Detained II "At the Border" (676 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.75 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by vanissa (View user info) at 2005-02-05 14:53:04 EST
It was a nice little trip to Canada. My friend Alex and I went overnight just to get away and to bar-hop when we were the young age of 18. We left Tuesday morning at about 8am and arrived at our hotel in Winnipeg, Manitoba about 4:30 pm. We walked to a restaurant to make reservations for later that night and got our shoes filled with slush. (These people have never heard of a plow.) We spent about C$85 on beers and martinis and pretty much staggered back to our hotel, drunkenly talked aboot how much we loved each other then crashed. We woke up the next morning at aboot 11:00am, went and got some shitty-ass Chinese food, bought a bottle of Beaujolais, Vermouth, Sake, and a bottle of Bordeaux for my grandma for her birthday. I knew that I wasn't allowed to drive in the US with Liquor and I was like, oh well, they'll just take it away. We shoved it in a rolled up sleeping bag, partly to hide it, partly to protect it.
We got to the border at aboot 2:00 pm on Wednesday. The border patrol lady asked me why we were there, where we stayed, where we were born, condom size, mothers' maiden names, how long we were there, any cigarettes, liquor:
"Oh! We have a bottle of wine."
"Ok...(long pause) Pull ahead to garage #1 please."
I pulled my car ahead and then realized that we were totally fucked. 'Totally Fucked' meaning that our wine was going to be taken. I even said,
"Alex, I am totally fucked."
"No we're not, they'll just take it away."
"My point."
We waited outside the garage for about 3 minutes, then it opened and we went in. I got a little nervous realizing that there were about 12 police officers, DEA agents and the such standing around. We were told to go over to the table over there and have the people search us. They thoroughly searched every square centimeter of my purse and jacket, which took about 10 minutes. Alex and I were told to go into a room, with one way glass, and wait. We sat there are BS'd about nothing, not even worried or nervous, or anything. Then the German Shepard barked. At the time, I was like, 'cute', knowing I didn't have any drugs, but Alex was freaking out. He pretty much keeps pot in his backpack all the time. Not now, we decided not to bring it last minute. It still had spillage and residue all over it, though. Just enough for the dog to smell, and probably enough for some sort of a test, and especially enough for them to keep us and interrogate us for the next hour and a half, but not enough for them to put me in the slammer.
They made Alex go into the other room. They had a DEA agent outside his door at all times, while I wasn't even bothered. I we are still not sure of the order of the questions asked, but I will try my best.
The border patrol officer, who was a total Bitch. Capitolized. I have never come in contact with more of a bitch than this lady. For some reason, she had a personal vendetta against me. Plus she was a little rough when searching my bra for narcotics and hurt my nipples. Bitch. Plus she was fat, so there. Anyways, she started off by asking me:
"Why do you have four bottles of liquor instead of one like you claimed?"
"It was casual, I didn't' know I had to be under 21—"
"Don't even look at me like I was born yesterday. Continue."
"I honestly didn't know I had to be over 21 as long as everything was in my trunk and I knew I was
within customs, so no big deal."
"What did you do in Canada?"
"We got there at about 4, then we got some dinner, got a few drinks and then went ot our hotel room."
"What time?"
"One or so."
"Ok. When's the last time you smoked a joint, Vanessa?"
"Umm...I don't know... A long time ago...? About a year." (I am such a liar)
"Did you smoke up in Canada, Vanessa?"
"No."
"That's not what I heard in the other room, Vanessa?"
"No, we didn't smoke marijuana in Canada."
"When is the last time you smoked?"
"I had a cigarette yesterday."
"Don't even look at me like you were born yesterday, Vanessa, you know I meant marijuana."
"A year."
"Ok. Are you guys girlfriend and boyfriend?"
"No, he's homosexual."
I giggle.
Thank god that bitch left. She kept on using slang that I didn't understand, nor was correct. If she didn't have a gun I would've thought about kicking her ass.
They asked Alex about the rolling papers they found, and interrogated him about the last time him and I smoked pot. Alex said that he used to roll his own cigarettes and that is what they were for (This is actually true, but he also used them for joints at one point or another.) Alex told the DEA officers that I smoked pot about a month ago and with him, so I was busted. He got asked about his meth, crack, acid, e, x, etcetera usage and was like, no, I have never done anything besides marijuana and that was about a month age. He smoked the day before we left and I smoked a month ago. Neither of us were drug runners nor have we done other drugs. Neither of us had ever been to jail or been in any other trouble with the law.
This scary ass DEA officer (he wasn't even cute), plus our friendly bitch officer came in:
"Vanessa, you and Alex have now developed a pattern of lying and we don't know what to believe. He says one thing you say another. He says you smoked pot a month ago, you say a year."
"Fine, I did lie, I'm sorry. I smoked about a month ago. I'm just really stressed out. I got pulled over a year ago for speeding and that is the most trouble I've ever been in. I am a good student and got detention once. I plan on never using drugs again (true at the time) and have only used a few times before (true)."
"Well, we found drug paraphernalia on your friend, here."
"Ok...Well, anything having to do with drugs in his backpack are his."
"You know you are responsible for everything in you car, I mean, your car could be seized!"
"Is it my job to monitor...not to sound sarcastic or anything, but sorry I didn't monitor everything he put in his backpack before we left."
"Ok, we'll be back in a minute."
Now it was the bitch's time to speak:
"I don't understand why you took the booze out of the bags and shoved them under your seat."
"Maybe for garbage." (I said it bitchy and smart-ass, I have had enough of her)
When the DEA agent said that our stories didn't match up, that was probably the scariest moment. I deserved it, I blatantly lied. But still. I didn't deserve this. After an hour and a half, I looked out the glass; I could see a little bit, they were fucking taking apart my headlights. Jesus Christ. Knowing that I didn't have any drugs anywhere, I found this pretty funny. I was told to go to a different room to get a body search. On the way there, I asked her if I was going to jail. She responded:
"Well, missy, if you have narcotics on you then yes, you are."
"Where is Alex."
"We'll see, Vanessa, he's in a bit of trouble, more than you, although with all the lying you've
been doing you probably deserve to be with him."
"Is my car going to be seized?" The Bitch annoyingly replied,"
"I DON'T Know, OK, Vanessa?! We'll see."
This made me believe that Alex was going to be left at the border. I was shaking so hard from asking an innocent question and being yelled at. These people are masters at making you feel like you have three pounds of cocaine in your trunk. The bitch had to search me. There was another lady present, but of course, she was just the watcher or something. She told me to sit down. She talked to me for a bit, but I don't remember what she asked me, nothing important.
I was searched. They found 16 ounces of cocaine in my ass. Just kidding. The bitch was sorely disappointed when she came up with nothing. But, the bitch did have the pleasure of helping me pour all of my liquor in a grate outside. Like I was a fucking 14 year old. I claimed the sake and the Beaujolais as mine. The sake had a screw cap, so she just had me pour it. Sake is a clear Japanese wine, the grate was crystal clean after the disposal, I was not happy with that. The bitch decided to go the hammer and screwdriver route for the Beaujolais, a thick red wine. As she hammered down, wine sprayed all over her face and arms. I smiled. There was another officer there, who laughed too. He was cool. She told me to pour it. I poured it from eye level, missing the grate for the most part, proceeding to get it all over her shoes and pant legs. I got some on my finger and licked it off. She gave me the glare of death.
Alex came in after me, and we were on the same brainwave. His officer managed to also go the screwdriver and hammer route, and got sprayed. This dumbass did it twice. I just had to fill out some paper work. We both got ourselves effectively on the "Check every time" list. YAY!
The bitch lady got a little more harassment when I was filling out my paperwork. I asked her every time I had to fill out an address whether she wanted my legal address or the address I was living at. She gave a pissed off sigh every time.
I loudly told Alex I couldn't drive because I had a little wine in my system and were on our way.
User Reviews
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-15 00:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-04 02:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can we fuck?
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-02-05 16:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got about 50 border crossing stories.
The funny thing is, everytime I've done something illegal, I didn't get stopped.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-02-05 16:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Never lie at the Canada/US border. Those fuckers are crazy.