Warning: Stoned, bored mumbling newbie advice (991 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.23 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FelizJBirth (View user info) at 2005-01-25 18:56:53 EST
Well, I've only been really using Ubersite for a month or so and I think I've gained some perspective on what this site is really about to anyone thinking about posting. I've got nothing else to do, and since the point of my post is that you shouldn't care about -2s, I guess I'll take 'em.
My posts aren't particuarly good, I know that. In fact, at least one of them was simply me messing up an attachment. Regardless, if I was a professional writer I probably wouldn't be on Ubersite and you probably wouldn't either. Some of the criticism stung me at first since I'm not used to writing or posting things for people I don't know. However, I have come to realize that this is, in actuality, a good thing.
I see a lot of people posting for the first time, or even for the 20th time, and getting extremely upset about -2s, resulting in posts that are nothing but hate rants about other users who have -2d them... and the cycle of life continues.
If you want to post something that only gets positive reviews, then Ubersite is probably not for you. I can't think of any great creative work that was appreciated by 100% of the population. If you want to become a better writer, I think it's probably a good idea to figure out how to deal with criticism as soon as you can because real life is worse than Uber. (Or so I've read. On Uber.)
Here's a few ground rules I learned early on:
1) Attachments - pictures have to be .JPG or .GIF if you want it to appear on your post. Attachments in general can be of any format but only up to 1mb in size. If you want to link a video or anything too big to attach, you have to provide a link to where it's located. Try getting a free web site through geocities or something.
2) You will be humiliated - I doubt anyone on here hasn't been told at least once that they were going to be murdered, or perhaps, raped for their post(s). Learn to like the humiliation. Practice humiliating your pathetic self in front of the mirror. I personally like to butt cigarettes out on my tongue everytime I have a creative impulse. If I tell a joke, and noone laughs, I force myself to drink out of the toilet until I vomit, at which point, I eat the vomit, vomit it out, lick the vomit, take a crap, spit the vomit in my mouth into the toilet with my shit and then stick my head in the gigantic, disgusting heap of shitvomit for about 2 hours. After the 2 hours are up, I immediately pour piping hot coffee down my pants. After about a week of this routine, you should be able to take criticism of your posts more easily.
3) Posts that contain the word "shitvomit" will get nothing but +2s. Any post that contains said word is immune to all these rules.
4) Nobody cares about you because nobody knows you - If you have a personal story that's interesting to read, you'll probably get good reviews because interesting posts tend to get good reviews. A lot of the most interesting stuff on here is exactly that. However, if your post is something along the lines of:
"OMG!! im pregnint & i havent told my boyfrend yet what should i do????? LOL, I DONT EVAN NO IF ITS HIZ!!! p.s. herez my pic, everyone email me at sexybitch69.at.fuckmail.com with your asl so we can cyber!"
,see rule #2. First though, you should probably get hooked on phonics. Not just because you'll get bad reviews if you consistently use bad grammer and nonsensical spelling, but because you should probably know how to read anyway.
5) Don't post just links. Yeah, I did it once. I have seen the error of my ways.
Bah, that's all I can think of. Wait, one more:
Rule 6) Posting stoned, bored mumbling newbie advice posts when you're still a newbie yourself will get you -2 died into oblivion. Don't even try, I did once, and well, see the reviews below.
I just hope this attachment works or it's back to the toilet and tongue burns for me.
User Reviews
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-06 18:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't +2 your own posts.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-06 17:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have found most of your input ( reviews ) to be intelligent
and insighful. I am glad you came.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Is the black guy on the left, an elf ?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rule number 3 saved yo ass n00b. THIS time.
Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
PS - Self-effacing humor is always appreciated. Good job.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
hehe your funny becuz you rant en rave
try again.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks for the advice. Now STFU n00b! Haha just kidding.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
balls in your mouth
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-01-26 01:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That picture made me laugh, someones been doing halucinogens.......
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-26 00:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i liked it
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-25 22:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought you were very articulate and you're kind of funny and self-deprecating, so I cannot, in good conscience, give you a negative review. Have a +1. Be free.
Submitted by Littlemiss69 (user info) at 2005-01-25 21:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:35:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
I've already done this, and better
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55488
lol me 2 http://www.ubersite.com/m/57383 relly good if ur new
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-01-25 21:12:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
man, the worst i ever did was post a picture of that chick from Total Recall (with the 3 cans, duh)...
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-01-25 20:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DERP!
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-01-25 20:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That said though, you seem to be looking for criticism and abuse, so in closing I hope that your entire family is posessed and made to fuck animals.
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Much better, although that already happened to my family years ago. I just enjoy seeing who can come up with the cruelest reviews is all. When you compare all the reviews to all the posts on Ubersite, it's hard to figure out which is funnier.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-25 20:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This theme has been pretty much done to death, so you can't expect too much in the way of positive ratings for this post. Still you raise some valid points, which puts you ahead of a fair proportion of the Uber population. Solid zero.
That said though, you seem to be looking for criticism and abuse, so in closing I hope that your entire family is posessed and made to fuck animals.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-01-25 20:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:55:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't tell us how long you've been here. In fact, don't tell us anything.
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Not bad. It's brutal, but you have to make me really FEEL the pain. Convince me that I should give two shits about anything you have to say. Schlongy still has the best overall review here.
By the way, if anything, that picture helps black people. I don't know how, but I'm sure there's a rational explanation.
+2 for helping black people.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:56:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
..."a few..."???
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:55:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't tell us how long you've been here. In fact, don't tell us anything.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:35:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
I've already done this, and better
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55488
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Yeah, I just read it. I'm very impressed. Really. I thought your lack of use of the Enter key was a very bold artistic statement.
Only Uber can tell us which of our equally shitty posts is better. So, let the judging begin.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:35:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've already done this, and better
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55488
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:33:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I noticed a few anti-Schlongy posts recently, kind of what I was talking about in the post. I don't know jackshit about who knows who or who the hell any of you people are, but I'm sure there's better things to post than "X user sucks" or "X user is gay". Not that this was much better, but at least I got it out of my system. If you can't take the heat, get out of Hell. Simple.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I was voted "Best Reviewer-2004" in a late season UberPoll. So I know what I'm doing.
I thought you seemed too articulate to be one of the 7,000 high schoolers that permeate this shitbox. 6,893 of them like to harass and threaten Shlongy.
But statistics show that 72.9% of all "newbies" are dorks 14-20, with an amazing 43.6% of those posters also being retards.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:23:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:17:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
You seem like a pretty smart kid.
Now shut the fuck up.
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Now THAT is a good review. I'm not joking. That is a review I would ideally post to something like this. Brutal and honest. Beautiful.
I don't know that I'm a kid though. 27. I guess it depends on how old you are.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesse Jackson just called and said that your photoshop is degrading to blacks everywhere and he wants it removed immediately.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You seem like a pretty smart kid.
Now shut the fuck up.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Uzi (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:01:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know how to rate this one. I'll rate it what ever the next person rates it.
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baa-aaa-aaa-aaa.
Submitted by Uzi (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:06:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE THIS POST!
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:02:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
well
it was the first minus 2
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:02:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FIRST -2!
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't read it.
Submitted by Uzi (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know how to rate this one. I'll rate it what ever the next person rates it.