so this one time (1042 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -1.14 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by vagrantuallyvagabondafied <nahnoneofit.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-02 19:10:00 EST
hi, my names will, this is my first post, im sixteen years old and live in newyork
so this one time, i was bombin around town in the wee hours of the mornin with my friend colin.
we decided to go see our friend jeff in a nearby town, but had to call him for directions.
neither of us having a cell phone we went to a gas station to use the payphone.
i call, no asnwer.
fuck
now what
then this guy in a green pickup next to the phone says "hey kid, if you and your friend arent doin anything you wanna come back to the hotel room with me and my wife? smoke a little homegrown, tip a few back?".he had a generic baseball cap on and a carhart jacket, your typical joe schmoe.
this took me by surprise a bit, not many people are usually so friendly to a couple a kids in leatherjackets, especially at three in the morning.
colin and i discussed it and decided we could handle this guy if things got dicey, and followed them to the hotel about a mile or so away.
i forget their names now, but they introduced themselves cordually and quickly supplied each of us with a beer and started rollin the homegrown.
so were shootin the breeze, smokin this shitty weed and drinkin these nasty ass buds when all the sudden the guy exclaims "so lets get thsi party started!"
outta nowhere this dudes wife gets on her knees in front of me and starts blowin me.
i look over at colin, he just shrugs as he finishes hittin the joint.
i look at her husband, he winks.
so i sit back and enjoy the ride for a while, then she gets up and starts to mount me.
i was about to let this old bats snatch get anywhere near my cock,i hesitate till she whips out a condom and gives me a pleading look.
what can i say, i cant say no to a lady.
so she has her fun for a while, i tried to just close my eyes and go into a another place for the remiender of this cracked out expeirence, the brew started to take its toll so this wasnt particularly dificult.
eventually i find myself poundin her from the back, and her husband gets on the bed in front of her and starts catchin some head.
this is getting to be a little too much for me.
again i go into my trance, when suddenly im awoken by the couple shouting "OZZY RULES!!" as the song paranoid comes on the tv.
thats was enough for me.
"oh shit..i gotta..go, can i take this last beer? thanks,*swipes roach off the table discreetley" yea no we seriously gotta go, it was nice hangin out"
twenty minutes minutes pass in the car as me and colin drive home, not a word was spoken till then when we finally turned to each other and start laughin our asses off.
turns out they're jeff, the guy whose house we were goin to's neighbor.
i checked my shit constantly for days after that for any signs of malignancy, i dont trust fucking any human being whose been on this planet longer then my mother has.
colin saw the lady in a walmart with her trhee kids a couple weeks ago. funny stuff.
User Reviews
Submitted by drky (user info) at 2005-02-03 06:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Err...
Cunt. Is it?
Submitted by TheGreenLantern (user info) at 2005-02-02 22:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was an insult to my rectum that had to sit here, growing barnacles while I read through this pointless post. Shush now, put your head in the toilet, do a handstand and stay there for 12 minutes with your breathing holes submersed.
Stitch that Jimmy
Green Lantern |-0-|
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-02-02 21:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2005-02-02 21:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-02 20:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Grin
User id: 15791
Registered on or around: 2005-01-24 15:05:33
# Messages posted: 6
# Reviews written: 75
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 113
# Hits: 2120
Average rating of all messages: 1.05
---------------------------
STOP WELCOMING THE NOOBS, NOOB!
Now learn something: http://www.ubersite.com/m/51652
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-02 20:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for groundhog day!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-02-02 20:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OK, constructive critism. (cracking knuckles)
- a million spelling mistakes, lack of capitalization. (if you are going to use informal speech give clues that it is intentional [i.e. instead of givin, drinkin, smokin, write: givin' smokin' drinkin']).
- sentance structure (ex. turns out they're jeff, the guy whose house we were goin to's neighbor.) that's a mess and damned confusing. try, "In the end, it turned out that these this couple was jeff's next door neighbors"
- towards the end you gave up on paragraphs. maybe you cxopied out of word, if so, you have to use spaces in between paragraphs and not use tabs on openign sentances (uber removes the tabs)
- could have been thought out more. what was your friend doign the whole time you were engaged in your "relations." you said he was smoking a joint, but I got to think he would have been doing more ((hiding in a corner, appauled...shaking from fear...covering his eyes...etc.)
If that's good enough, I'm done for tonight. good luck.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
From one of my awesomer posts...
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:28:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
i just wanted to minus two you cause youre a petty douche and went on another name to minus two me twice.
...........................
haha, I never did any such thing. I don't care about you or your posts enough to want to sabotage your rating. out of the 600 plus reviews i've given i've used a handful of minus 2's because almost anything in my mind's eye has some redeeming quality which makes it art worthy.
Relax; don't let your frustration spill over; and just try again. You can't please everyone, but if you continue practicing your writing you can please the majority.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too damn lazy to use the 'shift' button?
Submitted by The_Grammar_Nazi (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
God, I hope you're an alter. Anyone this fucking stupid needs to be chemically castrated then impaled on a rusted spike covered in human excrement.
I suppose a "-2 STFU N00B!" would be in order, but I submit that we analyze this steaming pile of so-called text on the merits of its grammar:
"hi, my names will, this is my first post, im sixteen years old and live in newyork"
Wow... You're a fucking Shakespeare.
To translate this in terms you'll understand: DUUURRRRRR!!! I IZ A GUD LERN MAYK-HER!!!! I DUN GIT MI SUMS POOOZZEE FORMS MY MOM ADN I WUNT TO TELL EVY1 ABOAT IT!!!!! DUUURRRRR!!!!!!1111
To quote Walter Mathau: "Do the world a favor: Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"
Also, consider applying a brick to your face vigorously.
(p.s. it really hurt typing that shit in all caps)
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
high rank not because I particularly like your post, but just to welcome you
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
kid, just give back the gobstopper--you might redeem yourself
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:21:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
NO! You LOSE! You get NOTHING! GOOD DAY SIR!
...........
haha, et tu willy?
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NO! You LOSE! You get NOTHING! GOOD DAY SIR!
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hi Will.
-2DIE!
Welcome to Uber.
This was another shitty shitty 16 year-old fantasy post terribly executed for the rest of us to suffer through.
Go home and don't come back until you have something different to say!
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shenanigans.
You can get an STD and never have symptoms.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:18:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The chances of a dork like you making it to 17 are only 50/50.
Learn to capitalize.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-02-02 19:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
at least your not a feminist named carol.