The Ballad of Monty, the Irish Drunk Whose Vomit Saved Me Two Bucks (874 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sublime (View user info) at 2005-01-30 01:24:52 EST
I was at the bus stop after work, and in the bus shelter was a drunken red headed irishman, very leprechaun-like with drunken authenticity. I hadn't any money for the bus having spent it all on falafels; but when the bus arrived I had let the drunk go ahead of me in an attempt to slip passed the driver. When lo and behold the fabled leprechaun actually did bring me luck; in his stupor he vomited onto and into the coin slot of the bus. I asked the bus driver if it was necessary for me to drop my money in the vomit to get a transfer, but he told me to get the hell on. I guess the five dollars of whiskey my magically drunken hero vomited covered both our fares. To honor this man I wrote a little jingle about him, its the least I could do.
Monty was just an alcoholic
And though he could barely afford it
On his right there was always a brown bag
But on his left was an empty wallet
Three rings has he had, all returned
but the shiniest one of them all
was the least endured.
In the many years to come
all of his fingers were filled
except for the middle and the thumb
those were left for greeting
A bitter and strong liquid
had turned his insides sour
In the corner he is timid
But in the fury of this hour
A young brute had started to farce
he shot to his feet and yelled with mighty power
"Bend over and i'll shove a clover up yer arse,
I'm Monty the Irish drunk!".
He walks about the town now
with hair as hot as his head
the new long standing legacy
of a man you thought was dead
He shot to his feet and yelled with mighty power
"Bend over and I'll shove a clover up yer arse
I'm Monty the Irish drunk!"
User Reviews
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-01-30 17:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-30 16:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
slainte!
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-30 14:07:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Prostitute, but if they want it, better than I give it to him me, before they look for it in the street?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-30 13:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because a drunk Irish bloke from Limerick bought me copious amounts of alcohol last night, in addition to grabbing my ass repeatedly. At least... I think it was him...
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-30 08:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because fuck Irish people.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-30 04:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-01-30 01:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A post like this is just asking for twenty idiots to make Lucky Charms related unfunny comments.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-30 01:30:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment