A Tough Journey (455 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.5 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Diana Farris <Sour_Dragonfly.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-28 17:31:29 EST
I grumbled as I took the first step off the bus. Rain. I glared at the ground and slowly pulled my hood over my head, not that it made much difference.
It was a long way home from where I was standing, and it would be a tough journey, what with all the puddles and water and such.
A car drove by, and I was angry that they didn't even have the courtesy to stop and give me a ride, and much more angry that the jackass splashed water all over my body that was made of pure sugar, and would surely melt if it came in contact with any water.
"HEY YOU DOUCHE BAG, WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE GOING!"
The car's break lights came on, the stranger rolled down the window and stuck his head out of the car. It was a devastatingly good looking stranger I must say.
"Douche Bag? Get in the car kid"
"I'm not getting in the car with you!" I screamed, "I don't even know where the fuck you came from."
"If I wanted to kill you, I would've made my move already, now get in."
I got in, hell, I'd led a good life. He had made his point as far as I was concerned.
"So, what's your name?" He asked finally breaking the ice.
"I'm not telling you..."
"Oh c'mon"
I said nothing.
"So...where are we going?"
"Um...down this road, and then--HOLY FUCK"
He slammed on the breaks, my body lunged forward, realizing at that moment how much seatbelts actually mattered.
There were two men standing in front of the car. They were both masked and I could only assume they were criminals. They both held lethal weapons.
"Drive!" I screamed, but it was too late, they already had us trapped. They opened the driver's side door.
"Give me the fucking keys."
I was frozen with terror. I watched the stranger as he slowly took the keys out of the ignition, and handed them to the criminal. The criminal then pulled the stranger out of the car, threw him on the ground, and immediately shot him in the head.
"Scream, and you'll end up like him" he said, starting the car. My eyes wandered to the stranger's body on the ground, he would forever be known as my stranger.
The criminal's accomplice got in the back seat and I was sure his job was to watch my every move.
I tried pleading with the criminals in every possible way, but they weren't interested in negotiating. The second criminal, in the backseat, blindfolded me. Darkness. I was sure they would kill me, but alas, I heard no evidence of them stopping the car, or making any advances on me. The car was still moving. As long as the car was moving, I was safe.
Finally we came to a stop.
"Get out." he said, I could only assume he was speaking to me.
I did my best to get out of a car with a blindfold on. He then took the blindfold off. My eyes met with the criminal and his accomplice again.
"Are you going to rape me?" I asked.
"No." the criminal said, "We're not going to rape you"
"Well...are you going to kill me?"
"Haven't decided yet, just get out of here."
"What?"
"I said get out of here, just go home kid"
With that, they both got in the stranger's car, and sped away. I was alone, cold, and had no idea where I was. I then sat down and cried, like a little girl, I cried, alone feeling sorry for myself. I was mad at myself, mad that I had taken the ride from the late stranger. Mad that I didn't do something to help him, not that there was much to do. Mad that I hadn't struggled.
This, was a tough journey indeed.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-29 11:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This started bad...and as hard as it is to believe, actually got worse.
I've read works by 6 year olds that had more of a story line.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-29 04:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-28 18:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
As much I as wanted to pop your cherry and give you your first (of many) -2s, this wasn't a bad little nugget of a story.
Breezy dialogue, yet no plot whatsoever.
Keep trying.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm hoping this is fiction... if so, with no rape and only one killing, you're gonna have a lot of male uberers left unfulfilled.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, why don't things happen to people on Ubersite on bright, sunny days? All the stories have rain and/or darkness...
Anyway, you tried. This story would have been more realistic if you included pee breaks, and screaming. You know, reality. That's the shitty thing about good fiction, it has to make sense & be believable (unlike actual reality). And after they shot the guy, nothing else really happened - they let you go. Boooooooooring.
Don't get into cars with strangers. Welcome to Ubersite.
Study this; http://www.ubersite.com/m/51940
Everyone should study that.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...and a 2 for the story itself.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You deserve a +2 just for FINALLY growing the balls to post something.