Know it couldn't happen to you (981 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.77 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Derek Blanchard <blanchfor.at.kitty-hawk.navy.mil> (View user info) at 2003-03-27 16:52:37 EST
As I step on the tile I realize the tile is not what is holding me up but the iron floor beneath it. Even more still is the ship's structure which holds up the iron floor. The ocean holds the ship up and gravity holds the ocean on the Earth's surface. The Solar Systems holds the Earth in orbit and the Universe holds the Solar System in it's place. So what exactly am I standing on?
One Christmas long ago my brother recieved a set of crayons in a Santa Clause mug. The crayons were the smell-type crayons in which orange smelled like oranges, yellow smelled like bananas and so forth. I made the remark that the crayons taste as good as the smell.
"Really?", he said as he took a big bite of the strawberry (red) crayon. He then began to gag and vomited in the mug containing all the colors. In time the vomit filled the mug to compacity and overflowed onto himself.
Did he vomit into the mug or into the house which contained the mug? Both? What about the piece of earth which held the house which contained the mug? All three? At the same time? And so on...
One day long ago three of my friends and myself were juming on a trampoline playing kid games and such. One of my friends had seizures at random times and had to take medication for it. We decided to move the trampoline next to the house in order for us to jump off the roof of the house onto the trampoline. To get on the roof, simply jump up, grap the edge of the roof and pull yourself up. Simple enough. My friend with the seizure problem must have forgotten to take medication that day because as he jumped up to grab the roof he immediately went into a seizure fit and he went feet first into the window of the house. He was hanging out the window by his legs shaking violently while we all watched in terror.
One day my little cousin found a small bottle of car air-freshner and assumed it to be breath freshner. After spraying it in his mouth and gaging for a few minutes I arrived on scene to tell him that air-freshner in his mouth would surely kill him. I watched as he panicked and ran inside to get water.
One day I was masterbating and my mom walked in the room. I jumped up while pulling my pants up and my mom asked what the hell I was just doing. I told her I was doing karate and she whipped my ass for doing karate in the house. I considered myself lucky.
User Reviews
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-03-31 15:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
Submitted by lodnem (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:58:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
pineapples make some people's lips really big and puffy looking.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:34:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Derek you've just told 5 stories in one post that most people would be happy to put as separate submissions which demonstrates you have so many good tales to tell. And you're a philosopher to boot. Why the fuck do you clean toilets, you have such a brain on your shoulders* laddie, do something with it when you get out of the navy quick smart.
*okay there is a neck and head in-between but fuck the semantics.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... that was like Jack Handy on pot.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
turtle- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
i don't remember ever being caught, but i know it's happened before. it just wasn't embarrasing enough to be burned into my memory.
Submitted by tpx187 (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One time I walked in on my dad puttin a condom on, I'm like what the hell are you doin? He looks at me and says "Im tryin to cacth a mouse" So I said to him "When you catch it what are you gonna do? Fuck it?"
Yea i know its an old joke, but apporiate.
Bobbs
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:14:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus that must be so awkward and embarrasing. anyone else been caught?
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Derek,
My dad walked in on me once...asked me "What in the hell do you think your doing?"
Pud in hand I stopped for a moment and said "What does it look like?"
Pops just closed the door and walked away...
-Turtle
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-03-27 17:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uuhhmm...........................