched the painting.
I smiled with a content satisfaction as I did so, and brought my finger down, my eyes closed, savoring the feeling. I opened them and happened to glance down at my hand. Blue and yellow paint flecks...how odd....
I blinked and looked up to face the inevitable. There, in the middle of Van Gogh's famous painting, was a blatant fingerprint where the canvas shone threw. I choked a little, and glanced over my shoulder to see Dewey pointing at me and howling. I bolted. He waddled.
I had ruined a Van Gogh painting and gotten chased by a retard in the same day.
User Reviews
Submitted by KillWomen (user info) at 2005-02-28 19:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why would there not be glass over a priceless Van Gogh painting, you stupid cunt?
Submitted by WheresWally (user info) at 2005-02-28 19:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I recon your full of shit mate
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So what you are saying is that, you just happened to stumble on the only painting not covered by a glass sheet. Never mind million dollar security systems, that painting only needs one guard to protect it, which just happened to be a retard.
They let a retard guard priceless pieces of art.
Just let that last sentence sink in.
Shenanigans!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 18:35:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That's mean. Picking on retards , I mean.
Going to see a Van Gogh exhibit is just gay.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-01-25 18:20:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, the whole retards-are-funny thing wasn't enough to carry this story. And if you're saying that even a retard knew better than to touch a painting then, uhh..
-2 die.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:08:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't believe you, and this sucks donkey rectum.
May God strike you and your family dead tonight.
Submitted by DarKain53 (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:08:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahaha....
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't believe you, and this sucks donkey rectum.
May God strike you and your family dead tonight.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
yea ok
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.... retards always get a +2 in my book.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-01-25 17:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so gay.