Me Me Me Me Me (Ubercontest) (4820 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber-related
Rating: 1.5 on 161 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-26 05:40:41 EST
In case you missed the title, this is shameless fuckwittery. There is no literary merit to this post. This one is just for shits and giggles.
What with all the camwhores, contests, polls, most heated attempts, and flat out asskissing that goes on at this festering boil of a website (the best kind), a girl has to whore herself out pretty hard to get the kind of notoriety that leads to public office.
Or at least a center spread in playboy.
So I thought long (3 minutes) and hard (I was playing totem tennis at the time, and won) and carefully (I have the attention span of a rabbit during foreplay) and came up with what I think is a great little contest.
Not only is it all about me, without me having to show my tits or actually think, but it'll increase the love of a much maligned art form, poetry.
We all hate poetry, right? Right. But poems can be fun! Really... look at this:
There once was a man from Nantucket
IT CAN GO ANY WHICH WAY! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! GLORY IN THE UNLIMITED POTENTIAL OF POETRY AND PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Heh.
Right.
Where was I?
OH! Me!
So. The contest is: write a poem about me. It don't gotta be flattering, but it has to make me giggle.
There are some rules, because this is MY contest:
*Eight lines max. (Rabbit. Foreplay. Make the connection.)
*The shit has to rhyme. None of your fucking free verse. Rhyme it.
Suggested rhymes for Circe: Sexy, classy, pussy....uhm. Well... I'm sure there are lots. Heaps, even.
*It has to be original. (Like I'm gonna check. I have vodka to drink and cardgames to play on MSN. Let's just pretend we're reliable adults and go on that honour system thing I've heard so much about. Or cheat. Fuck it... who's gonna know?)
*They have to be posted in the reviews. No making a new post..it'll just piss people off and make trouble and go heated and at the end of the day, everybody'll blame me.
*Contest closes in three days. That's 72 hours from now. If I remember. It might be longer... meh. Contest closes when I remember to say it's finished.
A complimentary poem MIGHT score higher, but it depends on my mood, on my level of inebriation, and on how closely the letters of your name can be aligned with "Ride it home to Mama!" as written in the Cyrillic alphabet. Of course, I'll be the judge. The scoring sytem is very very complex and you won't understand it.
(Hint: "Circe doesn't have a life
I'd like to watch her fuck my wife" is complimentary.)
PRIZE:
There will be no ratings handed out. There'll be no half hearted love or hate post. No nude pics...(a sigh of relief goes up from the peanut gallery)...shut up. The prize is this:
I write your eulogy.
That's right, for a limited time only, you can have Ubersite's most untalented hack writing your death speech! And no halfhearted fucking "We'll miss him" shit either. I'ma do it up all purdy in photoshop and like.. put flowers on it.. and try real real hard. Email me your photo so people have something to mourn over.
It'll be posted right here on uber, so people you never met can have a chance to mourn the death that never happened of someone they never knew! It just doesn't get any better than that, really.
So... write me a poem. Make me laugh. Or.. you know.. don't. Either way. Oh, look, children! We've got a picture to look at!
Google Image Search for: LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME
It's a shrub.
I don't get it either.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-16 17:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe my dear, your post is devine
I thought up this baby, over a bottle of wine.
It starts at the beginning and ends further on,
The next part will hit me, if I massage my scone.
I dreamt of a punchline, it was harder than thought,
The competition's over, I'm writing for nought.
Oh hell, what's the problem? I've started it now,
WRITE ME A EULOGY, or I'll furrow my brow.
Submitted by Triplexus (user info) at 2005-01-30 16:00:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Although disappointed, I have discovered a state of understanding as to why my poem was not chosen for its superiority. The end of my poem was truncated due to the 8 line rule. The reader was left with a sense of abandonment, I remain convinced. I apologize for not submitting the poem in its entirety, but I wanted to adhere to the rules set by the author of this particular post. The full version of my poem is available online at http://www.ubersite.com/m/57477. Please read it. It has always bothered me that the greatest poets throughout history have never been appreciated until long after their deaths.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-28 07:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57938 - Results & Awards
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-28 01:09:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
J'urine en l'air.
Tu défèques par terre.
Je mange mes excréments.
Dévores mes fluides malodorants.
ahhhhhhhahahhaha. you canadian bastard. i love it
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-27 23:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This crap is still going on?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-27 22:58:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The contest has long ceased to be
Your 'poems' have all been pwn3d by me
We all knew I'd won
Before we'd begun
So kindly stop talking in poems. It's driving me batty.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-01-27 21:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
circe say "thug life got them niggas,
locked down wit hennesy, wiggas,
cuffed to my bucket,
fuck it,"
this isn't a free verse,
it rhymes, not rehearsed,
you rule,
i drool.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 21:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:19:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Chris, you're already the returning champion of the "too little too late" award.....
~*~*~*~*~
The boyfriend I must be defending
Cause he found my "small" joke quite offending
I thought that his pride
Could take it in stride
But that ego might be all pretending...
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-27 17:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-27 15:00:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jealousy raged through this young girls body
There was a Penis Room, she said, why not one for hotties?
She formed a boudoir, in mock imitation.
But we all know the purpose: group masturbation.
----------------------------------------------
Well, yeah. sheesh. what else would we talk about?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-27 16:32:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She cannot even compare
Her skills, however, cannot be shared
Our disbelief we cannot hide
Whores flock from woldwide
Uzbekistan has brought 4,000 alone
show us your skills, we must hone
Your orgasm will be neverending, she has claimed
Our husbands will not be shamed
Ur face will be extatic with glee
R you kidding me, she?
This is just an excuse however
It cannot be more
The poem is rather like a cheap whore
Show us your tits
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-27 15:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
J'urine en l'air.
Tu défèques par terre.
Je mange mes excréments.
Dévores mes fluides malodorants.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-27 15:42:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
perfection can best be phased in one word
its the greatest word the world has ever heard
with her orange hair,
all the men stare
as carrot top commits suicide in the corner
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-27 15:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jealousy raged through this young girls body
There was a Penis Room, she said, why not one for hotties?
She formed a boudoir, in mock imitation.
But we all know the purpose: group masturbation.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-01-27 12:49:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He saw a post with the most by none other than Circe...
decided to play - figured things could be worse. He
saw the contest was null and with much hurly burly
said, "it's better to come late than to always come early."
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-01-27 12:44:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your headlights shone bright so warm and rare.
You really do have such a lovely pair.
If ever there were a time to confess my love.
I should do it right now in your ass with a shove.
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-01-27 12:13:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, Circe,
what could be worse,
writing for me, while I'm in a herse.
As I type and use my thumb.
I kind of want to see your bum.
Nevermind, I guess I'll just hum.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:04:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:55:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd set a table with china
And dump the boy from Carolina
If there was a chance
That I could romance
And have access to Circe's vagina
----------
There's no need to end our relations
Over your lesbian temptations.
If Circe don't mind
I'm sure that we'll find
Three's perfect for some situations.
BWAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH That is art.
I snorted.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I win a category I'll give you 2 dollars and 3 bottles worth 10 cents a piece.
Hey, I'm laid off till next week and it's all I have, but I offer it to you mistress Circe.
Just let me win something and give my life meaning.
please oh please.
If you didn't adore my endearing poem than you can just get stuffed, missy!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as I win, you do whatever you need to do, love. :oP
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking fuck. The results post is gonna be like the godamned Academy Awards. I just thought up twenty new categories.
I need to go to bed.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man.... That was... harsh. I'm such a bitch. :oP
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chris, you're already the returning champion of the "too little too late" award.....
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I get the "Too little, too late" award?
I think I'll let you and Lojo work together to figure out what my prize should be.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:15:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you, Circe, why arent you on?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In other news, I've decided there needs to be runner up prizes, in the form of two obituaries and a missing persons report. And they shall all be bundled together in one post of sheer "They all dropped dead" awesomeness.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Lojo, that was awesome. You're like Yeats on speed. And I'm closing it now because, well, that's a whole lotta poetry.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand the contest is officially closed. Hate mail can be sent to any address except mine.
I'll decide the winner tomorrow. Thanks guys.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:55:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd set a table with china
And dump the boy from Carolina
If there was a chance
That I could romance
And have access to Circe's vagina
----------
There's no need to end our relations
Over your lesbian temptations.
If Circe don't mind
I'm sure that we'll find
Three's perfect for some situations.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
11:00 I WIN!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Of my heart there has been a theft
That's made me so very bereft
I'm quite out of time
To seduce you with rhyme
When only a minute is left.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd set a table with china
And dump the boy from Carolina
If there was a chance
That I could romance
And have access to Circe's vagina
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The thought of this ending sure vexes,
And truely the reason perplexes,
Why end the game,
That has revered your name,
And tittilated those of both sexes?
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time for one more I think....
There once was a lady named Lynne
And she was the queen of all sin
The things she can do
With a sex toy or two
Would make tingles all over your skin
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wasn't gonna write another one,
but, I can't resist the challenge to
be more filthy than anyone else.
------------------------------------
Tho' I'm not the first one to pen her an ode
To the joy of her eating my creamy thick load,
I'm hoping my meter strikes Circe just right,
And the laughter ensuing might echo all night.
Vegemite from down under is coating her bits,
And spunk from the poets doth pool where she sits:
She giggles at filth that would make your hair curl,
While daddy thrusts into his good little girl.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:23:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Song For My Cheeky Nuts
Hey balls--
That time you told me you couldn't come again
Is gonna get you in trouble.
Next time
Act like you are a pair.
---------------------
BAHAHAHA!
Fucking art.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 09:14:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's unfortunate that I'm at school
Cause now that Circe's changed the rule
I don't have much time
To come up with a rhyme
To make our dear sex goddess drool
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:34:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is insane... You people are fucking awesome. I wasn't expecting so much awesomeness.
As per the rules, I can close the contest whenever I like.. and I'm going to have to, because the choice is near impossible as is.
Two and a half hours, more or less - that's 11.00 Ubertime - is the new deadline.
Please don't be mad.
It's just that I'm not very bright, and there's all these words to read through...
*blinks vapidly*
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What if Lynne's girl parts were gone?
And instead of a Jill, was a John?
Why, if she had a cock
On it I would rock
But for now we'll just play with our strap-on
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-27 06:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:16:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Song About a Retardedly Drunk Sailor and The AIDS He Gave to his Mom
Mom.
There's something I have to tell you about Spain.
The end.
-----------
Goddamnit! I hate it when he makes me laugh.
It makes me feel dirty or like I sucked off Hitler.
Not that I would know what sucking off a Nazi warlord would feel like, but I imagine its something like what I feel when I enjoy the musings of Shitfuck or PFF.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:16:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Song About a Retardedly Drunk Sailor and The AIDS He Gave to his Mom
Mom.
There's something I have to tell you about Spain.
The end.
--------------
How the fuck are we expected to compete with this??
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA
hAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAHAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHHAHHAHA
Holy gfuck, writing those makes weed like even more better then i could like imagine.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Retarded Butterfly
Fucking thing, why you so stupid?
Didn't you know
Worms can't fly.
I guess that's why your mother was a dragonfly
And your father is a fucking fat asshole.
Maybe you shouldn't eat too many jews in front of the fire
Or play with your colorful butterfly cock at the alter of satan.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A Little Iraqi Baby Listening to Rebel Yell by Billy Idol SMokes His fFirst Joint
Waaaaaaa waaaaaaaa waaaaaaa
wwwwaaaaaaaaaaaa
wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
waaaa
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
waaaaawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
smokey smokey
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says christianity like a stone dead Iraqi baby.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Love Poem
My girl
Is a dirty slut cocksucker
And if you wanna fuck her
It's for free.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Song For My Cheeky Nuts
Hey balls--
That time you told me you couldn't come again
Is gonna get you in trouble.
Next time
Act like you are a pair.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some Fuckin' SHit About the SLut I gone done facked to hell.
So, there was thes slut
and I was all you know down dirty drunk and scoundrelin'
So I git me some o'that there date rate pill
And I fucked her. Then I woke up in the morning
And returned to my job
As a youth counsellor and part time rapist.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:18:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A Retired Junkie Sets His House In Order
Dear Mr. Crack pipe
The winds of stoned don't blow so softly
As they did on your goose down Balzac.
I was eating the furniture when Moses came down
And raped all the sheep.
Sheep. All the raped sheep. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppp.
Dear Mr Crack Pipe,
There;s a furnace of pot in my fist
and some random queer throwing roses at my cock
If I beat the tar out of him,
Will the world spin happy.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Song About a Retardedly Drunk Sailor and The AIDS He Gave to his Mom
Mom.
There's something I have to tell you about Spain.
The end.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ode To a Raped Zoo Keeper
Oh Zologist
With your black and white striped Zebra underwear
What rainforest
Do you park your cock in
Now that
The baboons have raped you.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So like I was walking in the fucking stupid park
When all these fucking like niggers came out of the dark
And all of a sudden my fat cock got hard
And I then I fucked my hand.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just fucking slammed my cock
In the goddam car door
And if I hadn't severed my penis
I'd be fucking Circe like a whore.
Amen.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:10:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Once upon a cunt
There was a cunt
That was the cunntiest cunt
The world did cunt.
And then all the fags owned guns
And killed all sluts
So know all us men
Are really the cunts.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-27 02:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who is that girl that makes me erect?
That's Circe. That's Circe.
How many girls do I actually respect?
Just Circe. Just Circe.
Which girl loves cum on her chest?
All girls do, but specifically Circe. Specifically Circe
So if you ask which girl is the best?
I'll say it's Circe. Clearly it's Circe.
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You always were a sungods daughter
Kissed by the breeze and blessed by water-
In secret trysts we waltzed the sun-swept coast,
The sea our symphony, our restless host....
You look to me in your loving way
And to the west and dimming day,
And after one sweet clinging kiss-
You surrender to lost dreams of Odysseus.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, for the record - the period at the end of my third couplet was meant to be a colon. Sorry.
Heh heh. Period.
Heh heh. Colon.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-26 23:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So...umm....I won, right?......RIGHT??!!??
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-26 23:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I came to her; I spoke her name,
The maiden with the hair of flame.
My heart did quiver - not by choice,
When from her mouth flowed honeyed voice.
"What business brings you by my side?"
Head bowed and humbled, I replied.
"One favour's all I beg from thee;
Compose this boy's necrology."
-----------------------------------------
And who thought I could write tastefully?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:55:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that is the best poem about Circe.
you gotta admit.
i win again!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A g-string made only of candy
Does not make one terribly randy
They leave awkward stains
That're hard to explain
And it makes Circe's cunt taste all sandy
No, the thing that dear Lyn needs to wear
Is a dress made only of my hair
I'd wrap her real tight
Make her squeal with delight
And otherwise treat her with care
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe seems like a nice gal,
Someone to call a pal;
I'd like to say more nice things
But come the words never shall.
For I do not know this princess,
Though I know I've caused her stress.
For you see I kicked her ass
In Round 4 of UberMadness.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More rhymes still reside in my head
More poems have yet to be read
But it is late at night
So I must wait to write
And for now head on off to my bed
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:40:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Were a post to be written some night
Describing my own "final flight"
The hits would pour in
If only I'd win
This contest of Circe's delight
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:36:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck... Lojo, you're edging it. Your entries are wonderful.
Also, can you IMAGINE the furore over a post called "R.I.P Lojope"?
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bought for the beautiful Circe
A g-string made up of sweet Hershey
She wore it that night
And I ate it off right
And made love to her quite perversely
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Right before I go to bed
Visions of her dance in my head
She, the glorious fickle muse
And from my fingers to my shoes
I tingle, tickle, jolt, and jump
And wish, so much, her leg to hump
And lick her til she begs for mercy
She the beautiful, sexy, Circe.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, I know. I suddenly remembered that I had the awesome power of the Internet at my very fingertips. So I looked at porn.
I mean, searched for the song. Damn freudian slips.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-26 20:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My (belated) Australia Day Special - to the Tune of the 'Happy Little Vegemites' song:
I'd be a happy little Vegemite as bright as bright could be,
All I'd need is Circe bending down in front of me.
My penis would engorge and drops of pre-cum they would leak,
Then I would slam it in her butt,
Slap her wet girl-bits with my nuts,
And blow my load over her cheeks!
...I've had this fantasy for weeks!
Don't know the Vegemite Song? Want to sing along? Of course you do! You can download it from this website: http://www.geocities.com/alfonzobelushi/vegemite.html
Submitted by Triplexus (user info) at 2005-01-26 20:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Allow the winds to yearn; (bllooww...)
East side, West side;
South side, North side;
Birds in the park; (fly away, bird!...)
Rain patter patter; Storm?
Patrons walking gently; without me;
I cry in agony! Pound the pillow!
No more feathers;
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 20:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LP - That was "Circe's Power" by Louise Gluck.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 20:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bob- was that original?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-26 19:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
tinavtin's latest effort should win.
"...Anal cafeteria..." Buahahahahahahahahaaaaa
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-26 19:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never turned anyone into a pig.
Some people are pigs; I make them
Look like pigs.
I'm sick of your world
That lets the outside disguise the inside. Your men weren't bad men;
Undisciplined life
Did that to them. As pigs,
Under the care of
Me and my ladies, they
Sweetened right up.
Then I reversed the spell, showing you my goodness
As well as my power. I saw
We could be happy here,
As men and women are
When their needs are simple. In the same breath,
I foresaw your departure,
Your men with my help braving
The crying and pounding sea. You think
A few tears upset me? My friend,
Every sorceress is
A pragmatist at heart; nobody sees essence who can't
Face limitation. If I wanted only to hold you
I could hold you prisoner.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 18:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ubersite is insane. Seriously. We have no sense of rhythym, rhyme, or meter, we're sex-crazed maniacs...
I love you guys.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-01-26 17:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck poetry in all of its moronic forms.
If I had my way it would've never been born.
Fuck Haiku's and Free Verse and Limericks too.
Fuck Bathroom Stall Verse, though it does smell like poo.
Write your dumb poems and dream your dumb dreams.
Promise and threaten to spray her with cream.
You all dream 'bout putting your man gunk in back of her.
The closest you'll come is Iambic Pentameter.
crap
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-26 17:07:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What I'd do for a kiss, or even a smooch
Or a waft of the air to erupt from your cooch
All bubbling with glee, and appearing so sprightly
I'm amazed by the queefs that you produce nightly
Yet am I a bridesmaid, and never a bride?
One fuck on the floor then you toss me aside?
But enough of this doubt, of this banal hysteria
For I am a tray in your anal cafeteria.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 16:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You people rock. I can't stop fucking laughing... these are awesome.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 16:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Screamfeeder: It's like I'm sitting under Circes' window..Opus in hand..getting ready to serenade....and OH FUCK I JUST GOT RUN OVER BY A GODDAMN TRUCK!!!!
That pretty much sums it up. Damn you, Bickerstaff, for being so good.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-01-26 16:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too long I know, I hear that all the time, but Circe man, ya get me started and
I gotta go all the way:
Sirens on Ventura, but I'm sure it's just a film,
Bad guy's got 'em cornered and we're sure he's gonna kill'im,
Lead man's overacting; still so jazzed he got that part,
Aint the cure I'm seeking for the chaos in my heart.
Tranny's up on Melrose with their honey invitations,
Bulges in their trousers giving dodgy implications,
Tired of this drivin' in my overpriced go-cart,
So's I blow that debacle,
The Hollywood walk'll
Fix the chaos in my heart.
Graham could guess at irony, but never pin it down,
When "reality" was all the rage in his synthetic town,
Mad that he aint famous, "Hot or Not" was his big start,
Bussing tables down on Venice, with the chaos in his heart.
E.R. nurses give a fuck, just wait for 6 a.m.
Smacked up Chinaman comes in, say, "God not you again,"
Know damn well without their sutures, that boy's seams'ld come apart,
But the plagues hard gavel,
Will shortly unravel,
The chaos in his heart.
Sandy paid for plastics with the tenderness she'd pawned,
Like a badly drawn rendition of a Jap'nese schoolgirl blonde,
Painted, pimped and perforated, now she knows it aint so smart,
Selling out your dreams of glamour, to the chaos in your heart.
We don't watch the news in So Cal, cause it comes on during "Friends,"
But the times they are a-changin' so I'll bare it till it ends,
Arabs dyin',
Homo's cryin',
Red states marchin' 'cross that chart,
Heartland God don't promise fuck all,
To the chaos in our hearts.
Slow Bob tickled ivories at the Hotel Figueroa,
And he'd been there since Black Dahlia so I asked him could he show a
Guy with whiskey on his sleeves how one turns chaos into art,
He said that art is dead but scotch'll cool the chaos in your heart.
I wake up on Fairfax an aging rock and roll disciple,
Left behind by all the music, beaten, battered by the hype, I'll
Hafta hurry home into her arms, my horse behind the cart,
Cause it's Circe, after all this time, the chaos in my heart.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57782
Contest this.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe's hair is reddish-orange,
...fucking shit.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't believe there's
a Circe
I think it's all just
heresay,
But if I ask her to
caress me
Will I be committing
heresy?
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
there once was a chick from ubersite
who drank too much, was high as a kite
her attempt at wit, a thing just for fun
was lost on me, thus a -1.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this a gauge of Circe's lust for fame
Or is it some diversion, or a game:
To make the would-be poets plead their case
And labor over stanzas often lame?
But can they truly win the witch's grace
Or solve the mocking riddle on her face
By striving within eight brief cliched lines
To ask "Would you please sit upon my face"?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe lives down under
Way across the sea
But even though I'm very far
She sometimes talks to me
She also has two daughters
Twin lovely little girls
But she must know when they're of age
I'll do 'em with my hose!
Don't hit me.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I beg you, my love, do not taunt me so
Flaunting your treasures just out of my reach
Waiting and hopeful, I long for your touch
And dream of your lips, as soft as a peach
Caress me as at your hair my hands clutch
There was more, but this iambic pentamer shit is a pain in the ass, so all you get is this one verse.
Submitted by okokididitbutiwasdrunk (user info) at 2005-01-26 15:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe and Manda
Fighting for some attention
While I masturbate
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-01-26 14:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sexycamwhores, ho!
Circe joined them in contest?
Alas! It's breastless!
There; I've just doubled your pleasure with a limerick/haiku double penetration/entry. You can't resist.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 14:40:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMNIT
I fucking wrote an epic poem that was better than the Iliad and the Odyssey combined, and Bart won't let me post it.
Damn you, good sir.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-01-26 14:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a babe named Circe,
Who was so damn sexy it hurts me.
Her posts on Uber
Are really so super,
They make Uncle Jesse say "Have Mercy."
Submitted by CATHAIL (user info) at 2005-01-26 14:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
SUCKA MY COCKY
YOU BITCH ON YOUR BACKY
IM HAPPY YOU LET CUM ON YOUR FACE
UP IN YOUR ASSY
MY WEASY IS GREASY
STICKY IT BE
BUT HOW DOES IT TASTE?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-26 14:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a chick named Circe
who made my throbbing blood sword quite girthy
so one day I blew
all over her shoe
so now when she walks she sounds squishy
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Firetrucks are cool.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe Circe, in a tree.
Circe Circe, look at me!
You're so cool it hurts.
You don't rent from Hertz.
When you go to town,
You really get down.
This poem blows,
and everyone knows.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Because... well.. nothing rhymes with uteris, but it's a funny word."
Paris
Bris
Cloris
Ferris
Clitoris (redundent but meh)
Yeah I'm camping here, so what?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe is a girl who posts on uber,
I'm Potatomanjack, but surprisingly, I'm not a tuber.
Those two first lines are pretty crappy,
But don't worry, the rest will make you happy.
You see, Circe is a special type of poster,
She's hotter than the inside of a toaster.
But that's not all, you should see her uteris.
Because... well.. nothing rhymes with uteris, but it's a funny word.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Limrick below this post is fucking HOT!
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Named Circe, she came from down under,
and offered her butt for my plunder.
As I mounted her ass,
she expelled Aussie gas.
And blasted my meat all asunder.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
circe never reviews me
never ever +2s me.
i'm not in her click
but she's a hot chick
so i'd settle if she would do me
i don't even want a prize
just to be seen in her eyes
as someone who's neat
and has big feet
READ THIS POST ITS SWEET!
(http://www.ubersite.com/m/54423)
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-01-26 13:00:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really don't know who you are.
You could be here, there or afar.
But a rhyme is a rhyme and I've got the time,
So it's good rhymes I need,
for today is my creed.
'Circe will write when I die'
Submitted by Papa-T (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:50:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a trick named Circe,
Who's gash was ever so purty.
Whilst flicking her bean,
She let out a scream,
And now her undies are dirty.
I love vagina.
Thick labia, my passion.
Come to me, Circe!
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now lets move on to some Iambic. Limricks are for Pretenders.
You Try and Fail But This Will be the Truth
Your Body and Mind is warped around the Flesh
Such Filth Doth Rise and Cure Nothing tis Sooth
These Poems Above and Below are words of a Lech
Circe Cares Not for What we Have to Say
Her Mind has Reached a Point of Unspeakable Lows
These dregs of Written Vomit Will Come out all Day
"Your Breasts We Must See!", but 'ere She Never Shows
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:35:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man... Limmericks are so much fun!
If I didn't have class in a few minutes I'd just sit here and write them all day. Maybe later you'll get a few more.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a post I just must keep attendin'
Where I want to do more than just blend in
Cause I want Circe to see
And take notice of me
So she'll take time to write out my endin'
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. +2 fucking two for the itneresting poems you inspired.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:12:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's true our dear Circe has pluck,
But with her, you are all out of luck,
She doesn't want you,
Or like what you do,
Cause it's me who she just loves to have sexual intercourse with.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is a quick limrick.
Other poetic Opus' to follow.
There sits a fair lass named Circe
Her words they make me a-tizzy
With one finger deep in her ditty
She makes all of Uber cry 'MERCY!'
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:12:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's true our dear Circe has pluck,
But with her, you are all out of luck,
She doesn't want you,
Or like what you do,
Cause it's me who she just loves to have sexual intercourse with.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
blegh. this contest sounds retarded. It's a fact that the U.S. President over the last forty years has dejected poetry and called it a form of "satanism". As current president I must say that I follow in their footsteps.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i win. its over. stop making your pathetic attempts at poetry.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 12:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a lassie from uber
Whose writing worked better than luber
At making me ready
For "hide the spaghetti"
In short, I'd be begging to do her.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-26 11:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh how I yearn
however my feelings are not returned
this will change in one short bit
i call it a roofie, its better than any hit
and with a swig of vodka she pours it down
in no time shes fucking me like a hound
'i cannot belive', i exclaim with ejaculatory glee
but just in a few seconds it all comes 'round
for as i see the crabs scuttle
i let out a chuckle
so as soon as its over, i make my genital region bear
in hopes that the gods use my offering of hair
and that is the story, of how Circe got shot in the waist.
"no one gives me crabs", i explained to her mutilated body
but i got out of there without haste
because some black man over my shoulder looked rather shoddy.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-01-26 11:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry. Minimum 12 lines for you honey.
Circe, my dear,
it has become clear,
that your writing is far above average.
Each word that you write,
I read with delight,
without help from any strong beverage.
You're strange in your views,
of women and booze,
and children that scare every day.
But want you I must,
with an increasing lust,
hell, I'm even willing to pay.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2005-01-26 11:38:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly though, if I tried to conjure up a little ditty that had even the slightest hint of eroticism I would only end up wanking myself into an early grave. That's why I can never write porn.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-01-26 11:30:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AshK needs to win this. That was awesome.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2005-01-26 11:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's Fuck
Let's Fuck
Let's Fuck
Let's Fuck
... more of a chorus than a poem, but fuck it I hate to be restricted by structure.
Submitted by Papa-T (user info) at 2005-01-26 11:09:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When you've had a long day, and you're feeling faint,
Call on Circe to lick your taint.
With heaving lungs, and a passionate tongue
She'll perform her task like a saint.
And if you're not into the whole grundle scene,
She'll gladly lick your brown starfish clean.
Always down south, with a dutiful mouth
Your tender anus she'll ream.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-26 11:05:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a dear friend I call Lynnie
Whose pussy my fingers go innie
After lots of hard breathin
She comes like a heathen
And asks me to do it againnie
or something like that.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh like a heyena.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-26 07:22:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
A dirty limerick just for you, my friend:
There once was a young wench named Circe,
Whilst I plowed her, she swore at and cursed me.
So I spunked on her tits,
And swollen pink bits,
Then demanded that she reimburse me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey...I said THIRD place!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, your ranking system sucks balls. Most of these are fucking hilarious.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm in at LEAST third place, based on my ranking system.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There once was a girl named Circe
Who kept a 12-inch dildo in her purse
When her search for penis fails and she's alone
She fires up that bad-boy and sinks the bone
Vrrrrrrrrooooooooooooombmbmbmbmbmbmbmb...
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
O, if I were you Circe
I would write my own verse
of rabbits and pussies
and Ubersite wussies
yes, I'd write in Cyrillic
a short poem idyllic
and then eulogize Fegg
since for that he would vigorously hump your leg
___________________________
I am Circe don't you see?
This is all about me,
and my lusty obsession
with every erection
and the juices of love
from below or above
of those whom I tease
with my fine shrubberies
___________________________
The fire of her mind
a rainbow dawn embracing
caverns of starlight
---------------------------
ok, i'm done, your eyes will stop hurting soon.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe was my favorite nursie
til she caked my balls in Hershey
It's not that I don't like the taste
My mouth just won't go past my waist
There's only one who'd lick my balls
One special mouth for one and all
It's not that he's a raging queer
But with a name like Smurfs, well... that's pretty gay
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-01-26 10:16:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I met this gal, she's a real nun at heart,
Until she got drunk and spread her legs apart.
'Fuck me hard Circe' soon was my mantra,
As we lay in bed, perfecting our tantra.
Just as my pecker was about to explode,
I pulled out of that pussy, and gave her my load.
I came with the force of 10 atom bombs,
Then cockslapped her twice and TOLD THE BITCH TO MAKE ME SOME BREAKFAST!
Just for you, Circe.
Submitted by Papa-T (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe, a stank ho, starved for affection,
I'll give you some love with my raging erection.
I'll dip my nuts in your mouth with the greatest of ease,
Then you'll get on all fours and make like the breeze.
Like a bird-handler, I'll play with your hooters,
And work my way down to your foul-smelling cooter.
But 'ere we screw, just one thing, Circe,
Let me wrap it up tight, I don't want your herpes.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. Thanks. It just kind of... appeared, as if the Muse of Poetry herself shat upon my head.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Three days?
This contest is MINE!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:07:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
My dearest, darlingest Circe
How I long to caress yo-
Look! A butterfly!
*chases after it*
I call it, 'Love Interrupted'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That made me laugh like a little boy laughs at farts.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Because this post
Has no picture of tits
I cannot in good conscience
Rate this other than shit.
Guaranteed hits
If you show us your rack
I would then promise you
I'm done showing my cack.
The End.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:22:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mystia - Well, yes.
But I like to think of myself as a talent scout.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:21:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:11:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
mystia - You rock... one of these days I'm going to try and get you to bat for the other team....
---------
What other team? Aren't you heterosexual with a live in boyfriend and kids?
Just give me a pint of premium vodka and a 4 pack of Red Bull and anything can happen.
Life is funny that way....
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe's from down under
She is a woodland sprite
She dances in the thunder
And likes to screw all night.
If you decide to visit
One thing is very true:
If you are well-arisen
Then by Zeus, she'll fuck you.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stupid program is taking forever to initialize. I'm working on it, I promise!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm spent.
Depending on my level of boredom, I may camp out on this post for a while, making up inane poems and rhymes willy-nilly. But don't fret. I might not. Depends on my creativity juice level.
Don't ask.
I might try for iambic pentameter next.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
RULE REVISION:
Haikus are valid entries.
LadyPlural, why are you not on MSN?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:16:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a young lady called Lyn
Who had the world's wickedest grin
She knew it was hot
So she used it a lot
When wiping cum off of her chin
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:11:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mystia - You rock... one of these days I'm going to try and get you to bat for the other team....
LadyPlural... if there was just ONE rhyme in that... it'd win. It moves me.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuckwittery is
Your bread and butter, my dear
How I lust for you
A haiku.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:07:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My dearest, darlingest Circe
How I long to caress yo-
Look! A butterfly!
*chases after it*
I call it, 'Love Interrupted'
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, now you guys are just showing off.
blah!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 09:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DeathJester, my dear dearest one,
There is no need to fret
I haven't mentioned anyone;
It wouldn't be fair yet
Your poems have impressed me,
Your talent is a prize
But if I go all babbly
Then it won't be a surprise
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a woman from Perth
Who hit-whored for all she was worth
Posting faux-Dr. Seuss,
Psychosexual abuse,
And the demons to whom she gave birth.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:51:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Every time i'm bored today I come onto this post,
To see if my last poem has been mentioned more than most.
It doesn't seem that Circe, here, is noticing my skill,
She's obviously not impressed; to her it's just time killed.
Although my boredom's infinite, I cannot stay all day,
So this will be my last attempt at drawing her my way.
For Circe may be sexy, in my eye a gorgeous glint,
But i'm here for the fuck of it, so fuck me you damn bint!
Fin.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:41:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd love to get to know Ya
'Cause your pic makes me go Ga-Ga
I was really impressed with your Uber-Stuff
even though I was looking for a pic of your muff
Truthfully I am a reserved shy guy
But I'd travel cross the world to bone you dry
When you write my eulogy please don't be sassy
I'm sure you can tell that I'm really classy
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"My name is Roger, Roger the shrubber. I design, arrange, and sell shrubberies..."
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That Circe is one rockin chick
Although I think she may have a dick
She has crazy kids and an adorable cat
She may be foreign, but I see nothing wrong with that
I anxiously await the things she has to say
I could sit here naked and read her all day
Yes indeed Circe is one rockin chick
Oh how I wish she really did have a dick.
-Fin
shut the fuck up, what do you expect for 2 minutes of thought and effort?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 08:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My GOD some of these are awesome. I'm going to have to tweak the scoring system to choose one.
Heh.
I might have to develop a scoring system first. I was basing it on thirteen "-2, no boobs" and one halfassed limerick.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-26 07:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe the hottie from Uber,
Got bored of using the hoover,
She opened her case,
A grin on her face,
And rogered herself with a tuba.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-01-26 07:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My humble entry:
Like a bloody tampon,
Floating in the crapper,
She loiters around Uber,
Like a 5 dollar slapper,
She thinks high of herself,
With this Fickle Muse Tag,
But writes less Dostoevsky,
More drunken fag-hag.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-26 07:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A dirty limerick just for you, my friend:
There once was a young wench named Circe,
Whilst I plowed her, she swore at and cursed me.
So I spunked on her tits,
And swollen pink bits,
Then demanded that she reimburse me.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-26 07:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
i prefer tits
_______
's ok. Says more about you than it does about me, really.
___
I'm really enjoying the various pronounciations of my username. I never considered that.. it fully rocks.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-01-26 06:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe scares me very much
I probably should have pressed my clutch
When I switched gears
But she was there
And I tried to run away
So now I'm stuck
My car is fucked
So thank you very much!
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-01-26 06:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
taking liberties with the pronunciation of your name for the sake of rhyme
there once was a woman named Circe
when 'long came whored boobs which were perky
she first took offenses,
but came to her senses:
"her cunt prob'ly looks like beef jerky"
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-01-26 06:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
circe circe lokks like captain kirk kirk
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-26 06:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe's boobs absent,
Making this contest pointless,
Work is boring, though.
Asking for nice words,
DeathJester reciprocates,
You have hawt b00bi3z.
These haiku's don't rhyme,
But there are only 8 lines,
Please don't count this one.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hickory dickory Circe.
I don't think she's a jerk.
But I don't know her, so I'm unsure;
I'll have to read more of her work.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:54:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Her name is Circe,
she sits on a pig
and she rides it around,
while she's eating figs
All the people complain
that her family is poor,
but that came from the church bitch
whos mother is a whore
Sorry, I'm too stoned for this...
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i prefer tits
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe is the greatest gal
I'm so glad she is my pal.
Her Dr. Seuss rhymes really rock
I ought to post her my favourite sock.
A voice like a porn star
Too bad she lives so far
Cuz I'd jump the fence for her.
(look, it's 5 in the morning and I haven't slept. I know that last line doesn't rhyme. I too have a rabbit-like attention span. If even ... oh look! a birdie!!)
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you're gonna show bush, you should put NSFW in the title.
Oh, sorry.
Right.
Poem, eh?
Tricky.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-26 05:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cant be arsed.