You Can't Eat With Your Hands, But They Can Serve You Your Just Desserts (1018 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by NerfHerder <NerfHerder.at.comic.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-28 10:39:46 EST
I smashed into my opponent's face, causing a battle of bone versus bone. But with knuckles and fingers properly aligned, my bones formed a stronger team than that of the jaw. As I continued to move forward, my momentum carried my unstoppable mass of bone into the breakable mass of the jaw. The jaw creaked one half second, and then popped out of its socket with a sickening ploop the half second after that.
The blow hurt me almost as much as it hurt the jaw, but I was at the point where my knuckles had become bloody and just wanted to finish things.
A broken jaw usually does the trick.
I saw my opponent's hands mount his face, confirming what thousands of nerves had reported to him already. He tried to speak, but the pain of moving a broken jaw can often persuade people to be silent.
Instead, his eyes did his talking for him. They were still filled with the anger of minutes passed, but now an aura of inferiority filled them as well. Together, they inspired pity.
Therefore, I unclenched myself and dropped to the side, letting my fingers dangle and enjoy a well deserved rest. As of now, there was no swelling or real pain to speak of. The adrenaline of battle pulsed the strongest through MY veins and MY capillaries. When those capillaries broke, it only gave more fuel to me as a whole.
You've never met another hand like me.
I belong to the worst bully at Beechwood High School, Sammy Marcolves. Ever since second grade, I've gotten Sammy into trouble. Psychiatrists and parents and teachers and friends all thought that Sammy's problem was in his mind. They thought that they could cure him by talking to him and asking him what he "thought" about certain subjects. But they never suspected the hand. They never do.
And yet, the hand is the most important tool for a young boy. Without my iron grip, Sammy would never be able to hold the forks that shovel steaks and babies into his waiting mouth. Without my velvet touch, Sammy would not be able to gratify his sexual urges. Without my supreme power, Sammy would be a nice boy on the way to college and a life worth living.
I shudder to think what could've been.
The first time I talked to Sammy about "us" was back in second grade. His mother, Mrs. Marcolves, was trying to entertain Sammy during a rainy day. She decided that a good way to do this would be by drawing a face on her hand and then making it talk to Sammy for his amusement. Sammy was amused. The plan had worked perfectly. But the short term solution had created a long term problem, as many do.
Sammy asked to have a face drawn onto his own hand, and I was born. Sammy's mom was immediately shocked by the things that came out of my mouth, through Sammy's.
"I want to kill you," was one of my first and most favorite phrases.
The good Mrs. Marcolves was not fond of it. She made Sammy see the school psychiatrist due to her own lack of funds, which only prompted Sammy to be teased by the other children.
The plan had worked perfectly. But the short term solution had created a long term problem, as many do.
That taunting and teasing gave Sammy just the right kind of edge for the work that I wanted to do. Some would call me masochistic, but no hand wants to be used as just a sex toy all his life. I've been battered and bruised worse than Sammy's face in the majority of the fights, but I love each one more than the last.
A fight is a lot like a snowflake, no two are alike and they're a lot more fun when they occur in big groups.
But, with Sammy's angry blood and my perfectly aligned knuckles, Sammy has the whole school for an enemy without so much as a close acquaintance who would fight by his side.
So when the entire school decided to gang up on us one day, I knew I had my work cut out for me.
Billy Pincioti started things off by punching Sammy in the back of the head as Sammy was stealing lunch money from a girl on the see-saw. Sammy spit out his gum as he turned around, more in anger than in surprise. Sammy kissed me as I aligned and braced myself. I swiftly broke Billy's nose and watched him retreat to the recesses of the playground.
Now there was a circle around us.
An ambush!
Dozens of eyes waiting for Sammy to look them back in the eye, the universal precursor to a fight of any kind. Even I was staring down the other fists in the audience. I saw a class ring here or there and began to worry about our chances in this fight. I mean, there's nobody that can beat me and Sammy 1 on 1, or even 2 or 3 on 1. But when you have a few dozen kids encircling just one boy and his fist, things might get messy.
"This is the end, Marcolves," said a Blonde haired kid that appeared to be a little taller than the rest. "We're tired of your bullying. And while maybe one of us could never beat you alone, we all plan to royally kick your ass now."
"Oh yeah," said Sammy, "Yo' momma!" Not the shrewdest linguist, Sammy was, but he was quick on his feet. I was plunging deep into the Blonde kid's eye socket before he even knew what was happening.
And the fight was on.
Immediately, we were rushed on all sides. Girls, boys, freshman, seniors, teachers, janitors, they all wanted blood.
But so did I.
I targeted people, one by one, like a primitive sniper. Usually, I nailed them right in the temple and watched them fall as I was scanning for my next target.
Suddenly, I felt 20 fists of fury and their shockwaves flow through Sammy's body. This was a situation that had to be rectified. The shock waves could throw off my accuracy, after all. Sammy turned to face the new foe.
It was a small girl, not older than 7. But she had to go. Sammy smiled at the little girl and knelt down next to her. He put his ear against her chest and began to snap me in an indiscernible rhythm. He removed his ear from the girl's chest, but I kept on snapping.
Sammy brought me back, with a look of extreme concentration in his face, as if he were actually being challenged, and thrusted me forward slightly to the left of center in the girl's chest. Why? I didn't know. I just followed orders.
I saw the look on the girl's face change from one of confusion to one of panic and terror. The girl clutched at her chest and started hitting herself in the chest. She then collapsed on the stone, ice cold.
Then the realization seemed to hit me just as it hit the crowd. Sammy had killed her. He had used me to punch the girl right in her heart at the exact time when the heart was constricting and completely vulnerable.
For a second, I admired Sammy for being able to be lucky enough and smart enough to hit the girl's heart at the precise moment. But at the same time, I began to resent Sammy. I mean, perhaps I was the one that drove him to this. Perhaps I had made him...a killer. Maybe if I had just shut my mouth for all of these years, that little girl would still be alive.
Well no more. I decided right then and there that I was done. I decided to waste the calluses that I had developed over the years and the knowledge of how to properly break a nose so that it doesn't heal as fast or as straight. But that was it. I was done.
I realized that I was the bad guy. All of this time, I had assumed that me and Sammy were fighting together for the common good. But no, we were the ones that everyone feared. We were the ones that had no just cause. We were the ones that were causing others misery just for sport.
The crowd, after the shock had worn off, had degenerated into a mob mentality. They wanted blood for blood. They rushed Sammy, who was mentally ready. He attempted to bring me up to his face to fight, but I wouldn't come.
THWACK. Sammy took a shot right in his left eye. BAM. Again on the forehead. SMACK. Right in the kisser. GUMPH. A nasty uppercut.
People saw that Sammy wasn't fighting back and only wailed on him more. The onomatopoeias rained down upon Sammy with more fury than I had ever dispatched on a foe myself.
Sammy got sucked up into the mob, and got pushed down. Fists were flying from all around. So I decided to get it on the action. I felt bad about the idea at first, but as I saw more and more inexperienced fists trying to knock out Sammy, I knew I was the only one that could.
My knuckles flew at Sammy's face and hit him right between the eyes. The hit surely phased him, but the knowledge that his own fist had turned against him was even more painful.
He looked at me with the same look that the little girl had given him as I punched him once more between the eyes. Sammy was now crying, his tears blood red. They were running down his face, collecting on the pavement below us.
Sammy tried to act brave, as did I, but we were both scared. We both knew that if he were hit by me one more time, then that'd be it. His brain would be dead, and since I was controlled by the brain, so would I.
I aligned my knuckles for the last time, clenched myself so tight that my fingernails bored into my palm, and struck.
Sammy's eyes closed slowly, as the crowd around him dispersed and went back to their playground games.
User Reviews
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-02-11 01:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding work sir.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-02-11 00:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got my just desserts. I am now.... dead.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-03 18:42:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-29 14:12:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another for me being such a fucking dumbass.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-29 14:11:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this so much that I've read it ten times. But I keep fucking forgeting to rate it. I am a stupid ass. Damnit.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOOOOOOOLLLD! Totally kickass post -- except for the expertly assassinating the little girl part. That just didn't fit.
"But they never suspected the hand. They never do. " --> fucking brilliant
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<insert witty comment here>
Submitted by Phyllis (user info) at 2005-01-28 22:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
platonic love
Submitted by xtremecowboy (user info) at 2005-01-28 21:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"But they never suspected the hand. They never do."
What the hell is wrong with you????
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Just fucking awesome.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-01-28 16:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PWNED
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:26:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pwesome
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-28 12:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Donkey, along with your thunder, I also stole 3 of your cabbage patch dolls. We'll negotiate their return this weekend.
And wanderingsharps, this post was 4 full pages long (in MS Word), just for reference.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-01-28 12:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-28 12:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2005-01-28 12:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
superb.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<cough> stop stealing my thunder <cough>
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason, this post would be better if you were black.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:33:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You officially fucking rule.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:32:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
superb...
Submitted by Jugzy_Malone (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why doesn't my fist talk to me?
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I eat with my hands so fuck you bitch
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:06:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
show off
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:04:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very good.
i find it's hard writing a decent peice for a submit-
too short and it's crap, too long and poeple get bored-
it's funny to think that 2 pages or more is long for a submit.
I think your peice was the right length, well done and written great.
hope to read more...
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.. just nice.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-28 11:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of your best. Haunting and engrossing.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:59:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
little known fact, that fist was reincarnated into Butterbean's fist
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ummmmm....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where does Sammy reside today?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't attach pictures with my posts.
More often than not, they detract from the last line(s) of the story and really, in essence, do not add a damn thing.
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:48:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It would've been cool to have a picture with this.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-28 10:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
body blow