Oh the shame (401 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.67 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by titmouse (View user info) at 2005-01-28 10:37:33 EST
right ive written this really quickly so forgive my shitty spelling and grammar.
Right, I was on the dole about 4-5 years ago after I finished uni and I was still in uni mode, I was having a really good time and generally enjoying myself. I was trying to get it on with my ex sinead at the time but we were really close friends so I thought I needed to start seeing someone else, either to get my mind off shin or to make shin jealous so she would want me.....
So anyways, I used to work part time for a record company called sophonic records, I used to do the art work and promotional stuff for them which meant I had a few contacts, so that was the kind of life I had at that point, lots of drugs and lots of fun and believe it or not I was as confident as I am today but all the time.
So I used to sign on every Wednesday at 11 or something like that, and everytime I was there, there was also this girl there, nice girl very pretty blonde hair, smiled whenever I saw here (obviously my brain is going, she wants me) so I signed on for about 4 weeks and I started thinking right im gonna do something...
So I signed on and walked slooowwwlllyyy down the road hoping she would catch me up, sure enough she caught me up, a lovely sunny day, I was beaming and I said, "err I don't suppose you fancy a drink do you?" and she went "yeh, go on then" so now im like oh yeh he shoots he scores. So we walk down to the coronation in southport and I buy us both drinks and we start chatting...
It turns out she is trying to be a dj so we get on well and start talking about drum and bass and the record label I work for and its all good, she then goes "do you want my number" and im like "yeah go on then mate" so I get her number and we chat for a bit longer and she say "ive just got to make a quick phone call" so im like yeh ok. So she goes...about 10 minutes later im thinking, where the fook is she? About 15 minutes later im thinking hmmmm, so I ring my mate mando, he's laughing his head off goin, get the hell out of there mate hahaha she's done one. but then I notice her jacket and im like "yeah but she left her jacket" so then he's saying "my god you were that boring that she even left her jacket" im not laughing my head off sat on my own in this pub...
So I sat for another 15 minutes and finished another pint thinking what if she's been hurt or something, in the end I just left and handed in her jacket behind the bar and did a walk of shame to the door. I rang her that night but the number was not existent so I was oh my god mando was right. Mando still rings me to this day and puts on a girls voice and says "have you got my jacket?"
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-31 14:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What does "on the dole" mean?
it's like welfare, but for british people
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you work for a record company at any level, even promotion and in any fashion does any member of the opposte sex say "I'm a/an [insert musician title here]" while you're on a date or out for a drink, laugh and tell her to fuck right off: you don't fuck with groupies just tryin to get signed/promoted, etc. Any any any. Just a suggestion.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Income support.
The stoners choice.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:59:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny.
What does "on the dole" mean?
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Can't take credit for the comment...came from rollerboognish.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was really hard to follow.
Vomit's comment is awesome, too.
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i should have just glassed her as soon as we sat down. but you always think of these things afterwards.
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:47:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no i didnt actually soley, but i fooking should have
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's so sad.
I'm sorry!
Well, -2 on her.
That bitch.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Did you check the pockets before handing the jacket in?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:42:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what vomit said
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What the deuce, good fellow? If perchance they are propelling themselves toward you, it can be readily inferred that their motivation is an irresistible desire for some unspecified thing. Is it not more seemly that you should be their champion and benefactor than that they should become urchins, skulking about the slums, forsooth?