How To Read Your W-2 (670 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.6 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by earache agnew <emangevine.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-28 13:48:39 EST
How to Read a W-2
A W-2 is sent to every employee who is not an independent contractor. Understanding your W-2 is important when you prepare your tax returns.
Critical Information
Steps:
1. Look at box e to make sure you are the proper recipient of the W-2. If your name or address are incorrect, you may want to ask for a corrected version. However, If the name printed in box e is Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, or Paula Abdul, you must return any monies paid to you in the last calendar year. Your occupation does not fit current IRS guidelines for "employment".
2. Look at box d to make sure your Social Security number is correct. It is very important that the number is exactly correct. The FBI can not accurately track your movements if you do not report this number correctly .
3. Look at box c for the name and address of your employer. Sometimes the employer uses an official name for tax purposes with which you are unfamiliar. Example: Bob's House of Bondage may file taxes under the legal name of "Robert's Fine Leathercrafts".
4. Read box 1 to determine the amount of your wages or salary. This box will also include tips you reported to your employer and other forms of compensation. This box has the amount of money on which you pay income taxes. Tip: Do not get excited about this number until you read lines 5-8.
5. Read box 2 to see how much federal income tax was withheld from your wages during the year. You have already paid this amount. You may get some of this back, or you may have to pay more. If you must pay more, and would like to make this process more exciting for both the IRS and yourself, please stop by "Robert's Fine Leathercrafts" on your way home.
6. Look at box 16 to make sure the state code is for the state in which you worked during the tax year. If you worked in a state with no state income tax, you are one lucky son of a bitch. If you worked in two or more states with state income taxes, every state should be listed on one or more W-2s. Locating and deciphering multiple W-2s may be painful, but we here at the IRS take a philosophical stance on pain. As the Marquis de Sade once said, "It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure."
7. Look at box 17 to determine your compensation that is subject to state income tax. Your compensation may be split between states if you are a congressman or some other such phony, money-grubbing douchebag.
8. Look at box 18 to determine what amount has been withheld from your wages for state income taxes. You have already paid this amount. You may get some back, or you may have to pay more. What, you already bought a new flat-screen TV with your "refund"? You might want to go back and check that math, there, bucko.
9. Look at box 15 to see what box or boxes have been checked. If the statutory employee box is checked, see a tax preparer. Usually this is only for drivers who distribute fresh foods (also known as "pizza delivery guys"), some traveling salespersons ("prostitutes"), life insurance salespersons ("Mafioso")and homeworkers employed for needlework ("drug dealers"). If the deceased box is checked, the IRS will believe you are dead. This is as good as things will ever get, so enjoy it.
10. The amounts in boxes 3 and 5 are, generally, your total income for the year from this employer. These amounts are often different from the amount of taxable income shown in box 1 (and box 17) because you have been bent over a tree stump by an IRS agent and rogered repeatedly without the aid of lubricant. Bet that "deceased" box is looking pretty good right about now, isn't it?
11. If you have any further questions, kindly keep them to yourself. The IRS is tired of your bitchin', ya hear? Don't make us get up out of this chair and teach you what crying is really about. Now get us a beer, bitch, and it better be cold this time.
User Reviews
Submitted by HillBoyJr (user info) at 2005-02-01 09:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
since i'm reading the same paper....
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-31 17:24:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My wife has to deal with the dept. supervisors who want special bonuses paid out and such, but can't be bothered to fill out the proper paperwork. She usually stonewalls them until they call her wuss supervisor who tells her to "just go ahead and process it". I hate weasely bosses who can't abide by their own rules.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-31 17:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear this too, Sam works in payroll. He doesn't understand why someone can have the wrong SSN for an entire year and then freak out when it's wrong on the W2.
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-28 19:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I must now hitwhore.
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-28 15:53:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-28 14:57:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can you please go over number 4 with me, once again, in more detail?
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Ahhhherrruummmmm...... no.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-01-28 15:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was going to be about Bush's 2nd term - Dubya2?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-28 14:57:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can you please go over number 4 with me, once again, in more detail?
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-01-28 14:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post. Here is what happens to me every year because I neither own a home, am a minority, nor do I impregnate random slores in hopes of having numerous ugly babies.
Uncle Sam, being the greedy fucker that he is takes about $12,000.00 from me annually. I do not pay taxes; they are stolen from me, to buy such necessities as $1,000.00 toilet seats for shitty Congressmen and baby formula for welfare mothers who cannot keep their legs closed nor their sexual impulses in check.
Upon reviewing the joke that is my W-2, I proceed to have a hearty chuckle after realizing how badly I am getting fucked. I prepare my own taxes every year as accountants and tax-preparers seem to bludgeon me further with the amount that I'll presumably owe. After preparing my returns, my head fills with lustful hatred as I write the checks for about a grand to Uncle Sam and a couple hundred to the state of Maryland.
I love my freedom to bitch about these types of things publicly and would not want to live anywhere else in the world, besides the Caribbean. I really need to buy a house. Or get a dependant. Think my chinchilla could be a deduction?
The IRS. Pissing me off, one paycheck at a time. Sorry, I had to vent. Good day.
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-28 14:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's kind of dry because I took the original information from a document distributed at work and altered it for teh hUmmorz.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-01-28 14:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun
of the way I talk -- probably -- now he steals my right to raise a
disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!
-- Homer Simpson
Two Bad Neighbors
Hahahaaha, who knew that would be a relevant comment so many years after the episode?
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 #2 #2 #2 #2 #2 #2!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:54:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So much information, so little interest.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-28 13:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hillarious