Liberate the balls. (649 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.8 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack-ass Frost "Well........ fuck." (View user info) at 2005-01-28 20:55:49 EST
It was 2:30 in the morning.......
Mike and me were smashed out of our minds......
As usual........
We stumbled out of the bar after realizing we had work in the morning.....
We got in my car, and we headed off. I made it to Mike's house and dropped him off when I realized I had a serious case of diarrhea. Instead of busting through Mike's now closed front door I sped off toward the closest bathroom I knew of.
The Wal-Mart facilities........
I entered the amazingly not-so-busy super center in as good of a sprint as a drunken man could manage and cut right. Quickly I passed by several onlookers and the normal shelves along the walls of the entrance containing junk only idiots and parents buy. Then I noticed the bouncy balls in the tall cage. I thought nothing of the confined objects as there were much more important matters to attend to.
I busted through the doors of the men's bathroom with great desire and sat down in the first stall I found. With the condition I was in I had plenty of time to think about anything I wanted to. I thought about the $2.00 bouncy balls.
"These poor beasts," I thought as my intestines emptied themselves, "Caged like, like animals." The thoughts ran through my mind. Then focusing in on my plan of action I yelled "I SHALL LIBERATE THE BALLS!!!"
Finishing my "business" up I got out of the stall without washing my hands. I stumbled down the walkway toward the direction of the east exit and found the caged balls. "I will not stand for this. Enough!" I said in my drunken rage and held a fist-clenched hand into the sky not noticing the cashiers and customers staring at me.
"I MUST LIBERATE THE BALLS!!!!!!!!!" I shouted and pulled down the cage releasing the 1ft tall balls from their confinements. I pulled the remaining balls in the cage out and started launching them in the direction of the back of the store.
I didn't realize a clerk that was using the phone at the cash register was calling security or anyone to help sustain me. As I threw the final ball I was tackled from my left and went down fighting for my bouncy ball brethren. "SET THEM FREE!!!" I shouted as finally a security guard with some object I don't recall knocked me out.
I am not welcome back in that Wal-Mart store.
User Reviews
Submitted by Mr.JackassFrost (user info) at 2005-01-29 12:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-29 09:48:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do people think that giving something a name gives liscense to dismiss it? You see a mailbox, a blue Ford, a stop sign, a German Shepard. What do these things mean? "Who gives a fuck?!" you say, "They are what they are." And by that you mean they are what you say. But when you look at a mailbox, is a mailbox really what you see? or do you see a large bulky wooden structure with a hinge? Or do you simply see lines? Do you simply see light? How can we dismiss a mailbox as such when there are so many other characteristics to it? Look at the details, the tiny engravings by the wind, rain, things that have scraped into it. This is not a large red block you can label as "mailbox", but it is many things, many parts, many stories; an infinite amount of stories. When you look in a mirror, you label the mirror as one piece, one object, distinct from everything around it. However, if you were to place a symmetrical object infront of a single colored surface, would you not descern a "mirror"? Just how important are these labels? What do they even mean? That is the problem; we label them before they have a meaning, expecting a meaning to come later. This is a fiction. Tell me what you think.
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Wow, that was one....... unique review. Thanks though for the plus 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-29 09:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do people think that giving something a name gives liscense to dismiss it? You see a mailbox, a blue Ford, a stop sign, a German Shepard. What do these things mean? "Who gives a fuck?!" you say, "They are what they are." And by that you mean they are what you say. But when you look at a mailbox, is a mailbox really what you see? or do you see a large bulky wooden structure with a hinge? Or do you simply see lines? Do you simply see light? How can we dismiss a mailbox as such when there are so many other characteristics to it? Look at the details, the tiny engravings by the wind, rain, things that have scraped into it. This is not a large red block you can label as "mailbox", but it is many things, many parts, many stories; an infinite amount of stories. When you look in a mirror, you label the mirror as one piece, one object, distinct from everything around it. However, if you were to place a symmetrical object infront of a single colored surface, would you not descern a "mirror"? Just how important are these labels? What do they even mean? That is the problem; we label them before they have a meaning, expecting a meaning to come later. This is a fiction. Tell me what you think.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-01-29 09:36:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm gonna fuck up a Walmart today as a show of solidarity.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-01-29 05:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mr.JackassFrost (user info) at 2005-01-28 23:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmmm, 69 hits and only two real reviews. What's up with that?
Submitted by Mr.JackassFrost (user info) at 2005-01-28 22:19:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm either a laugh it up drunk or a drunk like this post shows. This wasn't the only time I have done something like this.
One time Mike and I played football in a convenient store, drunk of course, and left the store with a broken freezer door and every shelf fallen over inside it.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-01-28 22:16:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The problem with me and drinking is that I either get quietly chatty or else I get into hijinks like this. There is no middle ground. It's calm conversation or completely out of hand ravaging of the earth.
Submitted by Mr.JackassFrost (user info) at 2005-01-28 21:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't know how true this story is.
Those people will never forget that day.
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2005-01-28 21:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Random enough to be true. Possibly. Awesome story.