MGM Grand Called me a Terrorist! (1661 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 67 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by screamfeeder (View user info) at 2005-02-03 21:14:21 EST
What follows is a verbatim transcript of my conversations with employees of the MGM Grand Hotel, Casio, Resort and....Lion Habitat? Also included is my conversation with Dean at the Las Vegas Monorail Transit Systems Management Company (this one made ME hang up).
I have changed the names of all parties involved to protect the innocent.
The events leading up to these calls are of no-consequence and should be taken as the ruminations of a madman.
They are 100% accurate and true.
--------------------------------------------------------
*click*
RecordedVoice-"Thank you for calling the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino. For quality assurance your call may be recorded."
*If, 'your call may be recorded' is the second thing out of the pre-recorded message, you KNOW these people don't mess around. Well neither do I, you fancy pants Lion-fuckers. Pressed 0 till I got a ring*
*click*
Lady-"Thank you for calling MGM Grand Hotel and Casino. How may I direct your call?"
Screamfeeder-"Hello, my name is Howard McDougal and I am calling to get some information on both the Monorail and some of your shows."
Lady- "Ok sir, for Monorail information you are going to want to call ***********"."
SF-"I'm sorry but I thought that the Monorail was owned and operated by the MGM Grand."
*I knew it wasn't, I was just luring her into a false sense of 'This guy is a moron'.*
Lady-"No sir, that is a common misconception that people have made because the rail ends here, but it is actually owned and operated by another company for the city of Las Vegas."
SF-"I see. Well in that case do you think you could answer a question or two for me about it?"
Lady-"Sir I am just an operator, for general questions I can transfer you over to the Front Desk. Someone there would be more than happy to help you."
SF-"Front Desk me then."
Lady-"Sir?"
SF-"Nothing. Go ahead and transfer me to the Front Desk."
*These people have the strangest hold music. Talking about naked Parisian dancers and George Strait. But it is all done in a sing-songy voice with...was that a gong?*
*Click*
Lady-"MGM Grand Hotel and Casino Front Desk. This is Rachel, how may I help you?"
SF-"Hello Rachel, my name is Howard McDougal and I am calling to get some general information about your hotel and casino."
Rachel-"Of course sir, what may I help you with?"
SF-"Well here is the deal Rachel, I am coming down to Las Vegas in March with a large group of people. A dear friend of mine named PJ is having his twenty-first birthday and so we are all taking him on a trip to Sin City." *touristy laughter*
R-"Ok sir, would you like to know the room rates?"
SF-"Uhh no, actually we already have accommodations. You were our first choice but a good friend was able to swing a deal at another hotel. However, we do plan on spending most of our time, time meaning cash, at the MGM. We love your facilities."
R-"Thank you sir. What questions did you have?"
SF-"Pretty standard stuff actually. You know what, I can get most of the information I need off of your website I bet huh?"
R-"Yes sir."
SF-"Ok then just let me know one quick thing."
R-"Ok."
SF-"My friend PJ, hmmm how can I put this. First of all I think I should inform you that he is homo-ferus."
R-"Homo...what?"
SF-"Homo-Ferus. Feral. He was born and left for dead at a very young age. He grew up living off garbage on the streets of Detroit."
R-"What? Are you serious? That's terrible!"
*her voice was so full of concern and sadness that I almost felt bad...almost*
SF-"Indeed it is. But he was eventually rescued and given over to a foster home where he had pretty much a normal childhood. But that is not the main problem. The main problem is that, due to his wild upbringing, he developed Hypertrichosis. Usually it goes away after a few years, but PJs never did."
R-"I'm sorry, what was that? Hyperwhat?"
SF-"Trichosis...you know...wolf-man syndrome. I am sure you have seen those two boys with the hairy faces on Jenny Jones. Hypertrichosis."
R-"Oh...my, well if there are any special requests we can do for you, I am sure that the management would be more than happy to help."
SF-"Well, what myself and his friends thought, since PJ wants to have as normal a time as possible in Vegas, is why not just give him a mask. That way people will think he is just part of some show or street theater. PJ loved the idea and decided to just walk around in an Apesuit."
R-"Aren't apes covered in fur though?"
*Man this Rachel was a sharp one*
SF-"Yes, yes they are. But that is the beauty of it all. If he is walking around in an apesuit, people will just assume it is all makeup and fancy-dandy special effects. After about an hour or so, he can take the mask off and pretend that the dark fuzz that covers his tortured body is nothing more than glued on gorilla clippings."
R-"Uhhh...I guess that makes sense."
SF-"Alright Rachel, I think that is about all I needed to know. Just as an FYI, some of the rest of us may be in apesuits as well, just so he doesn't feel singled out. Well, I will see you in March."
R-"Wait sir, hold on just a minute. I need to speak with the floor manager about this before I can tell you it is ok."
SF-"Oh I am sure he is a kind-hearted man that will understand."
R-"Either way, I need you to hold for just a moment."
SF-"Ok Rachel, I will be here."
RecordedVoice-"...perience Studio 54, the hottest new nightspot in all of Las Vegas. Only at the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino."
*Click*
R-"Sir?"
SF-"Isn't Studio 54 in LA? Didn't that place close?"
R-"Sir? I uhhhh...the floor manager would like to speak with you if that is ok."
SF-"Oh sure sure."
*short pause*
Man-"Hello sir this is Clark Kent. I am the floor supervisor here at the MGM. I understand that you wanted to bring your friend here dressed in an animal costume with a mask, is that correct?"
SF-"That is the short and skinny of it Mr. Kent. Did Rachel explain my friends' condition to you?"
CK-"She did and we are more than willing to make any accommodations for your friend..."
SF-"I sense a 'but' Mr. Kent."
CK-"But, it is the policy of the MGM that we do not allow people on the casino floor to be wearing any kind of mask. Our security needs to be able to identify all persons at all times."
SF-"I understand that completely Clark. May I call you Clark? Well Clark here is the deal. PJ is going to wear an apesuit right?"
CK-"Ok, but..."
SF-"Under this apesuit he is still a horribly deformed young man covered in sweaty hair, this includes his face. Still with me Clark?"
CK-"Sir, may I..."
SF-"So how hard is it for your, I am sure highly trained security staff, to simply look on their hidden cameras and know that the man in the apesuit is really a wolfman trying to blend in with the rest of the people?"
CK-"Sir, we cannot allow masks on the casino floor. We need to be able to identify everyone that comes in through the doors."
SF-"So what you are saying is that PJ is going to have to spend 13 hours, painstakingly shaving all of the hair off of his face, which by the way has never been directly exposed to sunlight. For all we know he could go up in flames!"
CK-"Sir I doubt that. And no, he would not have to shave; we just cannot allow him to wear a mask. With the recent terror alerts in Las Vegas there is simply no way around it. I'm sorr..."
SF-"Terror Alerts? I'm sorry did you say terror alerts?"
CK-"That is correct sir, and due to these alerts, we cannot allow anyone to enter the casino without being able to identify them."
SF-"Clark, let me ask you a question."
CK-"Go ahead sir."
SF-"Do you think, now stay with me here. Do you think that somewhere in Afghanistan or Pakistan or Brazil or wherever, there is book being passed around by terrorists that has a picture of a seven foot tall ape on it?"
CK-"What?"
SF-"Maybe next to the ape there are some other pictures. Like a big green plus sign and maybe someone wrote 'apesuits are go' in the small margin next to the picture. Does that sound feasible to you?"
CK-"I'm sorry sir, I don't understand."
SF-"What I am asking you Clark, is do think that terrorists would really employ such insidious tactics like dressing up as giant simians, just to gain access to the floor of your casino? That sounds a tad like science fiction if you ask me."
CK-"Sir, we need to be able to assess possible threats. Someone in a mask is a possible threat."
SF-"Clark, PJ may have eaten live rats out of the sewers of Motor City, but I assure you, he is not threat. Do you think a terrorist would just phone you up and let you know they plan on frequenting your fine establishment?"
CK-"I never said you or your friend was a terrorist..."
SF-"Well then I do not see the problem!"
CK-"The rules are, 'No Masks on the Floor'. That is final. If anyone attempts to enter our casino wearing a mask, they will be escorted off the premise by our armed security force."
*Armed security force? Isn't that what they have in Nicaragua to protect the cocaine factories? This was a veiled threat to my very life!*
CK-"If there is nothing else that I can help you with then I am going to hang up the phone."
SF-"Wait, wait, wait, don't hang up. I have one more quick question."
Ck-"Make it very quick."
SF-"What if the giant ape swears a loyalty oath to protect all humans?"
*click*
--------------------------------------------------------
Below is my call to the Las Vegas Monorail Transit Systems Management Company. This one actually made ME hang up.
--------------------------------------------------------
*Click*
Man-"Las Vegas Monorail, this is Dean. How may I help you?"
Screamfeeder-"Hello Dean. This is Howard McDougal, I just have a few quick questions that I was not able to find answers for on your website."
Dean-"Sure."
SF-"Well first off, is the train driverless, or does someone sit up front and press lots of buttons and switches and such."
*I knew this answer. Remember, pretend you are stupid and you can get away with so much more*
D-"Well sir, there are 9 trains and they are all automated. There is no driver."
SF-"I see. Is there any sort of passenger restrictions you might have on the trains? Things like height or weight or even freakishly ghoulish facial structures?"
D-"Uhhh hmmm, as far as I know, so long as the each car does not exceed 18 passengers then there are no other restrictions."
SF-"Excellent. My friend PJ will be pleased."
D-"Oh?"
SF-"Well Dean, you see, when he was just a small boy, he was involved in a chemical waste accident that left the entire right side of his face and body horribly disfigured."
D-"Oh wow. You mean like Two-Face?"
*He sounded WAY too excited about Two-Face*
SF-*nervous* "Yeah, kind of like Two-Face, only without the gang of thugs or the insane desire for revenge. Also Two-Face was deformed on the left side." *nervous laughter*
D-"That is intense. When I was a kid, Two-Face scared the hell out of me!"
SF-"Uhhh...well...you see..."
D-"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything..."
SF-"No it's quite alright. In fact I am glad you mentioned that. You see that is exactly the kind of reaction that PJ is hoping to avoid."
D-"Oh, uhhh, well people in Las Vegas are real nice you know, so I am sure everything will be fine."
SF-"Oh I believe you Dean. But just to be sure, PJ is going to come in disguise."
D-"How so?"
SF-"Well since it was pretty much an ape's fault that he was mangled, he usually walks around in an apesuit. Kind of like a testimony to fate. So he always knows never to trust apes."
D-"Wow. That must have been terrible. He wears it everyday?"
*That is correct. He did NOT ask me about how an ape caused the accident! I had a great story for that one too.*
SF-"Well not when he is at home of course, but whenever he leaves the house."
D-"Wow. I knew this guy once that would only leave his house with this huge rainbow scarf. It was like, twenty feet long and all these different colors. He would just wrap it around himself like ten times so it looked like he had this big rainbow neck-brace on. It was a trip!"
SF-"Uhhh...well so...uhhh, PJ is going to wear a monkey suit on the monorail."
D-"Sure man sure. After all that he has been through that is fine. I am not sure if the security guards or the staff at the boarding gates is going to be cool with it but as far as I know it should be no problem."
SF-"Really? Can he wear a train conductor hat and yell 'All aboard' at each stop?
D-*loud laughter* "Yeah sure! People do that all the time!"
SF-"Huh...ok. What if he wore a stripped suit and went down the trains asking people for their tickets?"
D-*louder laughter* "Man that would be hilarious!"
SF-*laughing along* "Yes, yes it would!"
D-"If it would make your friend happy. I mean the guys actually at the monorail stations can be a bit uptight but I think that's fine. Just don't let him bug the other passengers too much."
SF-"What if they don't have tickets?"
D-"Huh?"
SF-"Well if PJ the Ape-Conductor is collecting tickets, shouldn't he be able to throw people off the train that don't have them? You know like that scene in Last Crusade where Indy throws that Nazi guy off the dirigible?"
D-"Uhhh, the tickets are checked at the stations. No one gets onto the trains without one."
SF-"Even Goose-stomping Nazi Commanders hell bent on causing mayhem on your train?"
*Few seconds go by...*
D-"Ohhhhhhhh," *laughter* "Is this Ronnie?"
SF-*laughter* "Aw man! Yeah it's Ronnie. What's going on man? I had you going didn't I?"
D-"Not really. I knew it was you. Why are you calling me at work? I don't remember giving you my number the other night."
SF-"Uhhh...One of the other guys gave it too me. I was just bored and wanted to see what you were up too?"
D-"Well this call is about the most exciting thing all week. I really should get off the phone in case a real person calls though. I will see you tonight at the show right?"
SF-"Oh yeah, it's going to kick ass! I hope there are some hot chicks there this time!"
D-"What? The show is at Flex! What the hell are you talking about hot chicks for?"
SF-"........."
D-"I fucking knew it! You son of a bit..."
*Click*
--------------------------------------------------------
Ronnie, if you are reading this, I'm really, really fucking sorry.
Flex - http://www.vegas.com/nightlife/gayclubs/flex.html
COMING UP NEXT!!!-Treasure Island says Apes and Pirates don't mix! I beg to differ!
User Reviews
Submitted by ChronicMasturbator (user info) at 2005-09-25 21:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-12 22:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 12:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weird
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-02 17:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fanatastico!
You gotta post jail pics if you all get arrested...
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-03-02 16:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It was funny, but why must you poke fun at the gays.
For shame
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-03-02 04:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh.My.God. I can't believe I didn't rate this earlier.
Self-inflicted -2 for me.
But +2 for you--this is pure genius.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-03-02 00:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hyperventilated while reading this.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-03-01 15:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you guys are so mean to aj
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-02-19 03:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahaha this is great, you guys are gonna get arrested....
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:16:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-02-14 03:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-02-14 03:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*touristy laughter*
I'm stealing that
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2005-02-14 03:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Being up at 4 in the morning just got that much better
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-02-13 15:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding
Submitted by ilovepoopers (user info) at 2005-02-13 15:34:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2005-02-09 23:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff!
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2005-02-09 22:56:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, awesome.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-02-09 22:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You owe me a pair of underpants i laughed so much.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-07 23:48:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 2x4fun (user info) at 2005-02-06 14:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dunno if bumping is frowned upon here.but *bump*
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-04 20:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Even the mob loves a man in an apesuit.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-04 19:06:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-02-04 16:02:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahha, you might wanna be careful though, you know vegas is still run by the mob, right?
***
My only stipulation was not being arrested.
Anything else is fair game, I suppose.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-02-04 16:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahha, you might wanna be careful though, you know vegas is still run by the mob, right?
Submitted by okokididitbutiwasdrunk (user info) at 2005-02-04 15:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-02-04 14:42:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor poor PJ I hope he recovers. So many trajedies to befall such a young man. You really shouldn't make fun of him like that.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-04 12:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Few seconds go by...*
D-"Ohhhhhhhh," *laughter* "Is this Ronnie?"
SF-*laughter* "Aw man! Yeah it's Ronnie. What's going on man? I had you going didn't I?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh shit. can i make love your sense of humor when we get to vegas?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-04 10:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I CALL SHENANIGANS ON YOUR ASS!
Only because your ass is suspicious-looking. It has nothing to do with your tormenting of those poor Las Vegans.
On man, when you're there, please walk up tp the natives and tell them that they are disgraces to vegans. Then tell them that you thought that since they're Las Vegans, you just assumed...
It was funny in my head, damnit.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-04 10:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this. fucking. ruled.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-04 10:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Screamfeeder thinks he gave ME a "verbal lashing"? Ha!
Is he high? Or just retarded?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-04 10:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most amusing although really doesn't come up to shlongy's almost pythonian opinion of comedy - he prefers to say camwhore then put a naked girl up.... geddit??? aaaahahahhahaha.
One day we might be as good as that sphicter scraper.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-02-04 09:31:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. Great shlongy bashing.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-04 09:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweeet. Loved it.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-04 09:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fantastic
I bet you go into the dollar store and keep bringing things to the front counter to ask how much it is.
"one dollar sir"
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-02-04 08:42:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was brilliant man. Bored at work nominations for both of these.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-02-04 02:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:16:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
you're too much man
--------------------------------
you have no idea
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-04 02:14:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No problem dude. You should see these dudes get into drunken fights in the parking lot. Or maybe you shouldn't. I don't wish this on anyone.
See you in vegas.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-04 02:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I think I royally messed up someone's Flex booty call.
If you hear someone screaming at a guy named Ronnie, apologize for me would you?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-04 02:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Flex is within walking distance of my apartment. You should see it on saturday nights about 3am, all the the ghey menz stumbling drunk all around my neighborhood...
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-02-04 01:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-04 00:43:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my nigga
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit I can't believe you actually kept my attention all this time.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy,
Some of us don't have to "try to be witty". It comes natural.
With you, I can do this all day.
Verbally shellacking you comes to me so easily it almost feels like kicking a broken down old dog that can barely move it's disgraceful, bloated ass out of my way.
Submitted by JohosaPhaTZ (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being a terrorist =)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:19:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:35:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, I will dredge this up just for you.
If I received a +2 from you, I would surely eat a bullet, for at that point I would only be one with the ground-dwelling, knuckle-dragging, poor, overcompensating tapeworms that infest the lower levels of New Jersey sewer systems.
And, yes I am sure at some point or another there was a brain synapse that fired somewhere in that empty shell that sits atop those decaying slumped shoulders that did force those filthy rot covered sticks that pass for arms to actually write some drivel or another on something else I put up.
As you can plainly see, it had a lasting impression on me.
Happy now?
Hey, are you trying to be witty here or what?
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Becoming one of my favorite writes. keep up the good work. and +2 for the Nicky Santoro restuarant in the Excalibur post.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's got big balls, and she's got big balls, but Scream's got the biggest balls of them all!
AC/DC's got nothing on you.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:35:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, I will dredge this up just for you.
If I received a +2 from you, I would surely eat a bullet, for at that point I would only be one with the ground-dwelling, knuckle-dragging, poor, overcompensating tapeworms that infest the lower levels of New Jersey sewer systems.
And, yes I am sure at some point or another there was a brain synapse that fired somewhere in that empty shell that sits atop those decaying slumped shoulders that did force those filthy rot covered sticks that pass for arms to actually write some drivel or another on something else I put up.
As you can plainly see, it had a lasting impression on me.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
C'mon, Shlongy... what's unfunny about me running around Las Vegas in an ape suit with the possibility of being apprehended at a casino?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You sure? I could have sworn I told you that you sucked at least one other time.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're too much man
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 2x4fun (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.now whats the story about how the monkey disfigured him with the chemical waste.i want to hear that.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:00:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually no.
That was my first Shlongy review.
Was about as exciting as toe-nail clippings.
Now take your amateur verbal sparring and go play in the sand.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-02-03 22:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking gold
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I did read the new Joe Namath biography...about 500 pages, in like a day and a half. I brought it back to Barnes & Noble and told them "I got two of these".
I treat that store as a library. I've returned at least 4 books for new ones- I read faster than all hell.
Shhhhh. Don't tell anyone.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
niiiiiiiiiice
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It started to remind me of a reprinted IM or AIM conversation...sorry. You know how I feel about those, too.
As Jeff Goldblum said in "The Big Chill", I can pretty much read anything that you can read while taking the average shit.
I'm sure I've probably given you a + for some fucking thing you wrote somehwre along the line.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:51:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's ok Shlongy.
Someday you will finally finish that Phonics book and be able to read words with more than two syllables. Until that day though I will remember to include pictures of the apes asses.
Now scurry back to your filth ridden dredge of an existence and remember to keep that chin up high, because even bottom-feeding troglodyte Paleolithic creatures such as you have to have at least a little bit of dignity right?
Right?
Kiss Kiss.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
god, this reminds me of how Ubersite used to be when there were plenty of great things like this to read.
this was incredibly hilarious. i wish i could give it a higher rating than a 2.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I gave up halfway through War and Peace, too.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"religious innuendo"
Did you even READ it?
I think you qualify as someone that, "doesnt quite get it".
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ is going to get tasered.
Submitted by ChronicMasturbator (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
funny, but killed it at end with religious innuendo
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A well deserved duce
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:27:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh flex, you dirty dirty nightclub you.....
Submitted by TheGreenLantern (user info) at 2005-02-03 21:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is freaking funny.
Greeny