My Professor Plagiarized Our Ubersite Writings, But I Obtained Sweet Revenge (3118 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.91 on 93 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TimeCop (View user info) at 2005-01-27 00:12:05 EST
Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I run back to my dorm after workouts to take a shower for my next class an hour later, "News Reporting and Writing." It's required for my major and I figured I would learn some valuable things. I jumped into the course with an outcome that could be found similar to a flaming duck landing in a gasoline pond.
Until today, I was completely wrong.
Up until today, we had finished, in just under two weeks, the information that was supposed to be covered in the first day of class. Information that was already beaten into our heads during "Intro to Journalism."
Perhaps the class would go a bit faster if Professor AHPB wasn't such an accented psycho.
We can barely understand this guy's accent. He is of some kind of Pakistani or Indian descent, and he lays it on thick. Normal words that any foreigner who watches American television can pronounce are hopelessly butchered and ravaged like a missing thong found in a college laundry room by a group of horny, sex-deprived freshmen.
As if the mispronunciations weren't overwhelming enough, he adds or subtracts syllables from words until they are totally unrecognizable. Here's an example of him asking us last week if we liked a certain restaurant.
Professor AHPB: Sooowa, you guysza li Waaaaau?
Class: Like what?
Professor AHPB: Waaaaau?
Class: Huh?
After about 5 minutes of him describing the restaurant, caveman-style with lots of pointing and arm-waving, we figured out that "Waaaaau" meant "Waffle House." For the sake of simplicity and ease of reading, I have translated the rest of his quotes into standard English.
Anyhow, Monday's class was an entire hour on the evils of plagiarism. He presented powerpoint slides, small video clips, and articles on the how plagiarism is detrimental to society as a whole. It made the whole thing more deliciously ironic and deviously rewarding.
This morning, Professor AHPB handed out a sheath of papers. "These are some funny little stories I have written to show you what a narrative is. I hope you enjoy them and get a feel for the writing you might have to do if you become a 'feature writer.'"
I picked up my sheath and started reading. It was an amusing little story called "Walmart Recon." It sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It was all about how he went to Walmart and a salesman was trying to get him to buy more things than he needed. Everyone in the room found it pretty funny as we continued on to the next writing.
This one was all about the political process, in which Ralph Nader, Candidate Zero, and a Miller Beer Corporate Spokesman were having a presidential debate. It seemed even more familiar than the last. It was called "You missed the real debate." Everyone had a good laugh, complimented to each other that hey, maybe this professor is cool after all.
Then I turned the page and my jaw nearly hit the floor. The next writing he had written was called "My McDonald's Has A Super Hero Duo."
Amazingly, except for a few details, the post has a striking resemblance, nay, a striking identicallity to my post of the same name (http://www.ubersite.com/m/55379)
I perused it in disbelief. He had changed some of the important facts to make the story fit his life. Going back through the other writings, he had also slightly-changed and plagiarized the first two writings as well. They can be found here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57631 and http://www.ubersite.com/m/46808
At this point I was a little shocked. After nearly an hour of hounding us about plagiarizing, he went and ripped off three writings from the same website and presented them as his own. Just copy and pasted the body of the work, wrote his name on them, and changed the facts that would give him away as a fraud.
I was willing to quietly discuss this with him in his office and give him a chance to apologize, but then this little conversation happened:
Random Guy: Hey, this is some funny stuff! Do you do this in your spare time?
Professor Ass Hole Plagiarizing Bastard: Oh yes, nearly every night. I don't publish things though, I just love to write. I wouldn't dream of trying to make money off of these, no matter how great people think my writings are.
That would not do. Like Dilbert, I sprung into action like a cheetah on a trampoline.
Me: Hey, are these those crazy people at the McDonald's on the north side of town?
Random Guy: Yeah, I've met them before!
Professor AHPB: Oh yes, I have dealt with them on numerous occasions.
Me: He, it's funny, I seem to have heard this before, like deja vu or something. Wait a second, do you know about an Internet site called Ubersite?
I had him like a deer in the headlights. But his misery was not to end just yet. I was going to lead on a roller coaster of false climaxes not seen since the days of my favorite porn "The Neverending Orgasm."
Professor AHPB: Well...uhm...
Me: Yeah! you're Timecop! Man, I love that stuff you write! That one about getting a vagina full of coke sprayed on you in 9th grade, that was great!
Professor AHPB: Oh, thank you. It pleases me...to have such a great fan of my work.
Me: Yeah, you're really great and...wait a minute, something is different here. You say you went to McDonald's with your girlfriend Mandy? I thought you went with your roommate Erick!
Professor AHPB: Ah, no I believe you are mistaken-
Me: Wait, we can just check the site and see some of your other stuff as well!
I jumped on the lab computer and with the help of my old friend, the video projector, had the front page of Ubersite displayed on the screen.
Random Sorority Girl: What does that mean? (pointing to the NSFW part of "Shlongy's Visit to Walmart - NSFW"
Me: Never you mind! On to your list of writings!
I accessed the McDonald's message and verified that he had changed it. Everyone was confused until I pulled my ace out.
I went to "Register / Login," typed in my user name and password, and hit "Login."
The words exploded onto the screen: "Welcome to Ubersite, Timecop!"
"Damn," I said. "It's probably not such a good idea to plagiarize the writings of one of your own students. That doesn't seem very scholarly, does it?"
After a few seconds of silence, Random Sorority Girl chipped in with her two cents. "Oh, he plagiarized it? That's not right! He just talked about that being bad or something!"
I don't think he's going to find it easy to motivate us to do any work in this class anymore.
On his professor evaluation in May, I plan to write "Plagiarism sucks. -2 DIE!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-10 11:43:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-27 09:44:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am not from Pakistan you mother bitches, I am from Vermont. You fucking....ahh Jihad on you Sir, Jihad on all you!!!!!
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Hahaha, he is funny guy, yah. its lotsa fuun.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:07:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
savesthedayjay.at.gmail.com keep me updated??
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-02-04 21:17:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha.
Good stuff. Thanks for quoting me on the femi post.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't believe you. But funny.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-31 03:34:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-01-31 03:26:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job!
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-01-31 00:38:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2005-01-30 14:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NERF PROFESARZ!
Submitted by SundanceKid (user info) at 2005-01-30 12:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please get a picture taken with him that says:
PWNED
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2005-01-30 03:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jcutter.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-01-29 17:22:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shweeeeeeet
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2005-01-29 02:40:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lnknptheory.at.gmail.com
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2005-01-29 02:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're the man yogi!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-29 02:10:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do a follow up post w/pictures.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-01-29 01:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-28 14:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At least he was smart about it: he stayed off of MVA and B@W. I get interviewed by Academic Affairs Monday.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, oops
+2
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:17:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Awesome! I dunno why he didn't plagiarize the uberdirectory though...
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sebcharrot.at.gmail.com
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a fucking son-of-a-bitch.
Right on woo!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The80sarestilldead.at.yahoo.com
Get him to mention me specifically. Screw Ubersite. That bastard owes me retribution.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TimeCop- I used to get some of out interns from GSU. I'm over on Hilton Head.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:31:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Guess what? Our WEbCT program just informed me that our class is "Temporarily Suspended Pending Official Involvement." Guess he either turned himself in or someone jumped the gun. In either case, this should make negotiations a little easier, unless he gets fired which he probably won't.
Submitted by Skippy (user info) at 2005-01-28 01:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOLD
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-28 01:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah, and...
sirencalling.at.gmail.com
Submitted by fieldsr (user info) at 2005-01-28 00:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Thats insane, +2
I've gotta see that letter:
fieldsr.at.gosaints.org
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-28 00:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-27 16:02:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
Allright, I just had a conversation with him after my history class and this might work out. And here's my favorite part: if all goes according to my plan, I'm going to get a picture of us together with him holding a sign that says "Sorry, Ubersite." I persoanlly think this would kick an extreme amount of ass.
______________________________
I WANT SPECIFIC NAMES!!!!
Sorry to Uber Siren, Uber Tinactin, and Uber TimeCop.
I'll not settle for less.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-01-28 00:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-01-27 22:04:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't wait to see one of these letters...
"Im sorry for stealing writing on your site... Bart.." - John Doe PHD.
"Btw, I like that pic of u as a girl, call me"
Sounds so... pathetic.
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2005-01-27 21:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Plagiarism sucks. -2 DIE!"
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-01-27 20:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-01-27 19:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:08:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you more than I love taffy.
...and I'm a man who loves his taffy.
(I wrote that myself)
-----------------------------
Heeeeyyyy... Wait a minute... AHA! Adam West, mayor of Qahog, Rhode Island, home to the Griffins.
For the scan letter thingy: marley.lives.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2005-01-27 19:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
different computer...different +2
lindserella_0918.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-27 16:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Allright, I just had a conversation with him after my history class and this might work out. And here's my favorite part: if all goes according to my plan, I'm going to get a picture of us together with him holding a sign that says "Sorry, Ubersite." I persoanlly think this would kick an extreme amount of ass.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-27 15:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jgreening072.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-01-27 14:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2005-01-27 14:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that is awesome.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-01-27 12:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe everything is in order here. (+2)
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-01-27 12:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
god damned hippy professors and their plagiarizing.
+2 for Ubersite.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-27 12:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the letter and other various love notes:
NerfHerder.at.comic.com
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-27 12:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have I mentioned yet how much you rock?
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2005-01-27 11:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hard to believe, but still a good post.
I would've made some money on the deal if I were you. Just last week I charged a woman in a Lexus who "bumped" another Lexus in my parking lot $300 to keep my mouth shut. People are scared shitless of the law.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ILL34GL3 (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:04:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
Foreign professors suck. I don't know how these fuckers get hired when they can barely speak english. I doubt this is true but it made me laugh once.
--------------------------------------------
That's why I haven't learned a single thing in Algebra for the past school year. Also, send me the scan: robosteve.at.gmail.com
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:40:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mitchapalooza: We were in the IRC lab. The projector is on whenever anyone is in there due to the fact that most professors don't even know how to turn it on. The staff sets up the computer connection so they don't have to spend 20 minutes waiting for each professor to screw up the cords.
Everyone who wants to see the letter: Leave me your email and I will scan a copy and send it to you when I get it. Either that, or I'll do a follow up post sometime soon.
BoogieFevuh: I quite enjoy salt-water taffy. Always get it when I go to Jekyll Island.
Siren: Hey, amybe I should put that in our list of demands: one +2 every day for life.
Shlongy: Yep, Georgia Southern University. After this whole things was through, I think she's gonna go back to ubersite so she can find out exactly what NSFW means.
ess-arr: Credits to Dilbert and Scott Adams for that one.
DeathJester: Erick's computer teacher talks about "manufacturing," but every time he says it, it sounds like "motherfuckery." Cracks him up every time.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-27 10:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At Loughborough Uni there's an Engineering professor who's Chinese who started at the beginning of the year... His accent is far too think to understand and he speaks far too fast anyway. They're trying to get him fired for ruining their chances at getting a 1st.
I'm sorry, "You wan work Inglan'"? Learn to speak the fucking language.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-27 09:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Flippin' sweet.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-27 09:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am not from Pakistan you mother bitches, I am from Vermont. You fucking....ahh Jihad on you Sir, Jihad on all you!!!!!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-27 09:26:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
like a cheetah on a trampoline.
---------------------------
I'd really like to see that.
oh and way to put tem damn teachers in our place, huh?
good show... clap clap clap clap
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:58:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-27 04:35:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans!
And B@W!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what you get for going to Southern.
Just kidding.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy was mentioned in CLASS? Outstanding!
Are you at Georgia Southern by any chance?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-27 08:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-01-27 05:34:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call bullshit here, but give me some proof and I will
uh
Just give me proof.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-01-27 04:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nooooooooooooo way
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-27 04:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans!
And B@W!
Submitted by Mitchapalooza (user info) at 2005-01-27 04:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
a +1 cause it made me smile... but until you post 'proof' of this incident... I'm definitely going to call some shaninigans on ya.
PS they hold a journalism class in a lab?? where you have access to internet and projectors? Even if you're talented with computer hookups etc... it still takes about 5min to set everything up to project the screen blahblah... What was the prof just standing there, waiting to be humiliated and not going on with the class? what kind of college is this?
Shananigans indeed. but a good read.
Submitted by VoRn (user info) at 2005-01-27 04:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was just good.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-27 04:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahahaha!!! Thanks for the link. Like I'm not going to +2 this. Now everyone go give all those links +2s.
Submitted by IcyBlackHand (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're the heir of sideburns or comicbookguy
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to ace that class.
-Dave
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Plagarism is bad mmkay.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:29:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-01-27 03:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you more than I love taffy.
...and I'm a man who loves his taffy.
(I wrote that myself)
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-01-27 02:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-01-27 02:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, B@W fully.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-27 02:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You rule.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:52:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get over yourself.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ehhh, I'll believe it once we get the scanned letter that is sent to Bart.
Even so, quite a good story.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your professor didn't steal that political post from me, as I am in actuality, your professor.
You'll be getting negative marks for this.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:36:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
imaginative and well written...I am not sure I believe it though.
-B
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hee hee hee hee
I want MY stuff plaigiarized by a professor!
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did your professor claim to hang his Red Sox hat from his boner when they won the World Series?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:09:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Try having your parents read your posts to your family at the reunion and claim it's theirs. Talk about bullshit...
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ILL34GL3 (user info) at 2005-01-27 01:04:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Foreign professors suck. I don't know how these fuckers get hired when they can barely speak english. I doubt this is true but it made me laugh once.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FunnyAsCancer: We can't possibly be UberBuddies until we have masturbated to pictures of the Olsen twins while bathing in the blood of the Bush daughters. Let's put that on the calander.
Saxon: Yeah, I've not been able to write much due to a combination of school, work, and having some disease that makes me vomit and cough up blood. Going to Health Services on campus made it worse, and I could barely breath for a few days after seeing them.
QueenSkye: Hell fucking yeah I should get an A. That's some first-class whistle-blowing right there.
Jo_of_the_golden_P: I'll do my best. If he refuses to do anything, I'd like to see this in the papers.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG LYKE THIS IS TOTAL SHENNNNNANIGAAANS.
Everything you ever wanted to know about TimeCop
User id: 13213
Registered on or around: 2004-10-23 21:04:59
# Messages posted: 14
# Reviews written: 362
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 468
# Hits: 34920
Average rating of all messages: 1.83
You sicken me. But oddly enough, I wonder why we aren't UberBuddies.
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I so hope this is true.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is fucking awesome lol. I love it.
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you plan to keep us posted on this as it happens
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:30:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus God almighty.
Submitted by Adjomak (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:29:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Revenge is sweet. Stick it to him
Submitted by QueenSkye (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so how does it feel to have your work stolen by the teacher? you sure as hell better get an A in that class...
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:25:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This could not possibly be true, but it made for a great story.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock on.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It is completely true. The only reason I didn't say his name is because my entire class is negotiating with him. If we get what we want, he has to 1) Admit his misdeeds to Academic Affairs at the University 2) Write apology letters to the students he showed the writings to 3) Send email apologies to the people he plagiarized, and possibly Bart as well.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow how cute. Good job man.
I have been wondering where you have been, havnt seen a post from you in a while.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Owned.
This better be true.