If you leave me, can I come too? (1887 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.95 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-03 08:47:17 EST
And so it begins.
He doesn't want to be my little boy anymore. We had a good run - seven years - but it's done now. Today, for the first time, he shied away from my outstretched hand.
"Big kids don't hold their Mum's hand."
Standing there outside his classroom I heard a sound - it was faint at first but it got louder and louder, roared towards me like a freight train. The sound of parties and music, friends, cars, video games, sleepovers, dates, marriage, his own children - my grandchildren. I heard it all and it hit me like a sledgehammer and I could only look at him, at those brown eyes utterly unlike mine and the blonde hair that he didn't get from anyone on my side of his genealogy... look at him and force a smile.
"Well, that's okay. We gotta grow up sometime, right?"
He nodded seriously and I could tell there was more. And then he said it.
"And ... you don't have to pick me up at my classrooom anymore. I'll just come out to the car. I'm big enough now. You just wait in the car and I'll come and find you."
I nodded. Not much else to do, right? He has a point, after all. He'll be eight soon. Well old enough to walk the thirty yards to the parking lot.
Alone.
Without me holding his hand.
Would it be wrong of me to go into his room tonight when he's asleep and hold his hand? Just to remember the feel of those little bones and his skin. To feel those familiar scars and bumps under my fingers; this is where he fell off his bike. This is where he got his hand stuck in the car door.
I watched him stop and talk to a group of his friends today... swinging his schoolbag from hand to hand, laughing at somebody's joke, waving goodbye and wandering over to catch up with me and his sisters.
I can see the teenager he's going to be; soon, too soon, far too soon. I can see the man he'll become. He's going to make me proud. I know that. But he's breaking my heart with every smile that isn't for me and every deliberate step he takes away from me.
I'm not going to reach for him, because that's the best way to push him away faster. I've read the damned books. Psychology and Behavior, Toddler Taming, Raising Boys. I spent more time studying to be his mother than for any test I ever took.
I think I'm doing okay; he's bright and independent and a fantastic kid when he's not sticking my sanitary napkins to the steps.
But he didn't want to hold my hand today. He's slipping away.
And the only thing I can do is watch him go.
***
What utter bullshit. "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." No, and no, and no. If life gives you lemons, hack the fucking tree down and stage a sit down protest until somebody gives you an apple tree instead.
Watch him go, my ass. I'm not going to reach for him; oh, no. That's not my style. I'm going to make the little ingrate come crawling back. I didn't go through twenty three hours of heavily drugged labour so he could decide to be an autonomous human being. Who does he think he is?
So, I've formulated a plan. I've written it out and recruited the troops. This a military operation, is what it is. "Operation Not-A-Chance-In-Hell-Kiddo."
He wants his "freedom"? He wants to be "responsible"? Fine, fine. That's fine. Let's just see how bloody tough he is when thirty heavily armed Marines leap out of the bushes at him, screaming obscenities. Let's hear him say "I don't want to hold your hand anymore" THEN, huh? The little sod is going to be BEGGING me to pick him up and carry him to the car.
I'm going to record audio tapes... hundreds of hours worth. "You can't rely on anyone but Mum"; "Mum will keep you safe from the bad people"; "All you need is Mum". I'm going to play them in his room all night, every night, while he sleeps. I'm going to do it until he's too shattered and broken to do anything but hug me and sob gently.
I'm going to spoil him rotten. I'm going to buy him every single thing his heart desires or even glances at. I'll buy his love.
And the coup de grace: Home Schooling. It's brilliant. If he never leaves the house, he can never ever ever reject me. I'll be the only thing he knows and trusts and feels safe with and he'll be utterly dependent on me for ever and ever.
"Hold them very close and then let them go."
No.
I don't want to.
Please don't make me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-28 12:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I pushed her away. Then I stopped pushing her away. And now, as a fully grown adult autonomous person, she is just so incredible that I can't imagine life without her.
Do you want to know what causes a lump in my throat?
I could smell her sorrow. And I still pushed her away.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shagabah_Jones (user info) at 2005-02-20 05:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Obi-wan (user info) at 2005-02-20 05:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post reminds me when i started to that to my mum. It happens but they generally come back to you. But breaking his sprit in two is just as good so go for it.
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2005-02-20 04:33:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2005-02-14 04:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-02-10 09:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My mom threatened me with Marines too. Now I'm an army whore.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-02-07 06:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautifully written.
Submitted by ak_whitebread (user info) at 2005-02-07 05:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Im not going to talk shit about what you wrote... no need to. It's very well written, I liked it. BUT I wont appologize for what I wrote. It is merely shit that was on my mind. I think I should be able to post that.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-07 02:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe, so true. That's the best way to teach them. Like Calvin telling his mother he wants to smoke, so she buys him cigarettes and lets him smoke one. He never smoked again.
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2005-02-06 08:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
been there already :(
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-06 08:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jay - He'll come around if he knows what's good for him.
I'm in Perth; if you have msn, add me - fickle_muse.at.hotmail.com
Or circe7797 on AIM
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-02-06 08:30:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, I really liked this piece. Made me tear a bit. He's only 7 though... he'll come around and realise Mum is the only person who'll stick by him forever, no matter what. I came around with my mum. My mum rocks. I hug my mum all the time, and I'm not ashamed to admit it... I AM ashamed, however, when I see guys who treat their mums like shit. That makes my feet sad. Anyway, +2. Where about in Australia are you, anyways?
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Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:30:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the way Australian's spell "mom" with a "u".
**********************************
Haha, what's ever better is hearing an American chick with a hot accent trying to say "mum" like we do. Oh, and "arse" instead of "ass". It's hilarious. An incredible turn-on, but hilarious nonetheless.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-06 07:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2005-02-04 12:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post brought a tear to my eye.
Diolch yn faw!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-04 10:29:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww this was sweet... and scary.
Post more now, between you and 'one-post-a-month Dervel' I don't have much I truly enjoy reading.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-04 07:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your son is very lucky to have a mother as caring as you.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-02-03 17:16:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think in the years to come... your son is going to murder my daughter in the shower.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-03 16:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:12:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha oh god he's fucked. Sincerely, he's in for a rotten life.
"Does she talk to her car? Hide in the laundry when there's a spider in the kitchen and cry? Does she, in fact, have ANY stupid crazy little things that mean she should really be locked away? No? Well, this isn't the right woman for me then. Back to the alcoholic serial killer exwife who beats kittens."
so that means he would look for a woman of charachter.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-03 15:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mental As Anything - GREATEST AUSSIE BAND EVAR!
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:12:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
i want to call my mom
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment ,
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
firefly.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:30:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the way Australian's spell "mom" with a "u".
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't wait to have kids.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:07:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I die and whoever does this sort of thing
reads from the "Big Book of Isaac's Sins,"
the most fucked up chapter will be called,
"Leaving my Ma."
And I'll argue my case like all us poor bastards
cursed with biology, but the devils won't listen,
they never do, right? Leniency is never
available when ya need it most, surely not from
the fuckers in charge, the universe being
largely unimpressed.
Don't look for forgiveness from the
demons who torment ya, brothers, they don't give a fuck.
Look for it in the only place you ever got it,
from your ma.
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-03 13:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My son is only two and the first few paragraphs of this gave me a lump in my throat. Good job.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-02-03 13:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's starting his journey and you gave/are still giving him a good foundation. I'm sure he'll remember it before the end.
Submitted by Jaineix (user info) at 2005-02-03 13:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-02-03 13:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Adopt me.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-03 13:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of a song. But I can't remember who sings
it.
Very good.
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no comments
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great song by the way - Mental As Anything. I remember listening to it as a youngster wondering why he was so stupid to not understand that she was leaving him and of course he couldn't come.
Thinking about it now Im even more confused. Perhaps he was trying to charm her with boyish naivity in one final desperate attempt to regain her love.... hoping that she would remember him for the charmer he really was.
It was never going to work. It was too late for such trivial amusements.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:05:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
oh stop it. Men worship their mothers even when they themselves are parents.
he's going to date and size up the woman as compared to you.
____________
Hahahaha oh god he's fucked. Sincerely, he's in for a rotten life.
"Does she talk to her car? Hide in the laundry when there's a spider in the kitchen and cry? Does she, in fact, have ANY stupid crazy little things that mean she should really be locked away? No? Well, this isn't the right woman for me then. Back to the alcoholic serial killer exwife who beats kittens."
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:05:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh stop it. Men worship their mothers even when they themselves are parents.
he's going to date and size up the woman as compared to you.
i don't mean "stop it". it was a way to cheer you up... that came out harsh.
WELL THIS POST WAS LOVELY. BYE!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Precious...and nicely done as well.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ. You're (italicized) CRAZY.
Seriously, you are kind of nuts.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i want to call my mom
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and another +2 for today
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is times like these that I take a good look at my sweet loving boy (through the small window on the cellar door) and relish the way he rushes to me for hugs (to shove me out of the way in the nanosecond the door is opened and make a desperate bid for freedom).
I love you.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-03 08:57:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry for your loss. Good thing my little one will never do this. He's going to love me and hug me and kiss me forever. He'll stay my little sonshine for ever.
What?
WHAT?!?!?!?
NO! FUCK YOU!
It does NOT happen to every kid!!
IT'S NOT TRUE!!!!
*curls into the fetal postition and rocks slightly*
not true.... not true... not true.....
_______________________________________________________
My sentiments exactly.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren - I have two of them, but they're girls... it's not the same. They're all sweet and nice and smell pretty. Not one of them will ever turn a slug inside out on a stick.
Ashlee - That's the best damned advice anyone ever gave me. I'm going to go and wake him up right now and put him outside with a very small blanket.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like it's time to give up on this one. Forget him, you've got two more, right? Give one of them his room and make him sleep in the basement. Buy THEM everything they want, and give him sharp sticks to play with. He'll feel mighty silly then, won't he?
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:11:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time to have another baby!
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The way you mingle sweetness with sadism is really frightening.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-02-03 10:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:51:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
I just thought of something-- can you hook him up with my daughter?
It'll be easier to keep track of them if they're together.
_____________
We would have some awesome grandchildren, Coyote. Your brains, and your looks, and my.... uhm. Drinking problem? Temper tantrums?
I'll think of something.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I understand...I have a 9 year old and a 13 year old. The 9 year old thinks he can do anything without any help at all, and the 13 year old is a major momma's boy...in fact he is such a mommas boy sometimes its pathetic.
Submitted by Pharathyse (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:52:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:13:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
at first i was humming "cats in the cradle," then I moved over to more of a:
Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?
Mother, do you think they'll like this song?
Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?
Ooooowaa Mother, should I build a wall?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exactly what this made me think of...
My son is 3, so I guess this is what I have to look forward to, eh? Now where did I put that shock collar? ;o)
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just thought of something-- can you hook him up with my daughter?
It'll be easier to keep track of them if they're together.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DeathJester - YES!!
Give him my phone number. I must know his mother's secrets.
I'm gonna miss my boy is all... I'm not being unreasonable.. right?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know a guy like this... He still lives with his mom at 45.
He wears socks with sandles.
Do YOU want to be responsible for that?
Submitted by Rocktsrgn (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:40:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time flies.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honey, I've been going through this for awhile now. Don't worry, they still like to hold your hand once they realize it's ok.
The past comes rolling at you like a freight train and passes you, seemingly, at the speed of light. It turns into a future that you cannot seem to get ahold of. That future goes racing off into the distance until it seems like old age is upon you.
Then it is and you are left wondering if you did the right things, made the right decisions, raised your children to be good people.
At that moment, you look into their eyes and you know for sure that the sacrifices and hardships were all worth it.
Either that or you start killing people.
Have a nice day.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's ok. nobody is afraid of the well adjusted kids.
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally forgot I even set up an AIM thingy, but it's late and I must sleep.
Another time perhaps.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll hold your hand.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheeky little bastard.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awko.. I'd hold you if you'd sign onto AIM once in a while.
Creep, same goes.
AwesomeJohnson - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh dear god I'm a psycho.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There is a way to keep him from growing up, you know...
KILL HIM! That's right; dead kids can't grow up.
They *can* decompose pretty well though, so you'll probably want to quicklime the little sucker.
When I started reading this post, I was feeling kinda guilty with the knowledge that I was going to leave the above comment.
Thank God for that switch you made in the middle there.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Next to this my plans for building a moat and locking my daugher away in a tower aren't so bad. I think she's ready for it though. Her hair is already so long that she sits on it. She says she wants it to be like Rapunzel's. She must have overheard my planning it.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
at first i was humming "cats in the cradle," then I moved over to more of a:
Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?
Mother, do you think they'll like this song?
Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?
Ooooowaa Mother, should I build a wall?
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Feel free to hold my hand and drop me off at work if you want.
I promise I won't deny you the pleasure.
That being said...
WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE FUCKER!
All those hours in labour, dollars spent on clothing, food and shelter, and what about all those times you had to wipe his arse just because he "didn't have high enough functioning motor skills" at that age.
I say stop making food and cleaning up after him. Kick him out of home too. That oughta teach the little prick "independence".
My mum did all this and I grew up just fine.
Hold me?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh*
Spoon with me.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder how my parents felt... *sigh*
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least your waited until he was 7.
My son is only two and refuses to let me do anything for him.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lojo, honey, stop petting his baby clothes and listen: It doesn't have to happen. Break his spirit NOW. He's still young enough to destroy mentally without leaving physical scars.
ETS - My thoughts exactly. The nerve.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here was my other comment I decided not to go with. It read simply: "The nerve of some kids."
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-03 09:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was both appalled and pleasantly suprised when you shifted in the middle of this piece to what I can only hope is humor... :P
As always, a pleasure to read. Your kids have a crazy crazy mum...and that's a good thing in your case.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-03 08:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry for your loss. Good thing my little one will never do this. He's going to love me and hug me and kiss me forever. He'll stay my little sonshine for ever.
What?
WHAT?!?!?!?
NO! FUCK YOU!
It does NOT happen to every kid!!
IT'S NOT TRUE!!!!
*curls into the fetal postition and rocks slightly*
not true.... not true... not true.....
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-02-03 08:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-03 08:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'll be the only thing he knows and trusts and feels safe with and he'll be utterly dependent on me for ever and ever."
Until he reads this post and is irrevocably severed with extreme trauma.
*rubbing hands together, a la Mr. Burns*... excellent.