I don't think Mark will be working in the restaurants business anymore. (521 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.5 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack-ass Frost "Well........ fuck." (View user info) at 2005-01-26 17:13:33 EST
(Names have been changed for my boss and co-worker's sake)
Seeing as I lost my job at Subway (see this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/54379 ) I went out searching for a new one. I went to several interviews at restaurants and most of the jobs just ended right there (they said something about not accepting employees with my "record" again see this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/54379 ).
I decided that I would continue my search for a restaurant job since I need money for college and these kinds of jobs are normally pretty easy. It turns out the Olive Garden had not heard about my experience at Subway so they hired me after some heavy ass kissing. Walking around taking orders was my job, how fucking easy would that be?
I probably should have thought that over more as any job has that dick head of a boss....
First day on the job:
Monday noon until close
I take orders from many customers; this was one fucking busy restaurant. The only problem that night was some big ass redneck with a mullet said his noodles were cold. No problems for me.
Second day on the job:
Tuesday noon to close once again
Some douche calls in sick so I work as a food server. Turns out I was only cut out for the order taking waiter position because I "accidentally" poured some alfredo dip in some high-class assholes' lap. Fucking tell me it took to long to get the food will he?
I was told I would never be asked to do that job again, SCORE!
Third day on the job:
Wednesday open crew to 5 p.m.
I have to help open up the restaurant and situate the little buzzers for when it's time for you to get a table and shit. Customers start to arrive. I take orders.
Mark (my boss) gives me shit, "Stay on your toes man. If I see you on your ass again you're getting fired." Taking a shit on the job is apparently considered taking a break when you aren't supposed too. I still couldn't figure out how he "saw" me on my ass, that's just creepy. I go home pissed and plotting revenge.
*****Interlude*****: I don't like to be spoken down too from anyone, especially people whom I could beat to a pulp without breaking a sweat, Mark is that guy.
Fourth day on the job:
Thursday open to close
Even in the four days I had become friends with the cooks, turns out anyone can be friends if you hate the same people. They as well could not stand Mark. This day the plan was hatched that would teach him not to be a dick. Mark likes to steal bowls of soup when he takes his lunch break and when he thinks no one is looking so this is where the base of the plan was derived. After a normal day of work I go home and start the preparations, actually only making a trip to the drug store and across town.
Day five on job:
Friday open to close
I bring in the needed ingredients for "The Soup of Surprise". Anthony makes the soup but adds the special ingredients (two bottles of some super laxative shit and some LSD from a friend of mine)
Mark comes in and makes sure no one was looking, or so he thought, and steals a bowl of soup to eat on his break. After he leaves Anthony dumps the soup out and we wait.
After several minutes Mark screams from the bathroom and runs out with a serious case of anal seepage going on while screaming "TELL THE FAT PINK ITALIAN MEN TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!"
Apparently the badly drawn Italians in the pictures in the bathroom had leaped out of the pictures and were prodding Mark with breadsticks. That was what I got out of it anyway but I was too busy laughing to the point of tears to catch everything he had said. Turns out some lonely guy was just trying to take advantage of him in the bathroom.
Mark quit.
Anthony and I are still working here.
Don't order any ranch dressing on your salads.
User Reviews
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
However, you're kind of annoying and there's major inconsistencies in it.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are an asshole. Your story was awesome anyway.
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2008-03-30 12:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow things must be shitty where you come from if the olive garden is "high class"
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-27 09:41:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny story
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-01-26 22:41:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"TELL THE FAT PINK ITALIAN MEN TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!"
Comic gold, man.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2005-01-26 18:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
on the whole pretty awful but I would like to come to the authors defense just a little because I scored LSD from this 8-month pregnant dead-head chick with armpit hair down to her elbows and after only 10 minutes I was a sweaty hallucinating mess. Stuff was crazy strong.
But yeah, the average seems to be at least an hour before you start your trip.
Why did the author get fired from Subway? Having sex with the fresh baked bread?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-26 17:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because my mother and father-in-law LOVE Olive Garden...for some goddamn reason.
Nice work of fiction. NOBODY would waste LSD in some assholes soup.
Urine...yes.
Acid...no.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-26 17:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It amazes me that:
A: you go to work for 3 days and decide you need to show the boss, who's boss.
B: you have THAT much problem with athority.
C: you really pulled the LSD trick. LSD breaks down in hot liquids. Olive garden soup = hot liquid.
D: you find it amusing to jack off in the ranch dressing.
Find yourself some maturity and a more believable story.
Submitted by Eric_the_Awful (user info) at 2005-01-26 17:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
LSD takes time to kick in. I've done enough to know that part...
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-26 17:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was the soup hot? Cause I'd call shenanigens if it was a real hot soup.. LSD is destroyed by heat. A cold soup is believably, definatly.
What does Tigre have to say about it?
SCHVEEEEEEET!