QueenAshlee I want you (4326 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.48 on 78 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by boringwhiteboy (View user info) at 2005-02-03 11:25:57 EST
QueenAshlee,
I see you posts. I read them. You are an intelligent attractive woman. I think that you are a beutiful woman who just needs the caress of a loving man.
I would like to propose something to you.
Dinner....the two of us.....Candlelight. Taking and laughing. Spending time with each other. we go for a walk on the beach at sunset. We go back to my house and sit in front of teh fire drinking wine. I offer you a backrub. You accept.
I would be so happy so lucky to spend time with you and get to know you.
Maybe.........
one day I could fuck you. I would fuck you for hours and make you beg me to take my dick out of you. I woudl make every orifce you have sore. Your jaw would hurt. Your ass would ache and you would walk funny because your pussy would be warn out.
You remind me of a teacher I had in eighth grade that sucked me off. I will save that for another post. All you need to know is she was the best cocksucker I ever knew and I bet you could beat her.
I would love to come home one day and have you naked on your knees waiting my the front door ready to lick my balls and suck my dick. You would swallow my cum and then go fix me dinner.
After dinner you would want me to fuck you until you went numb. After that you woudl let me continue to have my way with you. Why? because you would be addicted to my fat cock.
I woudl finally pass out...only to wake up to you sucking me of in the morning. I would nut in your face and go to work only to repeat everything again that day. This could be our life.
you wanna hook up with me Ashlee. you will not be sorry. I would make you the happiest woman in the land.
The mere though of looking down at you and seeing your eyes glimmer as you suck the last drop of cum from my cock and balls makes me shudder with excitement.
User Reviews
Submitted by Blackberry (user info) at 2009-04-13 14:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bahahahahahahaha
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-13 11:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fucking shit thats funny.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-13 10:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fun.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-03-24 12:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, awesome.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-03 00:02:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn!, this brought back some good memories from wifey #1
thanks for the link Blitzy
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-15 12:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this post.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-01 07:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-23 01:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hh
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-26 20:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still laughing at this years later.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-17 15:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still good for a laugh.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-23 18:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
deeply awesome
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-02 12:56:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
again
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-04-30 13:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW THE FUCK DID I MISS THIS?!?!?!?!
GOLD!
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2007-04-30 10:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is fucking awesome. how did i miss this?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-04-30 10:07:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-03 15:49:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just great
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-01-29 03:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic stuff.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88684
Submitted by Dane1901 (user info) at 2006-04-06 13:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hilarious. Unfortunately, after a lifetime of being dug-out by vast numbers of men, it would probably take a baseball bat to make her ache.
Ashlee, what is your definition of prude? No bukkake before date #3? God you are such a diseased whore. And I would know.
Submitted by RydinJ (user info) at 2005-08-08 12:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
only because she really is amazingly beautiful in a weird way i usally wouldnt like.. maybes its the pose...hmmm
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-29 16:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-06-24 00:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Holy crap. Does this shit work in bars in CA? lol.
Even the locals in Cocoa beach don't try that one.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-04-09 00:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You seem to have missed the part where I told you that I'm a major prude...
Submitted by boringwhiteboy (user info) at 2005-04-08 09:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn,
I got rejected faster than Kobe trying to be invited to Shaq's birthday party.
I really wish we could hook up but I think my girlfriend would cut my balls off for cheating. I can still think about it........Looking is free ...touching is dangerous
oh well maybe if I am ever single again and I come to florida?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry kiddo, I live in FL and I'm actually a real prude.
Submitted by boringwhiteboy (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:08:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes it does sound like consent and If I am not mistaken queenAshlee lives fairly close to me. I am in Sacramento and I think she is inthe Bay Area.
queen Ashlee if you are there let me know you are intersted in taking some of my fat dick in your mouth and being my personal cock holster. I fucking want to fuck you to the point of exhaustion. let me know and maybe we can hook up.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-18 15:21:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:06:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh goddamn this is funny. I don't know what your intentions were in posting this, but jesus christ, it's great. I'm speechless.
--
Sounds like consent to me......
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
I had to read this again.
hahahahaha
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-10 19:32:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A -2 from Munkeypants? For a male user?
This truly is an exceptional post.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-04 09:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'musin'
Submitted by boringwhiteboy (user info) at 2005-02-04 08:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See even Queen Ashlee likes it.
She said she was speechless.
Ashlee if you come over I can make you speechless by sticking my cock down your throat and filling your mouth with my hot warm cum. I so want to fuck you it is not even funny. I want to make you my cockslave. Can I have your email or a way to contact you outside of uber?
I can't wait to feel your insides as I pump my cock to a glorious finish.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-03 16:02:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:39:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
i cant find the humor in this. it is disrespectful.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:19:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING GREAT
B@W!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:18:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wasn't expecting that last in the least bit. cracked me up
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Imagine how little time for speech you'd have with your lips clamped around Shlongy Jr.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh goddamn this is funny. I don't know what your intentions were in posting this, but jesus christ, it's great. I'm speechless.
Submitted by Mitchapalooza (user info) at 2005-02-03 17:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can i take pictures?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-03 16:02:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:39:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
i cant find the humor in this. it is disrespectful.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-03 15:49:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just great
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 15:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This gets funnier with age.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-02-03 15:21:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What MickGinny said.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I maturbated to this
...
twice.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-02-03 14:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my.
I wish someone would proclaim their love to me like that...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-03 13:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
um, go take a cold shower, amigo?
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Queen,
I see. I read. You are.
I needs the caress of a loving man.
I would like to propose to you.
Dinner...Candlelight. laughing. Spending. a walk on the sunset. my house and wine. I offer. You accept.
I would spend with you and get you.
be.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i cant find the humor in this. it is disrespectful.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, well what girl could say no to THAT?
Submitted by boringwhiteboy (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am happy most of you like this. I am happy some don't.
But what does Queen Ashlee think?
Is she down to get down? God I fucking hope so.
I would like to penetrate her from behind, grab her tits and ride her like a bucking bronco.
I bet she would like it. If QyeenAshlee is like most women she really is a whore at heart as long as she is addicted to the dick. I would make her addicted to my fat cock and she would be my whore and cockslave. She would do anything for my fat cock.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:29:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That last line is awesome.
I'm putting it in my wedding vows.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funnier the second reading.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Awwwwwwww...I think love is sweet.
Those pictures, on the other hand, really aren't.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:15:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Classy.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ahhhh...... you're prolly ghey anyway.....
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-03 12:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So you like having your cock sucked?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
*unable...
...to...
...breathe*
Submitted by benjamindover (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:56:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Walrus punch that bitch.
(wôlrs, wl- pnch)
tr.v. walrus punched, walrus punch·ing, walrus punch·es
A sharp blow of the fist administered by a man to a woman's stomach immediately after getting his cock sucked off after she tastes his man juice, forcing the cum out the womans nostrils, giving her the appearance of adorning walrus tusks.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
no dude, no
anybody but her.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Carol is going to have a field day with this one!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have given her a milk moustache...
Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This would have got a +2 if Queen Ashlee was actually hot, but her picture spoilt it.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure poetry.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But i'll make it up to you.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry. I had to have a go at someone.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
QueenAshlee,
I see dead people. I hear them. I think I'm stuck in the body of an intelligent attractive woman. I think I am a beutiful person who just needs the caress of a love wand.
I would like to learn how to spell beautiful, then propose something to you.
Dinner....me .....Candlelight. Taking and laughing. Spending time with myself. we go for a walk on the refinery at about elevenish. We go back to my house and sit in front of teh fire drinking wine. I offer you a dictionary. I accept, and learn basic grammar.
I would be so happy so lucky to spend time with posts younger than three years, and get to know myself left-handed.
Maybe.........
(Can't be bothered to do more... fukkit.)
Actually....
one day I could meet you. I would meet you, and we you could explain for at least 5 minutes and make me beg you to stop telling me i'm a selfish poes. I woudl take every spelling test 'til i'm sore. My jaw would hurt. My ass would ache and I would walk funny because I tripped over my cat and fell onto Roget's thick-binded thesaurus and be warn out from thumbing through it.
You remind me of a teacher I had in eighth grade that ticked me off. I will save that for another post. All you need to know is she was the worst English instructor and moral leader I ever knew, but I bet you could beat her.
I would love to come home one day and have you the mailman waiting my the front door ready to teach me the word 'by' and introduce me to his cousin Richard. You would swallow his fishing stories hook, line and sinker, and cook me an Afrikaans dinner.
After dinner you would to leave, because that's when my diaper gets changed, and I don't love that, it makes my tummy numb. After that you woudl let me continue to learn my spelling lessons, because that's the nice person in you. Why? because you feel sorry for those who are biologically inferior to you, and I'm addicted to being an asshole, so maybe you could help.
I woudl finally pass out...only to wake up to you leaving a note that says "would" is spelt W-O-U-L-D MOTHERFUCKER!" in the morning. I would nut in your face (???) and go to work only to repeat everything again that you taught me the day before, thatday. This could be my life, for one day.
you wanna hook up with me Ashlee. you will not be sorry. I would make you the happiest woman in the land, because it would be the funniest thing in the world to see your husband castrate me with a rusty spoon, smothered in balsamic vinegar.
(Fuck it. Had to rant at someone, and you gave it to me on golden platter. kak satire I know, but cheap shots are fun, according tyour post above...)
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHA! HAHA! HA!!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't go for these romantic posts, but that last part really touched me. I wish I could write such poetic things like you.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just got up, did a lap of the building, and I'm still laughing like I'm stoned.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:38:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Unbelieveable.
So fucking awesome.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hole lee shit.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cobra Commander Likes
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's just wrong
alas +2, matey
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I seriously think this is the single funniest thing on Ubersite I have ever read, ever!!!!
If you're serious... hilarious.
If you're not... still hilarious.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:34:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was very funny. warn out pussy!!! that alone made me laugh out loud. seeing as its worn. i hope your dreams comed true'
-Black Ninja
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M IN TEARS!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another because I can't stop laughing.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-03 11:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is probably the funniest thing that I ever read.