Things I learned from living in a hippy crash-house (3288 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.42 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom <theubertom.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-29 00:34:32 EST
I stayed in a house in Sedona, Arizona over the New Year that my brother was house sitting for. It is a very scenic place with all the red rocks and forests. You can climb on the big plateau looking rocks and just sit, looking out across the town, which is relatively small, and just observe.
The town is generally small, as I said, and is a tourist trap which is very recent (we're talking in the last 10 years or less) and it has the tourist Olde Towne Shoppes ande othere suche fancye thingse that practically grabbed any outsider by the balls and drug them in. You can buy magical Native things for far too much and put it on your wall as a decoration at home.
Something I noticed was the odd amount of kids my age from the Navajo reservation out selling things that they or their families made.
Anyway, I'm going to get back to this house. There were two dogs and a macaw in the house. The macaw was Rio, and then there was Marshmallow the poodle and Shadow the old golden retriever. We promptly renamed Marshmallow "Pancake" and I called Shadow "Reverend" but that never really caught on. Rio was loud as hell. If he knew someone was home and wasn't paying attention to him, he would scream so loud the entire neighborhood could hear it.
The house had a trampoline and a hot tub so there was always given reprieves from any stressors.
The woman who my brother was house sitting for allowed him to bring people into the house for extended periods of time. My brother and I have a lot of homeless hippy friends, and the hippies were homed, ladies and gentlemen. They made themselves riiiight at home. Every single day, repeatedly throughout the day and all night, the joints and bongs and what would be pulled out and everyone would sit around in a circle and smoke, which brings me to my first learned experience:
Experience #1: "We like to share weed"
At first I thought it was a fad for homeless hippies to smoke marijuana, then I realized that's why they were homeless hippies. Sort of a "I smoke therefore I am" deal. These people, in some cases, couldn't even control their own mental need for marijuana, citing the "I don't know how I'd live without it" mind set. I believe strongly that drugs aren't bad, but I'd vouch that in this case, drugs'r bad. It was just too much. Everything is good in moderation, sans dog poop.
The second thing I noticed was that after they took a puff, they liked to hand it off. The first person they always handed it to was ME of course. I mean, look at me. You'd think by how I look that I want to put your spit germs in my mouth and get stoned with you. The only time an expression is funny, other than the one a woman gives while giving head, is the expression that these stoning individuals have when they are looking at you and passing you the smoking apparatus. It's hard to explain, but I imagine almost all of you reading have seen this expression. I couldn't help but laugh a little every time Gabe, the short yet beer-gutted Korean guy tried handing it off. I don't know, he was maybe 5'9" tall, but to me this can be fairly short.
I denied him, primarily because I don't share my toys with other people, and I didn't know what the hell was going on in that pipe anyway.
Experience #2: Dumpsters behind Goodwill are a gold mine.
Things "Wild-Spirit" found in the dumpster
-A huge box of jerky and cheese, which everyone indulged in but me. It was a few days expired, which isn't horrible unless it's Mayonnaise or cottage cheese, but for some reason I felt as though it was a bad idea to eat any of it. Sanity had its grips on me. I mean, it had been in a dumpster. That and I hate those packaged Jerky and Cheese snacks sold at 7/11.
-Yoga balls which made me fear for my life. WS brought back a peanut shaped yoga ball, because I guess hippies like yoga too. It didn't, however, have a plug. Being the thinker WS' friend Harley is, he decides to jam a pencil into the opening, fully sharpened, with the sharp end out. He jumped on it, and the pencil flew out toward where I was standing and jammed itself 4 inches deep in the leather-exterior couch which had been eaten up by many animals over a long time. I looked down at the pencil pointing outward from the couch between my calves and told Harley that if he ever did that again I'd beat him to death with a lamp.
-A Karate uniform that didn't fit him. Complete with belts, which even more defaces that ancient Japanese underground culture. He started kicking around the room saying "Hiyah" like he was a pro. I shook my head and made a sandwich, except not really because the house was empty. We were told there was 'vegetarian' stuff in the fridge, which was essentially your run-of-the-mill vegetables and then other usual things. I'm not a vegetarian, as I will eat almost anything so I really didn't care. By this point though, everything was gone. Luckily, Adrian brought home food on a daily basis. The only person staying there with a job other than my brother and his girlfriend.
Experience #3: When you're a hippy, you don't have to wash your hair.
Yes, you do, but not when you have nasty dreds locks. I mean, NASTY. Combine my frizz with the normal dreds then toss in some mud and you had their hair. One of the main reasons I decided to go stay with other friends of ours that were a tad more family oriented, (but I must use the term "family oriented" a bit more loosely than normal) was because Wild Spirit decided to hijack my favorite dry-clean only pillow and sleep on it while I wasn't there. I smelled the pillow once and said "Someone slept on this shit." My brother assured me that Wild Spirit was the cleanest hippy, but 'clean' turned out to be a fairly relative term as I spent a half hour surface washing the thing trying to make it okay again. I accidentally left it back in Arizona, but I don't mind. I have a friend there who greatly enjoys that pillow and I have another exactly like it.
I still want it back, though.
Experience #4: "Dude, I think this is someone's junked out car."
I really don't want to go into this one, but I think it might have been Harley's, and I think he was trying to sell it. If I remember right, the car had no windows anymore.
Moving right along.
Experience #5: Take advantage of your kind friends
My brother, his girlfriend and I decided to go out one night for some dinner and some other things. When we got back, there were a lot of people in the house, some of which were naked in the hot tub at the time. I started getting mad.
They just came in and had an orgy in the tub, then all of them sat around and watched some movie while stoned. I decided to remove myself from this, so I went back in to the room I was staying in and read just about every book on the bookshelf. The kid who usually stayed there had quite the collection of "Goosebumps" and other such book series, including the "Bible Stories for Kids" which I thought was a hoot.
The conclusion:
I'm not a hippy, MickGinny. Stop thinking I am.
User Reviews
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2005-03-07 00:57:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-29 23:14:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
......
I'm not a big fan of the dirty white guy dreads. I'm also not a big fan of the naked except for over alls look. I don't want to talk about that one, it might undo the years of counseling that it took to recover.
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OHHHOHHHOHOHOooh....eewwww..naked 'cept for overalls? Yeah.
In the summer of 2000 at a JGB show this disgusting dude who was wearing only overalls and sandals, and a giant blingin metallic plastic "JESUS" necklace, baseball cap, and layers of dirt and the worst BO I have ever smelled offered me fifty dollars to take him to a grocery store. I couldn't convince my friends to come with, and I was really broke, so I gambled and took him myself. The car windows stayed down the whole time, cause I can't drive if I can't breathe. he was farting and singing and belching really loud, and I was embarassed until I remembered this was Ohio, it was paying $50, and nobody knew who I was and would ever see me again.
It was worth it.
Kind of.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-02-22 22:50:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-18 19:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-02-05 06:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was like reading a shitty PBS documentary.
And usully those shitty shows don't suck this much bored & lame ass.
This blew.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-03 17:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you seemed to be describing bums who happen to have long hair rather than hippies.
Here are a couple of definitions:
A person who opposes and rejects many of the conventional standards and customs of society, especially one who advocates extreme liberalism in sociopolitical attitudes and lifestyles.
someone who rejects the established culture; advocates extreme liberalism in politics and lifestyle.
Tom, you would be a hippie even if you wore a crew cut.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-02 05:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes i can relate to this .
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-01-31 01:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
perhaps you need hippy repellant.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-01-31 00:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-01-29 23:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This sounds like a hell of a walk on the wild side.
I'm not a big fan of the dirty white guy dreads. I'm also not a big fan of the naked except for over alls look. I don't want to talk about that one, it might undo the years of counseling that it took to recover.
You have to learn how to say no or better yet, go with the passive aggressive trick and find an outside third party to blame. Kind of like, "oh yea man I'd let you stay here and all but the last time I did that the neighbors narced me out."
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-01-29 16:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-29 14:31:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny and interesting.
What happens if you punch a hippy? Do they fight back, plead pacificism or explode in a puff of smoke?
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Suprisingly enough, I can answer this question.
My friend Brett had a beat up house his father bought him, part "fix it up and sell it and start on adulthood", part "get the fuck out of my house". He had two roomates, his best friend and a construction worker slightly older than us and white powder was his best friend. Anyway Brett is a dumbass and told a hippy friend of his he could crash at his place after a Phish concert. He waited up half the night for the guy and he didn't show. I left and came back midmorning the next day. I walked in and there were hippies Everywhere (10 to be exact). I busted into brett's room where he told me the had come knocking at 5:30 or so and had tried to wake him up. They couldn't and broke in instead. Brett woke up around 8ish and had found them passed out everywhere. Hungover he just went back to bed hoping they'd be gone when he got back up. By the time his frightening roomate came home they had eaten everything in the house, tried shooting up in the bathroom, and completely trashed the place. Mr. Big Bad Construction Working Coke-fiend came home made some comment about the hippies smelling up the place and 20 mins later several of his equally coked up friends showed up at the house. The hippies and the ass-kickers eyed each other and that was pretty much it. Slightest hint of serious hurtin' and they booked. It was like cockroaches running from the light. The entire place just cleared out. Not the first time I'd seen them crumble in the face of hostility either. Of course we were still stuck with the scary cokeheads who could have broken me in half, but that is another story.
Damn maybe I should have gone with the unabridged story as a post?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-01-29 16:38:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh don't give me that, C1ndy. It was that or I watch Toy Story with a bunch of stoners. I also got some writing done and played some PC games on my lap top. I don't party with hippies. It's not what I do.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2005-01-29 15:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yep, that pretty much covers my college days. try four dyke hippies, however, who planted vegetable gardens in the shape of peace symbols, pranced their fat, fleshy bodies around in bikinis and thought falafel was nonperishable. and people wonder why i have animosity toward women ...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-29 14:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm as puzzled by everyone as the kidsbook reading rather than going to a party!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-29 14:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny and interesting.
What happens if you punch a hippy? Do they fight back, plead pacificism or explode in a puff of smoke?
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2005-01-29 12:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There is nothing worse than a tard writing about hippies.
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2005-01-29 11:37:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-29 11:34:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
I definitely know the face when someone is passing a joint. Looks like they are in deep-though and thorougly constipated at the same time.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-29 11:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i'll give an assload of +2's if you post a pic of your unkempt, ratty self.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-01-29 05:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss the hippie life. You know a hippie named Harley? Where you from, boy?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-29 03:29:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, dirty hippies.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-29 03:10:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-01-29 01:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, Jay, honestly. It wasn't the orgy itself, it was the people in it. I mean, this may sound 14 year old girlish, but "Like, ewww."
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-29 01:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My brother, his girlfriend and I decided to go out one night for some dinner and some other things. When we got back, there were a lot of people in the house, some of which were naked in the hot tub at the time. I started getting mad.
They just came in and had an orgy in the tub, then all of them sat around and watched some movie while stoned. I decided to remove myself from this, so I went back in to the room I was staying in and read just about every book on the bookshelf. The kid who usually stayed there had quite the collection of "Goosebumps" and other such book series, including the "Bible Stories for Kids" which I thought was a hoot.
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dont judge them too harshly. see that would be me. well, not if i had
a 17 year old cousin/ brother over but ....
some poeple like to get stoned and some people like to read. well, i like both but...
they are good people right?
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-01-29 01:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
firefly
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:59:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:53:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Other than the fact that I've been looking at the concept of writing kids' books, yes. I am a faggot.
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+2 for that
Come on Tom, You should have at least tried, who cares if its sloppy seconds....or thirds...or fourths.....
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Other than the fact that I've been looking at the concept of writing kids' books, yes. I am a faggot.
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They just came in and had an orgy in the tub, then all of them sat around and watched some movie while stoned. I decided to remove myself from this, so I went back in to the room I was staying in and read just about every book on the bookshelf. The kid who usually stayed there had quite the collection of "Goosebumps" and other such book series, including the "Bible Stories for Kids" which I thought was a hoot.
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Therefore I have come to the conclusion that I am a total Fag. I would rather sit in my room and read kids books than try to get some from a hippy chick. I am feeling more and more like the King of Pop every day....
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
popcorn
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ahh....the memories
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-01-29 00:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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