Blow Your Load at a Strip Club!! Also a Clam Whore! (3653 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.23 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by weddev15 (View user info) at 2005-01-27 00:07:51 EST
The question every guy must ask himself before he drops $20 on a lap dance is "Do I want to blow my load, or do I just want to have this girl give me a boner and tease me?"
Many guys go into lap dances hoping that they will blow their load. But, they do nothing to help themselves out with this matter and then leave the lap dance pissed off because they didn't blow anything but 20 bucks plus tip. They'll then try a different girl out, figuring it's the girl's fault and not theirs. WRONG!!!
1. Free balling is highly recommended, as well as is wearing any pants or shorts without zippers. Nothing feels good about having a metal zipper grind into your own dick, especially if you're free balling. Think! Assuming you're at a place with no dress code, mesh gym shorts and nylon jogging pants work amazingly well. Sure, you may look "out of place" with these things on, but who are you trying to impress? Remember, you're still gonna have to pay for these dances no matter what. You're either there to pick up the strippers or get your load out. They're not wearing much clothes, so why should you? If they're not shy, why should you be?
2. As you walk into the back with the girl of your choice, take your belt off and lay it down somewhere close to the bouncer so he won't suspect anything. The belt will only get in the way of her grinding and your boner.
3. Right when you sit down, tuck your cock up towards your bellybutton. Ya can't possibly enjoy a lap dance with it pointed down to the ground or to the sides. Get your money's worth! Don't be afraid to show the girl you're tucking it up. Show her you mean business, even if you have a boner right from the very start. And hey, there's no law prohibiting you from unbuttoning the top button of your pants or shorts either. Get comfortable and concentrate on getting wood.
4. If you really want to increase your chances of busting a nut, don't tell the stripper that you want two dances right from the beginning. In other words, don't tell her you want $40 worth, or two songs, right when you first sit down. Rather, see how good the first dance goes. If she gives you a boner, awesome. THEN tell her you want another dance immediately. Don't wait a second! But, if you didn't get excited from the first dance, abort the mission. It's not your night. If she didn't do it for you, nobody will. You could've taken your glasses off in the middle of the dance and imagined she was someone else, but in all actuality, it's time to go home. Why? Because you picked her, and in your mind, she's the hottest girl in the club, remember?!
5. Stick with one girl per night rather than try out a bunch of different girls. Listen, with the money you drop on getting four dances from four different girls ($80 + tips), you could have dropped on one girl alone. That's what it's all about, being smart. Get three or four dances in a row from one girl and you're pretty much guaranteed a "goo" time.
6. Many guys will get dances from three different girls and then get another second dance from the one girl that they liked the best. With every decision of trying out another girl comes waiting time, and in this waiting time what happens? Besides losing your hard on, you drop more and more money on drinks and dancer tips. So, go to the club knowing that you're gonna pick one girl and get dances from one girl only.
7. Once you or any guy in your party blows his load in his pants, it's time to leave. Mission accomplished.
8. If you're the lucky one, don't bother cleaning yourself up in the restroom or trying to hide it with your hands or clothes on the way out. Be proud of yourself. You've done what so many of us have tried to do. Congratulations, job well done.
User Reviews
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-02-10 16:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ive actually seen four at this point.
1. Plagiarising
2. Nudity without NSFW
3. Posting pictures were you are really attempting to kill yourself.
4. Anything that remotely resembles child pornography
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-28 20:07:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:03:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
You'll be getting -2's on everything you publish from here out. Plagiarism is one of ONLT TWO no-no's on ubersite. GL, I recommend abandoning this user name and starting over. Sorry.
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What's the second "no-no"? I'm aware of far more, but then again i've been here longer than 2 months.
Submitted by PhiTappaAss (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How do u sleep at nite plagarizer?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:22:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for the plagiarism
+2 for the pic - clearly you're also from the central IL area, since that club is in springfield?
= 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:19:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:07:43 (#)
Ranking: -2
oxygen thief
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HAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oxygen thief
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
please don't plagarize, it makes baby jeebus cry
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
too bad it was ripped off, i was getting ready to give you a +2
now you get
-2DIE!!
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:03:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You'll be getting -2's on everything you publish from here out. Plagiarism is one of ONLT TWO no-no's on ubersite. GL, I recommend abandoning this user name and starting over. Sorry.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-27 09:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
teh suck
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:34:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I KNEW this fucking dipshit didn't write this.
Haven't any of you read his prior "work"?
It ALL sucks.
Fucking plagiarizer...you should have your ass kicked.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.collegehumor.com/?textfile_id=101108
Plagiarizing bastard.
-2 DIE
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:40:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Strip Clubs are pointless. Prostitution should be legalized and regulated.
Maybe I'll save up some money and go out to Nevada in a year or two.
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It is, dicknose. We call it marriage.
Submitted by Lunch_Pail (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:28:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahaha comedy shit. great post. great pic.
one thing on the sign that was forgotten i beleive should have read: 2 ugly ones, and one extra busted bitch named cookielass, who will tickle you pickle for a nickle and if you give her a dime she will suck overtime.
good night.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:08:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
Bnlfanmatt is correct.
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Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bnlfanmatt is correct.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-01-27 02:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plagiarism? EVEN BETTER! I LOVE IT!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:49:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Strip clubs are the equivelant of charging a starving homeless person to sit in front of a piece of steak and telling him he can't eat it.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Strip Clubs are pointless. Prostitution should be legalized and regulated.
Maybe I'll save up some money and go out to Nevada in a year or two.
Submitted by bnlfanmatt (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.collegehumor.com/?textfile_id=101108
I knew I had read this recently, and yeah, I had.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be honest... I totally didn't read any of this and scrolled down to the bottome for the picture... which proceeded to crack me up.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying.
Immortal words from a great band.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo.
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3 ugly ones... that's awesome