Y Shift: The Implication Of Superiority By Using A Lower Letter. (798 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.58 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dervel (View user info) at 2005-01-31 09:04:03 EST
"Admiral Richard, please report to the bridge" boomed the static charged intercom.
Richard had been in the fleet air arm since he left school back on Earth twenty long years ago, he had started as all recruits do in the lowest echelon of the fleet, which is Z Shift. He only stayed their a week though as he was just far to good.
Besides catching that weird fellow with the Henson Creation eyebrows sniffing the crotch on his flight suit had given him enough ammunition to demand a transfer from the brass.
Since then he had risen up the ranks quicker than a sycophants penis at a roger the brigadier competition.
He was now the highest ranking pilot in Y Shift, a status which offered him the latest Walkers to pilot, the best hats and the right to have his own team in the Fleet A.A. bi-annual subbuteo competition. Which incidentally he was the current champion, having lifted the cup despite picking up a finger strain in the first round. What a hero.
Admiral Richard hurried down the corridor towards the bridge, stopping at reception to show the lovely Edna behind the desk his new rash.
Approaching the bridge door Richard knocked politely and waited.
"Whos that tapping on my bridge?" roared the troll.
"It's I the big billy goat gruff" replied Richard, growing increasingly tired of Captain Genius and his dementia.
"Ha Ha!" laughed the Captain "ha ha ha! I'm not a troll at all, I'm the captain and you fell for it like the great fable reading pubic louse that you are!"
"Very droll sir" sighed Richard scratching his nuts and looking out the window "what can I do for you?"
"We have a new walker for you to test out" beamed Captain Genius "it's a radical new design, a marvel in bio-engineering. Here take a look."
Captain Genius led Richard into the hangar conveniently next to the bridge. "This is the ClassIII walker, living flesh over steel skeleton, it's very new age and futuristic" stated the Captain.
"Erm, its part weasel is it not" exclaimed Admiral Richard who was looking particularly rugged and cool under the dim blue lights of the hangar.
"Indeed it is" exclaimed Genius "it's based on a new theory where instead of creating a single fold in space it generates a complex origami Yorkshiremans trouser leg. It should increase the transition speed three fold!"
"Ahahahaha!" guffawed Genius "Origami! Three fold! Ahahahahaha I am the comedy master! Now get in the ship and test it."
Admiral Richard climbed into the craft with much anxiety, the follie of "The Crane" hyperspace jump still fresh in his mind.
Engaging the engines and scampering down the launch corridor the ClassIII exited the Mothership with all the grace of a decapitated pheasant.
No sooner had Admiral Richard settled into a steady orbit when Captain Genius burst onto the radio " Admiral Richard, one of the dribblers on Z Shift has gone rogue, use the ClassIII and have a word with him."
Slipping his Top Gun soundtrack into the cassette player Admiral Richard pissed his pants and flicked the "Trouser Fold" switch.
"Highway to the Danger Zone..." -SNAP-
The ClassIII disappeared from radar.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-11 16:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:09:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am laughing and saying 'What The Fuck?' at the same time.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-02-23 23:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-02-11 10:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-03 06:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Call me Sloth and make me scream, Mama!
Submitted by LeggsTitsenarse (user info) at 2005-02-03 04:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What?
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-02 08:21:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...and I'm funky. I need the groooove in the funk.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-01 07:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-01 07:08:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, but first let's remove all our valuable items. You know what his kind are like, they'll gnaw your finger off for a crappy silver signet ring.
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Right now I'd fucking have him. I've been on the phone to an 80 year old woman for the past 3 hours typing her username and password in over and over again. If I can keep my sanity long enough to not kill myself then I'm taking someone else out.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-01 07:08:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, but first let's remove all our valuable items. You know what his kind are like, they'll gnaw your finger off for a crappy silver signet ring.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-01 06:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-01 06:49:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can live with that.
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Apollo's a weasel. Let's kill him.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-01 06:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can live with that.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-01 06:41:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could make you one. It would mean killing a weasel however.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-01 06:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want one of those walkers.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-01 06:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just sorted it all out. Dunno how much I told you last night, but it's cool now I hope.
Vaguely remember talking bollocks going round and round the field, then getting a cigar from the pub then my phone dying on its ass... Don't remember what boillocks I was talking though.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-02-01 05:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No worries mate.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-01 04:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a plus2 for last night. Sorry I was so drunk dude.
Me and Jenny were still at each other throats this morning. Thanks for listening, it's always nice talking to you man....
I'm not gay or anything...
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-31 11:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-01-31 10:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you need help dude.+2 for ferrets, or as we call them down my way, Futrets.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-31 10:25:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That things an AT-AT with a newspaper trolley and ferret attached to it isn't it, you sick bastard!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent - loved it...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
marvellous.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*sniff *sniff... yup you shit your pants again.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliance.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:21:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Best laugh all day as usual mate. You're fast becoming one of the only reasons I still come to work.
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Help! The Henson Creation is sniffing my crotch again!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Erm, its part weasel is it not" exclaimed Admiral Richard who was looking particularly rugged and cool under the dim blue lights of the hangar.
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Part weasel... ha ha ha... you bastard, how dare you attempt to cross storylines with me!...
Go go gadget linkwhore. http://www.ubersite.com/m/58179= Z-shift
Best laugh all day as usual mate. You're fast becoming one of the only reasons I still come to work.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cassette player? VEEERRRRYYY futuristic.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:16:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"sniffing the crotch on his flight suit had given him enough ammunition to demand a transfer from the brass"
Aaaah hahahahahahaha! Hilarious!
You're so friggin' awesome.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-31 09:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am laughing and saying 'What The Fuck?' at the same time.