Hungover Like An Unemployed Spaniard (670 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.33 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Lone Stranger (View user info) at 2005-01-30 15:25:03 EST
**WARNING - MIND LEAK APPROACHING - GRAB SOME PAPER TOWELS**
Soooooooo, yeah. I think my body has figured out how to know when I have too much alcohol in me. I managed to get home fine. I managed to get undressed and prepare for bed. Then, when I was standing in front of the sink, my body just decided it was time to evacuate all that excess alcohol before going to bed. I am really glad my body has figured this out. Otherwise, I am certain that today I would feel like a 7 year old's ass at Neverland Ranch.
This morning I started imagining this little kid named Jimmy. Jimmy is sitting at the dinner table with his family, Leave it To Beaver style. Jimmy is staring down intently at his plate while he eats, ignoring the rest of his family, and he is making techno beats. UmpTs-UmpTs-UmpTs-UmpTS.
Then his mom mildly scolds, "Jimmy, how many times have I told you? Stop making techno beats at the dinner table." But Jimmy doesn't look up. He doesn't say a word. UmpTs-UmpTs-UmpTs-UmpTS.
I also imagined the guy from Masterpiece Theatre doing a movie review on a gay porno. He was describing it in his over-affected English accent like so:
"Sack Lunch is the paragon of homosex-sual grace and splendor. Breathtaking scenes of men entwined, interlocked, pieces of an unending man-flesh puzzle. Dueling phalluses erupting in an ejaculatory celebration of male sex-suality."
That's not even funny. It's just gross.
I am glad I am so entertained by myself. Life would really suck donkey nuts otherwise.
The club I was at last night is in Silverlake (Los Angeles). It is called the Little Temple. In one room, it was a pretty standard bar, people, drinking, talking, crappy hip-hop. But, on the other side, there was a Live DJ. I still don't know how to describe what he was spinning. It makes my brain hurt when I think about it. It sounded like...sounds. Like BEEEEP, BLOOOOP, DERT, DOOOOT, all mixed in with sketchy beats. It sounded like he was mixing two songs - like oil and water. It was a schizophrenic's dream. My body's natural defenses made me have to crap, so I would leave the room.
Some of the people in that room were all into the "music". Thrusting their hands in the hair and making the "you rock!" gesture. As if they saw some sort of genius in these random sounds mixed with clashing songs. Literally, two sogs playing at once, but not good like techno. I can imagine their conversation, critiquing the music:
Dumbass#1: "Dude! This song rocks!"
DUmbass#2: "No way man, it's alright, but *this* song rocks!
They can be safe in their critique, becasue no one knows which song they are referring to.
**DRIP DRIP DRIP - MIND LEAK OVER**
User Reviews
Submitted by MyIdiom (user info) at 2005-05-25 00:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one more time.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-05-24 23:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-30 18:43:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
UmpTs-UmpTs-UmpTs-UmpTS.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-01-30 16:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whats all this about me and so on? I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.
Permission to rock!!!
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-30 15:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because techno makes me want to kill someone.